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My daughter has had a real bad attitude with my husband and myself lately and we really don't know what to do. When I notice her getting an attitude I try and talk to her and figure out why she's getting so upset but it really doesn't do any good. She gets an attitude with me but she really has an attitude with my husband. He's not her real dad, he's her stepdad. We've been together for almost 6 years so it's not like this is all new to her.
What are some ways you deal with this? What do you say? What are some of your actions? I'm a Christian momma so I'm really trying to do this the Godly way. It also seems like whenever I talk about God or anything about the Bible, she really doesn't seem interested at all.
HELP!!!!!
I have no advice, but this maybe a problem:
Quote:
He's not her real dad, he's her stepdad.
A dad or father isn't real or fake, they are biological or not.
A dad or father isn't real or fake, they are biological or not.
I don't really know what you meant by that. I just was stating that he isn't her biological dad, he's her stepdad. What is wrong with that exactly? He treats her as if she's his, and always has. Every time he leaves or every time he calls or or whatever the case may be, he always makes sure that he tells her he loves her. On Valentines day he didn't just buy me a gift, he made sure that he bought her one as well which was pedicures for two. She was super excited! He attended all of her programs at school when she was in band and dance. He helps her with her homework and has talks with her about her grades and what he can do to help her do the best that she can. The list goes on and on. He has been there for her even when her own dad wasn't.
So explain to me how me simply stating that he wasn't her real dad but that he's her stepdad? Bc I didn't say he is just her stepdad so he doesn't treat her as if she's his own. So I'm completely confused.
I think this is key to your answer. She's not a little kid anymore, and relationships change. Teenagers are learning to be their own people. Maybe her version of herself right now doesn't include being a momma's girl and listening to bible verses.
Doesn't mean she gets to be disrespectful. But neither do you. The place to start is to see her as she is now, not how she was in the past. I worked with teens for a couple of decades, raised my own. The more you see them as human beings in their own right, and treat them as such, the more respect you'll be given. Don't take her changes personally, while still expecting her to be polite.
Thank you for the advice but why does the fact that I said I'm a Christian so I do think it's important to mention God in our home? I don't through Bible verses at her anytime she does something wrong. I mention it here and there but it's not something that I force her to listen to.
I haven't gotten upset with her at all for sharing with me how shes feeling. As I've stated in an earlier post, I always tell her that it's completely okay to feel the way you're feeling. I'm never going to tell her that she shouldn't feel a certain way. I don't get on her for feeling a certain way, I don't get mad bc she feels a certain way. I simply talk with her and try to understand why she's feeling the way she is and then we work through it. We've had a talk since posting this and it's completely clear that she is going through so many changes (like most everyone has stated) and I pretty much knew this already.
Just to be clear because maybe in my post it came off more then it should have. My daughter does not yell at me or my husband. She isn't going around our home being this disrespectful, non disciplined, out of control preteen. She has her moments where if she doesn't get her way, she's upset. I talked to her without getting disrespectful, she calms down or takes a few minutes to get her thoughts in order, and usually she's back to her sweet normal self and she usually apologizes for acting the way she did. I was just wondering if anyone has experienced this with your children and how you handled it. Just trying to get some new insight. Some different point of views. I've always disciplined my children and they do not get away with being rude or disrespectful. We do take things away and we have always done so. That's why this is new to me because we have never had this issue before, where she's getting the nerve to saying little things back to us. I always let it be known that it's okay to feel upset about a situation but it is not okay to be disrespectful.
To the people that just assumed that because my daughter has had an attitude with me must be because we don't have a good relationship... ummmm?? What? Seriously? If you've ever had a child, then you know that eventually they are going to test the waters and push your buttons to see how far they can go. Me and my daughter have always been super close. Always. She's never had attitude with me until these past few weeks.
Soooooo.....big deal then? You just don't know how to take it now that she's not perfect?
When I was a kid I was constantly told "I don't care if you like it or not, you're doing it". And there's a lot in life like that - so yeah, kids have to get used to doing stuff they don't like, else they get spoiled. I wasn't allowed to mumble under my breath either...eye rolling wasn't a thing then but I'm sure that wouldn't fly either - but I didn't like my parents much a lot of the time...so what?
Now, it certainly doesn't hurt to ask them for input - if they can come up with a solution that gets the job done and works better for them or as good for you, then why not? They get to problem solve a little and then they have more buy-in.
Thank you for the advice but why does the fact that I said I'm a Christian so I do think it's important to mention God in our home? I don't through Bible verses at her anytime she does something wrong. I mention it here and there but it's not something that I force her to listen to.
You were the one who brought it up, so clearly it's very important to you. But it may not be to her. That's all. I get that in some families religion is not an option or something to debate.
