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I followed this same advice and it was a godsend. But many people denounced this method and said it was cruel not to demand-feed. The book "Babywise" was what I used, out of print since it was deemed abuse. Our kids were very different (daughter was super colicky) but both slept and ate on a schedule early on. I can't imagine not getting sleep for months on end.
A SAHP deserves at least one night of rest per week. For crying out loud - they are people, not robots.
Given your criteria, a working parent should go to work seven days per week to uphold his/her end of the bargain.
What? No. I'm replying to the topic as it was presented and kept my comments to the problem at hand. He's working, she's not. Therefore when he is working, she needs to get up with the baby. Pretty simple.
What bargain? Where is it written that mom is on duty 24/7, and dad works M-F?
Well if its not understood that the working parent needs rest to be able to function at his paid job so his stay at home wife and child(ren) can continue to have a home, eat, etc. then there's nothing I can say.
OP asked for OPINIONS. I gave him mine based on MY experience. YMMV
Disripectful? You are disrispectful of what being a parent really means. If you are, you had an extremely easy baby and got lucky. First weeks of baby are a millon times harder than those jobs you mention. You have no idea.
And nice of you to assume i have an "admin assistan job" lol...not even close.
I actually have a job that i love and that is im writing a freaking book. I love it but its extremely demanding mentally cause it takes very specifich research and investigation. Still a trillon times easier than first months of taking care of a baby.
If you and hubby are happy with whatever arrangement you have, cool. Please note other people have different opinions than you do and operate their households differently than you operate yours.
I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if this is a repeat, but why are you coming to the internet to decide how you and your wife are going to handle feeding your newborn? This is a very personal decision, one that you both need to be comfortable with so having strangers tell you what you or she SHOULD be doing as regards the baby is not healthy for your relationship. Work it out between you, like people used to do before forums like this.
That was helpful.
You know people DO ask others for advice, especially those with experience in the topic. Instead of helping OP, you took the time and energy to insult him.
Our first "baby" was twins. We thought we were going to die. One after another they would wake up for feeding, then the other needed feeding, then the first needed burping, then the other needed burping, then the first needed changing, then the other. . .
Every 15 - 30 minutes one of them had a need. We asked our pediatrician how to not die. He said tough it out, they know what they need when and will let you know, so you need to respond on their schedule. This was a super highly regarded pediatrician who had written a highly regarded book and everyone said we were lucky to be able to get in with him. He had a waiting list. He had no kids.
My wife talked to some friends and on a whim visited another pediatrician. This lady was not famous, no books, no waiting list to be her client. She did have 8 kids. Oh and common sense. This pediatrician had common sense.
Among many wise things she told us is we were not doing the babies a good turn by being completely exhausted 24/7 and would certainly not be helping them if I lost my job or died in a car crash because I was too exhausted to drive safely. She taught us to put them on our schedule, rather than the other way around. Feed them at our bedtime. Feed them once in the night. Otherwise, if they cried, let them cry. They are not starving, they just wake up and think it might be nice to have a bite to eat, well they can wait. Waiting is not starving them and it is not harmful, it is putting them on your schedule rather than you being on theirs.
When my wife tried this and went back saying she could not bear it, Dr Common Sense said "Babies Cry Mrs. Jensen, get over it."
Finally after much consternation and crying, it worked. They got on our schedule. They ate and burped at bed time. They got changed, then ate and burped at 2 a.m. or whatever time. Usually my wife or her mother handled that because they could nap during the day (her mother came to stay with us for a month about two weeks after the babies were born, it was a Godsend, even though we rarely felt comfortable asking her to wake up at 2 a.m.). I had to work and be alert and at my best every day. The babies got used to it and stopped crying on and off through the night. They knew when feeding and changing time would come. If we were late, then they would cry.
On this any many other issues, Dr. Common Sense had a lot of advice that simply made a lot more sense than Dr. Great's advice. Always she focused on look after your health first. A healthy parent is essential to healthy babies. We let the next person on Dr. Great's waiting list have our spot.
The thrust is: forget "demand feeding" it is stupid. Get your baby on your schedule. You being healthy is more important both to you and to your baby. If you pediatrician insists you maintain demand feeding, find a different pediatrician.
Another wisdom from Dr. Common Sense, when the baby gets colicky and wont stop crying, put them in a box filled with blankets, put the box on top of the dryer and turn it on. 90% of the time the heat and vibration will put the baby right to sleep. She did say to make sure the room was well ventilated and the dryer exhaust was not leaking much. There is no indicating dryer exhaust fumes are harmful, but it is common sense not to expose them to things unnecessarily.
I would also recommend the Baby Whisperer by Tracey Hogg. She is very big on routines for babies. I did it with my oldest son and what a difference it made!
I would also recommend the Baby Whisperer by Tracey Hogg. She is very big on routines for babies. I did it with my oldest son and what a difference it made!
I read both Babywise and then the Baby Whisperer. Frankly, there was a lot in Babywise I agreed with, though I did find its tone to be a bit harsh. I agree with your assessment of Baby Whisperer- I thought it was good and presented a lot of the same themes as Babywise, but in a much kindler, gentler manner. The two things that stuck with me most from Baby Whisperer were the concept of "start as you mean to continue" and the concept of "accidental parenting" where very well meaning parents start habits and routines that eventually become unsustainable.
Although Hogg died several years ago, there is a great and supportive parenting forum dedicated to her concepts, and I used it extensively for the first several years. It's made up primarily of Brits and other Commonwealth parents, and maybe about 1/3 Americans, so there are some things that get lost in translation. OP, you can find the forum if you Google "Babywhisperer forum". It has entire sections dedicated specifically to sleeping, eating etc, and even those are split into more detail.
Last edited by Texas Ag 93; 04-25-2017 at 05:46 AM..
My husband was in graduate school and working full time in a demanding job while I stayed at home. What we did was he would do the 11 pm feeding (I would pump during the day so he had milk) since he was up studying. I went to bed at like 9 pm so I would get about a four to five hour stretch each night. Then he would sleep in another room so he got a full night sleep and I handled all of the other night time feedings. Once a week, he would handle one night of feedings so I could get a full night sleep. On the other weekend night I did the 11 pm feeding so I could get a really good night sleep.
I think that the SAHP should do the majority of the night feedings, but that the working parent should figure out a way that they can help while still getting a full night sleep, such as taking the last evening or early morning depending on their sleep wake schedule and/or doing a few feeds on the weekend.
I read both Babywise and then the Baby Whisperer. Frankly, there was a lot in Babywise I agreed with, though I did find its tone to be a bit harsh. I agree with your assessment of Baby Whisperer- I thought it was good and presented a lot of the same themes as Babywise, but in a much kindler, gentler manner. The two things that stuck with me most from Baby Whisperer were the concept of "start as you mean to continue" and the concept of "accidental parenting" where very well meaning parents start habits and routines that eventually become unsustainable.
Although Hogg died several years ago, there is a great and supportive parenting forum dedicated to her concepts, and I used it extensively for the first several years. It's made up primarily of Brits and other Commonwealth parents, and maybe about 1/3 Americans, so there are some things that get lost in translation. OP, you can find the forum if you Google "Babywhisperer forum". It has entire sections dedicated specifically to sleeping, eating etc, and even those are split into more detail.
Yes, I loved the simplicity of her EASY method and as silly as it sounds I liked having the "permission" to make time for me (the Y- You of EASY). Seems so simple but when you are a new parent everything seems complicated LOL.
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What? No. I'm replying to the topic as it was presented and kept my comments to the problem at hand. He's working, she's not. Therefore when he is working, she needs to get up with the baby. Pretty simple.
