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So you fully believe that mom is NOT better than daycare?
Why have kids in the first place? You're not a parent then, you have a hobby that is "playing parent" if you truly TRULY believe that moms are not better than daycare.
Which is pretty much what people on here keep supporting, over and over.
Not ONCE has anyone said: Babies need their moms. In fact, there have been arguments AGAINST moms taking care of their own babies.
Don't you all realize how distorted your viewpoint is? Actively arguing that babies are BETTER OFF without their moms?
Do you even realize that you are doing that?
When you say babies need their moms, I will say once again that they have their moms, plus others.
I think you have me on ignore. It must be too hard to argue with me.
Frankly, having cared for children of all ages, I don't know how anyone can really work, as in for someone else, in the company of kids under about 10. There's always some need to be attended to; some fight to referee (and yes, I know about letting them work it out themselves but sometimes you have to jump in and just separate them); some place you have to take them; homework to help with, at least to the point of making them sit down to do it; etc. You certainly can't do it at 4-5 unless you have an only child and you can work during nap time or put them in front of the TV for a while.
As for extended family, my closest extendeds lived 500 miles away when my kids were little, and my own family was farther. Not only that, my mother was handicapped and my father was taking care of her from the time my oldest was 2 years old.
It does make a difference if you've raised kids. If you haven't walked a mile in anyone else's moccasins, you literally don't know what you're talking about. And as we've all said, "It depends".
I worked with a guy who was a single dad and had four children, ages ranging from toddler to preteen. He worked full time from home while also being a dad. It wasn't easy, but he made it work somehow. He really had no alternative, as he didn't have any family who could help and couldn't afford child care for four children. He had to kind of multitask between taking care of the kids and doing his work - so he essentially "worked" 12 hour days that others might take 6 hours to get through, with lots of breaks to take care of the kiddos. The two older children helped a lot, as did TV and movies.
I work remotely with children, but then again my wife didn't work when the kids were very small and so she was around to take care of them.
A lot of moms are turning to work where they can work only 10-20 hours a week, and from home. That's the kind of work that's feasible to do even when raising an infant or toddler. My company essentially has contract positions where people can do that, and they just submit their hours at the end of the month. Not surprisingly, we get a very large number of applicants for those positions - literally probably 200x as many as the full time positions requiring an in office presence. As a result, we get some incredibly talented individuals. Almost all of them are parents who are desperate for income that's compatible with being a parent of young children.
My job offers remote work positions, so we get a lot of parents who are desperate for remote work. Working from home with flexible hours can allow a lot of people to work full time even with young children, without having to pay for daycare full time. I think it's more difficult when the child is an infant or toddler, but it becomes much more feasible when the kid is 4-5 or older.
People really need to rely more on extended family when raising children - it's what the human species has done for tens of thousands of years, and only in the past couple decades in the west have people come up with this insane idea that only the mother and father (or even worse, only the mother or only the father) should have full responsibility. I have friends in Latin America and India who have huge families that essentially make raising children easy.
The truth is that developed countries are suffering because the best and the brightest are having fewer children, while the uneducated and impoverished are breeding like rabbits. It's not going to end well. We are already seeing the effects in countries like Sweden where for decades the culture has discouraged having children, so now Sweden, lacking in home grown young people, is having to rely on immigrants for a larger percentage of their tax base, and let's just say that it's not going so well.
I agree that it can be beneficial for the whole family; I live in a neighborhood with a large immigrant population, and it's very common to see grandparents taking care of little ones while the parents work. Quite a few of my friends also have their parents watch their children full time, too. Not everyone has that option though: family might live far away, or are working themselves, or simply aren't fit to take care of small children all day. For those of us without that extended family help, we have to create our own "village", which includes paid childcare providers. We briefly considered paying a family member to watch our kids this summer, but quite frankly, they'd spend the whole summer sitting on the couch watching TV. We'd rather spend more money and have them in daycare, where they have other kid to play with and plenty of activities.
I worked with a guy who was a single dad and had four children, ages ranging from toddler to preteen. He worked full time from home while also being a dad. It wasn't easy, but he made it work somehow. He really had no alternative, as he didn't have any family who could help and couldn't afford child care for four children. He had to kind of multitask between taking care of the kids and doing his work - so he essentially "worked" 12 hour days that others might take 6 hours to get through, with lots of breaks to take care of the kiddos. The two older children helped a lot, as did TV and movies.
I work remotely with children, but then again my wife didn't work when the kids were very small and so she was around to take care of them.
