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OP, why do you "care deeply" about this young girl? In a way, this doesn't seem appropriate to me. I think you need to re-focus on your marriage
If caring about other person's health, education, and future is inappropriate, I guess I'm in the wrong company.
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If you want to help this young girl, why don't you give her some information on establishing citizenship for herself once she turns legal age.
You clearly have no idea about US immigration policy. The only way she can get legal status as it stands now is to be adopted before 16 or marry a US citizen. Even if she goes the latter route, she will not be able to drive, get health insurance, go to college, etc. until she does. There is NO other option. How much of a life does that sound like to you?
Did you read any part of this thread? Her parents are the ones that initially brought it up. Again, not serious at this point--just an idea for all involved.
And, she's not a teenager and you have absolutely no idea how much time I spend or don't with her and *our families together*. Any time we're together, it's almost always all of us.
There is nothing perverted going on here. Read the rest of the thread.
Yes, I did read! Did you read what you typed? Read the bolded parts. If she's a few years away from her driver's license, that's like 2-3 years.....so doing the math 16-3=13 which IS a teenager!
YOU mention being like their uncle.....but you're NOT. Your own wife is uncomfortable with you and this girl. It is NOT normal to care deeply about someone else's teen daughter!!!
YOU said "if the girl's parents think it's an acceptable idea". That means the parents are NOT part of this discussion!
YOU don't appreciate any thoughts that disagree with you. YOU do sound like you have some seriously creepy attachment to this girl and that's incredibly disturbing not to mention a HUGE red flag.
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Originally Posted by cx5122
My wife has admitted she sometimes is jealous and resentful of the attention I give them, citing something along the lines that I seem happier in the moment with them than I am at home (even though we typically all spend time together).
We've gotten very close with the family over the past 3 years, and while both by wife and I are very close to their kids, it would be accurate to say that I am probably more close to them than she is.I adore them--and, could love them as my own if I needed to. They're amazing, smart, funny, etc.
We often all spend time together with my daughter--and they love her too. I always make a big deal of their birthdays, help with homework, and other things a good uncle would do.
The problem is that their oldest child (whom I can say I care deeply about) is not in the country legally. She was brought over when she was 1 and their parents never left.
She's still a few years away from getting a driver license and realizing that she has no legal status in the country, will not be able to work, has no health insurance, will have trouble going to college, etc.
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We haven't had the need to discuss this option seriously with all parties. But, I want to set the stage with my wife to be open to the idea (assuming the child and child's parents are, of course).
If this had to come up now, my wife would be against it. I want to find out what I can do in my marriage (if anything) to have her be more receptive to the idea. If the girl's parents think it's an acceptable idea, I will put in A LOT of effort to try and make it happen--and this could cause a rift with my wife. Even if I convince her to do it, I don't want her to then be resentful the entire time.
Yes, I did read! Did you read what you typed? Read the bolded parts. If she's a few years away from her driver's license, that's like 2-3 years.....so doing the math 16-3=13 which IS a teenager!
YOU mention being like their uncle.....but you're NOT. Your own wife is uncomfortable with you and this girl. It is NOT normal to care deeply about someone else's teen daughter!!!
YOU said "if the girl's parents think it's an acceptable idea". That means the parents are NOT part of this discussion!
YOU don't appreciate any thoughts that disagree with you. YOU do sound like you have some seriously creepy attachment to this girl and that's incredibly disturbing not to mention a HUGE red flag.
My wife is uncomfortble in my priorities with our family friends as a whole (eg. I do their taxes, help them set up a business, etc), not specifically in this girl. Mind you, she has 2 other siblings that I care as equally about.
If you've read any of the posts that gave me the advice I'm looking for (and even if they don't agree with me), I've accepted and thanked them.
Of course it's up to her parents, but they're the ones that initially brought it up.
If you want to make this about some creepy, perverted, weird, whatever you want to call it--thing, that's your interpretation. But there's NOTHING going on there.
This girl is not destined to have a horrible life because she isn't a citizen. There are other options and pathways in life. Once she's older and she remains here, she may very well marry a U.S. citizen. Or she might marry someone from another country and return there with him. You are not part of her future. I'm sorry.
This girl is not destined to have a horrible life because she isn't a citizen. There are other options and pathways in life. Once she's older and she remains here, she may very well marry a U.S. citizen. Or she might marry someone from another country and return there with him. You are not part of her future. I'm sorry.
You could be right. It could all work out while, in the meantime, she could be deported, not go to college, not drive, and not be able to pay for life-saving surgery because she doesn't have health insurance.
We just have a time limit with one option, and I'm simply saying it should be considered before dismissing it--for something that could have a profound impact on someone's life. Shame on me.
But, more seriously, it could end up fine regardless (law change etc). There's just a time limit on this option and we'll not be able to take it after a certain point.
You could be right. It could all work out while, in the meantime, she could be deported, not go to college, not drive, and not be able to pay for life-saving surgery because she doesn't have health insurance. .
I guess coming to America "for a better life" didn't work out then.
I guess coming to America "for a better life" didn't work out then.
Certainly didn't. Barely speaks her own language, came here through no fault of her own, and would have serious difficulties returning to her home country at this point.
If my wife and I can be an avenue of help, I want to consider it strongly if her parents (and her of course) make it a more formal discussion.
I think this could be considered a form of fraud with regard to obtaining citizenship. If this young person clearly has two parents, who have other children, immigration officials would wonder why their oldest child needed to be "adopted" by someone else. There are some red flags here that make it seem a form of fraud to gain citizenship.
I think this could be considered a form of fraud with regard to obtaining citizenship. If this young person clearly has two parents, who have other children, immigration officials would wonder why their oldest child needed to be "adopted" by someone else. There are some red flags here.
If you read any of the other posts that tried to bring that up, you would see that it is not fraud if the adoption is real. The intetnion is irrelevant. If we adopted her "on paper" but exercised no parental authority or responsibilities, that would be fraud.
This particular case happens all the time and I see it at least weekly in work. My profession is immigration, and a few judges I'm close with have validated that it's completely legal--as long as we actually are adopting her and not pretending to.
None of these arguments here matter.... you are just wasting your time. The only person who needs to be having these conversations with you is your wife. Our opinions are not likely to sway her, so that is why our opinions are completely irrelevant.
In my work, I have worked with families in the exact situation you describe. Parents come here illegally, bring one child who was born in the other country, and then the children born here are legal citizens. But the first sibling is not. So I don't debate you on that point at all.
But it really comes down to this: will your wife feel as invested in doing this form of personal charity as you are? That is the bottom line.
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