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Originally Posted by BusyMamaJen
I simply talk with her and try to understand why she's feeling the way she is and then we work through it.
And perhaps she doesn't want you to know why she's feeling that way.
Allowing teenagers some privacy in regards to their feelings is part of letting them grow. Accept that she's upset about something and expect decent behaviour, but digging into the "why's" can be seen as intrusive and treating them like babies. And sometimes they are afraid of being laughed at, if they are grumpy and know that adults might think the reason is silly.
Just to be clear because maybe in my post it came off more then it should have. My daughter does not yell at me or my husband. She isn't going around our home being this disrespectful, non disciplined, out of control preteen. She has her moments where if she doesn't get her way, she's upset. I talked to her without getting disrespectful, she calms down or takes a few minutes to get her thoughts in order, and usually she's back to her sweet normal self and she usually apologizes for acting the way she did. I was just wondering if anyone has experienced this with your children and how you handled it. Just trying to get some new insight. Some different point of views. I've always disciplined my children and they do not get away with being rude or disrespectful. We do take things away and we have always done so. That's why this is new to me because we have never had this issue before, where she's getting the nerve to saying little things back to us. I always let it be known that it's okay to feel upset about a situation but it is not okay to be disrespectful.
To the people that just assumed that because my daughter has had an attitude with me must be because we don't have a good relationship... ummmm?? What? Seriously? If you've ever had a child, then you know that eventually they are going to test the waters and push your buttons to see how far they can go. Me and my daughter have always been super close. Always. She's never had attitude with me until these past few weeks.
If that is all your daughter is doing, be very happy. My daughter has had an attitude since day one, kid you not!!
You have said she has the right to feel the way she feels, yet you are questioning it in your thread. You aren't understanding her feelings. And that is okay. You should be very happy with a wonderful young lady you have.
Thank y'all for all the suggestions and advice. My daughter is amazing and is perfect to me not matter what's going on in her life. I do give her space and I do give her privacy but at the same time I don't want her to shut me out when it's something serious, you know what I'm saying? When I see that something wrong, I talk to her and see if it's something that she wants to talk about. I make sure she knows that I'm there when and if she wants to talk.
The ones that have VERY involved stay at home Moms that are room mothers, coaches, etc seem to be the least affected... the family support group extends to grandparents that never miss a Saturday game and that goes for the cousins too...
One of my friends has 3 daughters... they swim competitively year round... soccer, volleyball, Christian youth group, homework... the mom is room mother for 3 classrooms at 3 different schools.
I asked the oldest how is that you or your sisters never get into trouble... they said they don't have time to get into trouble especially when Mom is at school all the time and when they come home from practice they are simply tired and want to turn in early...
Similar with others... it seems to be the common thread is very busy teens with very involved parents and the parents may disagree but never in front of the kids... if Mom says no... it no... just like when dad says no.
My friends with lots of problems are parents that work long hours and often blended families... parents simply do not have the time to be room moms or work in the PTA or help at school functions...
One of the girls without problems says her Mom knows EVERYTHING that happens in school and is there when it happens.
Just yesterday she called me at work and said that she had talked with her friend about being dropped off at her home in the mornings this coming up Friday, Monday, and Tuesday. She usually goes to her best friends home in the mornings and her mom takes them to school but they are going out of town. I told my daughter the kids you for trying to help but that that wouldn't work bc she lives too far out of the way. And she just got so mad with me. Well WHY? What's the big deal? WHERE am I going to go then!?? And kept making sighing noises.
Anytime we ask her to do something she usually says I KNOW! With this as a matter of fact face like I already know this, why are you telling me this?
Unless it's an emergency I wouldn't have her calling you at work.
I personally wouldn't have given an answer right then. I would have told her you weren't sure if that would work but you would talk about it when you got home. I understand why you're upset, but in her mind this is a big deal because she's worried about where she'll go and how she'll get to school.
We get the I KNOW a lot as well. We just started asking how you know, and pointing out that it wasn't possiable to know. We also talk about better answers that will result in a more favorable outcome.
My daughter has had a real bad attitude with my husband and myself lately and we really don't know what to do. When I notice her getting an attitude I try and talk to her and figure out why she's getting so upset but it really doesn't do any good. She gets an attitude with me but she really has an attitude with my husband. He's not her real dad, he's her stepdad. We've been together for almost 6 years so it's not like this is all new to her.
What are some ways you deal with this? What do you say? What are some of your actions? I'm a Christian momma so I'm really trying to do this the Godly way. It also seems like whenever I talk about God or anything about the Bible, she really doesn't seem interested at all.
HELP!!!!!
Why should she be? Because you are?
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