A lot of moms are turning to work where they can work only 10-20 hours a week, and from home. That's the kind of work that's feasible to do even when raising an infant or toddler. My company essentially has contract positions where people can do that, and they just submit their hours at the end of the month. Not surprisingly, we get a very large number of applicants for those positions - literally probably 200x as many as the full time positions requiring an in office presence. As a result, we get some incredibly talented individuals. Almost all of them are parents who are desperate for income that's compatible with being a parent of young children.
This is a sign that more companies should offer flexible/fewer hour positions. The SAHM's I know are educated, driven, and highly capable. Many stay home for years because their spouse works long hours or travels. If they could get professional positions a few hours/week, they'd jump at the chance.
This is a sign that more companies should offer flexible/fewer hour positions. The SAHM's I know are educated, driven, and highly capable. Many stay home for years because their spouse works long hours or travels. If they could get professional positions a few hours/week, they'd jump at the chance.
Totally agree
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTerri
I'm sticking to mom being the ideal caretaker in that particular scenario due to the fact that mom has a different kind of bond with her baby then dad does and she's biologically programed to care for her infant in ways that dad is not. That's not to say that dad wouldn't be the next best thing if we're talking in ideals. Or grandma or another loving, responsive caregiver.
We don't have to agree on that but I am clarifying why I would still say mom over parent in that scenario.
I think this attitude contributes to the family unfriendly society we have. If men were brought equally into the fold things would likely be very different for families and better for children.
Its sad that some women are so poor they have to work - but that's what society is set up to do these days. I was very lucky to be able to stay home and raise my own children instead of putting my babies in the hands of strangers. Some women are very lucky and have their own Moms or relatives to help care for their children - I did not have that luxury - I had to do it all on my won.
Every day there is another horrible story of a daycare or a nanny neglecting a child - very upsetting
Its sad that some women are so poor they have to work - but that's what society is set up to do these days. I was very lucky to be able to stay home and raise my own children instead of putting my babies in the hands of strangers. Some women are very lucky and have their own Moms or relatives to help care for their children - I did not have that luxury - I had to do it all on my won.
Every day there is another horrible story of a daycare or a nanny neglecting a child - very upsetting
Four out of five child abusers are parents and 95% of child abuse occurs at the hands of a relative or friend of the child.
I'm all for people taking care of their children in the way that works best for their family, but there's no need to perpetuate the myth that children are in grave danger when they're in the care of someone besides a family member.
Also, your comment that "It's sad that some women are so poor they have to work" is very condescending. Poverty isn't the only reason women choose to work outside the home. I have an advanced degree and work in a professional capacity to help provide a good living for my family. But yes, it would have been nice to be born rich.
Its sad that some women are so poor they have to work - but that's what society is set up to do these days. I was very lucky to be able to stay home and raise my own children instead of putting my babies in the hands of strangers. Some women are very lucky and have their own Moms or relatives to help care for their children - I did not have that luxury - I had to do it all on my won.
Every day there is another horrible story of a daycare or a nanny neglecting a child - very upsetting
Moms don't have to be "poor" to work. Maybe they just want their families to be in a secure financial situation.
I think this attitude contributes to the family unfriendly society we have. If men were brought equally into the fold things would likely be very different for families and better for children.
I'm all for equality but there are very real biological differences between men and women that cannot be denied no matter how we feel things should be. That doesn't mean that dads can't be good caretakers, they most certainly can, but biologically they are different and those differences include how they respond to their babies. They can't breastfeed for instance and they can't experience the effects of oxytocin in response. They don't respond the same way to their babies cries. Ignoring biology is not unfriendly. It's reality.
The idea that women are hard-wired to respond to babies is supported in a small new brain scan study from Italy. Women in the study who listened to the sounds of a baby crying in hunger showed a change in activity in certain brain regions, but men showed no change.
Breastfeeding stimulates the release of oxytocin from your brain. It allows your baby to get the breast milk from your breasts, and it causes your uterus to shrink down after the birth of your baby. It also fosters love, nurturing, and a strong emotional bond between you and your child.
Its sad that some women are so poor they have to work - but that's what society is set up to do these days. I was very lucky to be able to stay home and raise my own children instead of putting my babies in the hands of strangers. Some women are very lucky and have their own Moms or relatives to help care for their children - I did not have that luxury - I had to do it all on my won.
Every day there is another horrible story of a daycare or a nanny neglecting a child - very upsetting
It is sad, but some women work because they want to. *gasp*
No, every day there is not another story of a day care or a nanny neglecting a child. That is a gross exaggeration. What there is, is millions of kids safely going to day care every day, all over this country, with no ill effects, either long or short term.
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