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I think this is one reason some woman choose to be SAHMs. It's too risky to put the survival of their children in someone else's hands. Not necessarily because they think their child will be hurt physically or abused, but because they will be raised differently than the parents want.
I personally think parents should raise their children. I think having a stay at home parent while the kids are there is best. However, I also think it's ludicrous to expect that every family can or would want to do this and certainly don't look down on those who don't.
People always post this (that daycare "raises" kids if both parents work), and I always wonder: let's say mom stays at home and dad works outside of the home. Does that mean only mom is raising the kids, and dad is not? Unless BOTH parents are staying at home (which obviously isn't feasible for the vast, vast majority of people), then this logic suggests that the parent who goes to work is not raising their child. I don't get it.
To answer the OP's question: some people say that because for some, smugly taking others down who have made different decisions is what they need in order to reinforce their own decisions. Some people see everything and every decision as good v bad, right v wrong. In order for them to be "right", someone must be wrong. Well adjusted people, confident in their own lives and decisions understand that much of life is gray and don't need to boost themselves in this way.
I think if women thought more of being a mom than an employee, more would choose situations that make it possible to stay home. Until women start realizing that caring for their own children is more important that caring for clients, this won't change.
It's unfortunate because children suffer. I've never heard ANYONE EVER say:
I think if women thought more of being a mom than an employee, more would choose situations that make it possible to stay home. Until women start realizing that caring for their own children is more important that caring for clients, this won't change.
It's unfortunate because children suffer. I've never heard ANYONE EVER say:
I wish my mom spent less time with me as a child.
Bolded: my husband says the same thing about his father... who worked two jobs while my husband was home with an abusive, emotionally unavailable mother.
I think if women thought more of being a mom than an employee, more would choose situations that make it possible to stay home. Until women start realizing that caring for their own children is more important that caring for clients, this won't change.
It's unfortunate because children suffer. I've never heard ANYONE EVER say:
I wish my mom spent less time with me as a child.
Eh. My mom never worked because she needed to be there for the kids!!!!!! but I really don't see how we'd have been worse off if she got a flexible job that allowed her to get out of the house, make some money, and have her own "thing". She was clearly unhappy being a stay at home mom, but embraced the whole "I don't want someone else raising my kids!" and that wasn't good for any of us. And when my father lost his job, she had an extremely difficult time getting back into the job market because she had no applicable skills. Again, not good for any of us. (Luckily my Dad was only unemployed for a bit and my mom never did end up getting a job, but if my Dad had been unemployed for longer, or if he left us, or passed away...it would not have been good.)
I think if women thought more of being a mom than an employee, more would choose situations that make it possible to stay home. Until women start realizing that caring for their own children is more important that caring for clients, this won't change.
It's unfortunate because children suffer. I've never heard ANYONE EVER say:
I wish my mom spent less time with me as a child.
BS. What a sexist post! So far off base it's almost funny.
ETA, just so you know, I actually did have a thought like that on one specific occasion that I can remember. Not exactly, but close. I had a friend whose dad was in the same profession as both my mom and my dad. Her mom stayed home. We weren't rich, by any means, but we had a decent tract home. When we needed something, my parents bought it. I remember this friend telling me that her mom saved up loose change to buy her things like makeup when we were young teens. I remember being glad my mom worked, on several occasions when I looked at her life, compared to mine.
Plus, her parents weren't there for her any more than mine were. I also distinctly remember, for example, the working parents of me and my teammates making it to nearly all of our games, and this same friend's SAHM never coming to a single one.
FWIW, if I had to choose, I'd say I "turned out" better then she did, too. In fact my working mom has had several people over the years compliment her on how well her kids turned out, and admit that they didn't think it was possible at the time (decades ago when they were home, and she was at work).
My working mom demonstrated to me every day that women are equal to men, and I will be forever grateful for that.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 03-26-2017 at 12:31 PM..
To simply answer the OP's question in another way:
Some people have no empathy and no ability to see that other people think, feel, and function differently from themselves.
Another example: A friend was raised by a ... let me back up... Since some think that child care providers "raise" kids... She was "raised" by a housekeeper. Her dad had a high paying career. Her mom was home. Her mom was at home in bed in a deep pit of depression every day. The housekeeper did all the hands-on child care. Watch The Help, if you want to see what I mean. Having a SAHM didn't do a bit of good in that case. It probably even did some harm.
In general, men are wired to be providers and women are wired to be nurturers. I think mothers and fathers are equally important to a child's development but are not interchangeable. So, while having Dad at home may be the best solution for some families, and is certainly preferable to neither parent being with the kids, I think Mom is usually better suited to being the constant loving presence that a child needs in the first few years of life.
And I think that is a horrible generalization that is insulting to both men and women. Men are not incapable of nurturing and taking care of children and women are not incapable of having successful careers. Just because society sends messages otherwise, doesn't make them true.
Replace "men" or "women" in your statement with "African-American" or "Latino." Does it sound absurd? It should because it is absurd, and would be racist. Just like making those same generalizations about gender is absurd and sexist.
Last edited by CarnivalGal; 03-26-2017 at 02:17 PM..
No one is looking down on you. You seem to make a lot of reasons for not going the treaditionwl route. Saying that your spouse could drop dead or leave you is as irrational as saying I could get into an accident today so I am not going to drive, to, I'm not going to eat because I may choke to death. All a bunch of what ifs and what might happens.
Being raised by my stay at home mom in the 60s was wonderful. Every mother of all of my many friends in my neighborhood were at those. Of course it was a time when one income could support a family and most of them were not thinking it could al end in a moment's time. I think a child needs their mother at home at least for those first couple of years. My wife is a teacher and stayed home for our two different kids. They shouldn't be raised by pre school teachers, baby sitters etc. those are the years for creating a bond. It is a choice of course but I feel the child is the priority.
No amount of money will equate what the child is losing by not being there for them. It's all about choices and what works for you. I also think that children NEED father and mother. Both sexes contribute character traits to a child. I don't want to hear from the same sex parents. I don't agree with it. My mind will never be changed, nor does it need to be.
People always post this (that daycare "raises" kids if both parents work), and I always wonder: let's say mom stays at home and dad works outside of the home. Does that mean only mom is raising the kids, and dad is not? Unless BOTH parents are staying at home (which obviously isn't feasible for the vast, vast majority of people), then this logic suggests that the parent who goes to work is not raising their child. I don't get it.
Terrible argument. A child for,s a bond tpwith their northern. Of course it is far more beneficial for a child to be raised by mom instead of a day care person. And then dad at night. The child is being raised by both. Not Mary Smith, who has absolutely no connection to the child whatsoever and who will never care about your child aa fraction as much as you. A child needs to know their mom is there for them when they cry or get scared or need something. Historically, they see dad when they get home after work. Of course, the feminisists csnnot stand this and it's "old fashioned" values. Well, I can attest that the 40s,50s and 60s promoted far stronger family values by these old fashioned methods than what is going on today. The entire society is out of control now thanks to women deciding that they don't need some stinking man to raise their children or to help support them.
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