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My husband had to go back to work pretty quickly but he definitely was not out having casual lunch dates with friends or really doing anything fun outside of the house for awhile. Neither one of us had time for that for quite awhile. Just work and home with us.
A friend of mine's wife had a baby Thursday. This is their third child.
He works as a mental health counselor and has a steady desk job. I ran into him at lunch the day after at a restaurant with a mutual friend. He also writes on the side, and was at a local comic store promoting the book Saturday. He also pastors at a local church and was preaching yesterday. He's always out and about, and hardly ever mentions his wife or other children. She seems to just stay home with the kids, while he's always active and doing something.
It just seems odd that he is back to his normal routine so quickly after having a new baby. How long did it take for the fathers on here to back to their regular routine?
I am also a mental health counselor. I took off about 11 days. I loved being a part of every bit of the situ- ation . I had two children, a boy and a girl. Ironically my son was attached to me when he was born and would cry if I didn't hold him. That confused both my wife and I. What I think is more important is allowing the mother and child adequate time to bond. This takes years. With my first child my wife stopped work for 3 years. With our second child she stayed home for 5 years and even then she returned to work part time. I am a big believer that the first five years of childhood are extremely important for subsequent development. Given the research I think the government and employers should consider this a right. This of course is not always possible but if it is fight for this one ladies.
I was the bread maker...As my hubs was entering a master's program. He got to add to his home time by changing diapers while completing courses. So his routine was adjusted to the new child. We had two total.
In retrospect, i think the money should not have superceded moments a parent only gets one chance at. I can't buy a memory or bonding moment...
It's a great time to prioritize...
After my third a took a week off before going back to work. The next couple of weeks my mother in law came to town to help. Of course the routine is never fully back to normal... last week, I played golf for the first time since she was born two and half years ago.
Third child? This isn't new for him, a third child doesn't throw you for a loop like a first one does, IMO. What you perceive as odd might be normal for them, perhaps his wife is a homebody. By now each are very comfortable with their role within the family and what is best for them.
Yeah.
We were way more hovery and all up the shizz of the first baby. Everyone's routine changed, plans changed, daily activities changed, perspectives changed.
With the second, we were trying to leave the hospital right away and life just went on as normal (normal being how things became after baby 1).
I can imagine the third just slides right into that same groove.
I don't know why it has to be "selfish" or jump to conclusions about his behavior. It might work for them. She might have family or friends that help out. She might want him gone.
Lord knows I love my husband, but some things are just easier when he is at work.
Also, there is money...one income can be a challenge and he might need to make the money to raise the kids.
And his profession, I know many mental health professionals who take very little time off work. They are dedicated to being available for their clients so they tend to balance their work life with shorter days but less days off. That is pretty common.
Right except in this case he "writes" (a comic book) and does church stuff. I always thought that "charity begins at home" meaning to help out the ones closest to you before others. Apparently she needs no help because this is her 3rd and there's a routine? That must be why couples had 8 - 12 kids - no extra work!
If the arrangement is agreed upon by those invoved which are the parents of the children then it is not selfish and they need no input nor permission from random strangers on a public forum to do as they choose with their lives, marriage and children.
Since no one really knows every detail of their intimate lives anything that is seen and the resulting gossip is purely assumption, nothing more.
Babies don't arrive on a set schedule. Perhaps these were commitments that were already in place and the baby showed up a bit early - in that case, he could honor his commitments, and then plan on some time off. Or perhaps he's already planned the time off, but it's during the week when his wife needs more help with the older kids - getting them off to school or preschool, taking the baby in for well baby check ups, etc. They may both agree that the weekend was easier for her to manage and it made sense for him to work then so he could be more free during the week. Perhaps her mother is staying for a week or two and he'll take time off after she leaves, when Mom needs the extra hands.
All kinds of reasons this arrangement could make sense to those on the inside of it.
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