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I notice you are only picking on the working moms, despite the fact that there exists a subset of SAHM who utilize nannies and sitters too. Why do they get a pass?
You do realize we can play the turn about is fair play game right? So quick to judge those whose situations you do not know but if someone were to point out it certainly was your "fault" to end your marriage, pick the father you did, have three children in a row, whatever I suspect you would not like it.
I know a SAHM who had a nanny so she could run errands alone and play tennis at the club.
yep... yep... we all make choices. I wonder how she survived financially during that time. Welfare? Food stamps? I won't go down that road. I wouldn't want to sound judgy.
You forgot about the weekly mani-pedis, business lunches out, all the money spent on dry cleaning.
//sarcasm
Sigh....
And so it continues....
And then there is food, and rent, and clothing and living in a decent town where the schools are good and the neighborhood is safe. Crazy stuff we working moms spend our money on. School trips and braces, Girl Scouts and music lessons.
My daughter is 25 and we are very close. For Mother's Day three years ago, I got a little tin box with strips of paper inside to pull out and read, like "I value all your advice", and "Thank you for teaching me the meaning of 'to thine own self be true'."
She is a kind, compassionate person, and very intelligent besides. I wonder what type of adults some of these small-world, narrow-minded, judgmental parents have foisted upon society.
I wasnt talking about you.. I was talking about the ones who have kids for someone else to rear, who pay enormous amounts in childcare, sometimes as much as they earn.. some of these mothers arent struggling.. they just dont want to be the mother that their children need.. that is secondary.. I was a young divorced woman with three children under four so I know how hard it is, and how I wanted to give them a better life, but couldnt, wasnt my fault but at least I was there for them until they all went to school.. and Im glad I did..it wasnt easy by any means, financially it was awful.. but at least they had me..
Childcare for three young children would have been difficult even if you had been able to secure gainful employment, I'm sure, but you could also look at it another way and see that your children missed out on social opportunities and mentally stimulating activities during that time that they could have had if you had been able to work and provide for them. You see what I am saying? We each have to deal with the situations we have, just as you did.
But they shouldn't. They shouldn't be allowed to join an all men's club, men' football, wrestling, baseball team, etc. They simply are not as strong. Sorry but you can blame God or Mother Nature. The problem is that women feel the need to prove they can do anything as good or better than a man, when we all know they cannot. Same for the reverse but you don't see men going crazy trying to prove that we can have babies better than you.
I don't know what kind place you live in, but I see plenty of men trying to prove they can parent just as well as women. If men can work and be good parents, so can women. I'm not sure what mens' sports teams have to do with whether men are decent parents and women are decent workers...that is kind of a stretch.
The women's movement was about women having and making our own choices. Any woman who denigrates another woman's choice is not a feminist.
I was a working mom and could never have been happy staying home full time. My best friend, since I was a teen, was a SAHM. Our kids all turned out to be healthy, productive adults. We were both good moms based on the outcomes.
The women's movement was about women having and making our own choices. Any woman who denigrates another woman's choice is not a feminist.
I was a working mom and could never have been happy staying home full time. My best friend, since I was a teen, was a SAHM. Our kids all turned out to be healthy, productive adults. We were both good moms based on the outcomes.
I don't understand why this is so hard for some people to understand. It is empowering to make your own choices. Even if you decide to stay home, don't you (not you texan) want to be able to decide that for yourself? Or should we go back to the days of women having the choice between being a mom, a teacher, a secretary, or a nurse?
Childcare for three young children would have been difficult even if you had been able to secure gainful employment, I'm sure, but you could also look at it another way and see that your children missed out on social opportunities and mentally stimulating activities during that time that they could have had if you had been able to work and provide for them. You see what I am saying? We each have to deal with the situations we have, just as you did.
This is very true. we all have to take whats thrown at us... Of course my kids missed out.. and I regret that to this day, but that wasnt fault by me.. but before they were school age and after I took them to the parks around here almost every other day with a ball , drinks and sandwiches, a simple life, one day a week they went to a free safe play area, to meet other children, but I bet none of my kids would trade it for anything else... Surely we have children to spend time with them.. teach them, play games, walks in the park..and most importantly, to watch them grow.. it is so important, maybe I am wrong for thinking having children was not someone elses responsibility. I had them and Im the one who should be bringing them up... I forgot to mention that once my children were all at secondary school I got a job and guess what as.... A creche nurse minding pre fives... so for the next eighteen years more kids hahaha..so back to water paints, water play,sticky back paper, story telling and soft play.. but by then it was different times, I worked at a creche in a large gym facility.. so mothers could leave their babies for an hour or two with us while training.. and also worked part time in another creche run by Social Work.. another ball game entirely.. when we had to mind kids who were at risk.. quite stressful job to be honest as I saw and learned so much about the other side of the coin and lousy parenting.
Last edited by dizzybint; 04-03-2017 at 01:10 AM..
As a working mom I have always been there when my kids wake up and when they go to bed at night
Go ahead and ask some. I said up thread that my kids light up when they talk about our vacations and road trips. My best memories of growing up were family trips. It may sound shallow, but I don't think it is. It isn't material possessions. It is life experiences.
I stayed home for a few years. Going into it I thought "we'll simplify. We'll give up the extras, the vacations in favor of the every day experiences." We did that for a while and it was ok. Ultimately, I found I didn't want to do it long-term. I worried about money. We couldn't afford to go home to visit family. I felt like we were surviving but not getting ahead. We love to travel, and I was missing that. Even trips to the museum cost money. The park down the street gets old after while.
If you are happy at home, and don't have money worries, more power to you. You don't get to judge my choices because they are different than yours.
Well, not true. We are all still allowed opinions in this country. Most of the time.
You are defensive because people are saying another way is better. You take it as a personal affront and need to defend defend defend.
Most people, I have found, who truly are at peace with decisions they have made do not care a fig for what other people think and don't care if other people "judge" them. Just saying.
And people can argue to the moon and back but the simple fact is babies/young kids need their mothers. There is no substitute. Otherwise, sign the baby over to an institution at birth and go visit on weekends.
Well, not true. We are all still allowed opinions in this country. Most of the time.
You are defensive because people are saying another way is better. You take it as a personal affront and need to defend defend defend.
Most people, I have found, who truly are at peace with decisions they have made do not care a fig for what other people think and don't care if other people "judge" them. Just saying.
And people can argue to the moon and back but the simple fact is babies/young kids need their mothers. There is no substitute. Otherwise, sign the baby over to an institution at birth and go visit on weekends.
Well, nobody likes being attacked. As I said up thread it's so variable and based on our personal values. I do feel mommy guilt about a lot of things. I wish I could be the perfect parent, always know what to do, and be a Buddha mother for my kids. I fail on a daily basis, but do the best I can. Beyond my personal benchmarks, which have little to nothing to do with others, there is no reason to compare parenting strategies unless we have the same goals. I tell people if I want my kids to be like you then I will follow your strategy. That's not what we usually want, though. So, we prioritize based on our values.
Well, not true. We are all still allowed opinions in this country. Most of the time.
You are defensive because people are saying another way is better. You take it as a personal affront and need to defend defend defend.
Most people, I have found, who truly are at peace with decisions they have made do not care a fig for what other people think and don't care if other people "judge" them. Just saying.
And people can argue to the moon and back but the simple fact is babies/young kids need their mothers. There is no substitute. Otherwise, sign the baby over to an institution at birth and go visit on weekends.
Please can the keyboard psychology!
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I know a SAHM who had a nanny so she could run errands alone and play tennis at the club. 
