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I understand this is a heated topic, I mean who is to judge what people do and all, right? I can only speak from personal experience for my family.
1. We could either have the hectic metropolitan life working 2 full time jobs and working to shuffle the kids around and all that goes along with school holiday and schedules begging toxic employers for petty time off. Weekends committed to getting ready for the next week and household chores not completed during the work week only to do it all over again.
- or -
2. Simplify our lives, downsize possessions move somewhere cheaper and have one parent stay with the kids while the other focuses on the job and bringing in money.
For our personal situation, having done both, #2 is far less stressful and the kids are much happier. Smaller house, old cars, got rid of lots of our "stuff" don't travel. Basically live like my grandparents and parents did. For us, this has been a much better experience. We talk about how hectic life was before and it just wasn't for us.
People have to do what works for them
We started out doing number 2... And in 5 years time, rents doubled, home prices doubled, and property taxes tripled. Suddenly, that Somewhere Cheaper wasn't so cheap anymore, and there was nothing to downsize to.
I'm not really sure where to post this, this is a very directed question. This question has been pondering my mind for awhile and just would like a view from the other side
Background
Father and mother are millennials and just had a newborn baby child.
Both have 0 debt - pay everything off every month in full easily
They live a modest life - decent house ($300k), normal cars (low end Toyota/Honda/Ford/etc), no luxury goods, just a mellow normal life with no high expense taste
Only high expense is they love traveling and do it often, but that will probably change with a child
Father brings in $120-$150k year while mother brings in $50-$70k
Healthy savings
This new child is supposedly "everything" to them (you know how new parents are). Now my question is why doesn't the mother just take time off and take care of the baby full time for an extended time? I'm not saying retire, but esp when the baby is young and needs nurturing and attention, why not take an extended leave? Mother doesn't need to work per se (based on facts above). Reason I ask is because I see millienials these days are so focused on finding babysitters and getting straight back to work. It's great you have motivation and work ethics, but again you don't "need" to. Obviously your newborn child is not everything if you choose work over him/her
LOL. Honey I am 61 with a 24 year old son. He has always been "everything" to me. If you think that a mother going back to work is "choosing work over" the baby, you clearly don't know a damn thing about parenting, children, or people for that matter.
I'm not a millennial. I'm somewhere between Baby Boom and Gen X. I had a crap job when I got pregnant so it was easy to stay at home. I finally went back to grad school and got a useful degree but still had a hard time working full time due to my ex travelling a lot and a poor job market and my kids still needed quite a lot of my attention.
I worked full time for a couple of years along the way, but each time I used up every single scrap of personal leave/sick leave on caring for my kids. So I went back to part time. My kids really appreciated it and benefited. But in my career field I've been having a hard time getting off the mommy track...my current employer has passed me over for promotion to full time several times in the past 18 months so I found full time work elsewhere starting next month.
My younger daughter is going to graduate from high school next year! I can never retire because my retirement savings aren't up to snuff but it was worth it to me.
And here's what I see happen over and over again...new moms SAY they are going to go back shortly after the baby is born and then they realize they want to stay home.
Right. Because a lot of the posters here believe that grad school is better than caring for an infant. You just proved my point, by making fun of caring for the welfare of an infant.
The biggest trick neo-feminism ever pulled was making women believe they are useless and disposable as mothers and that careers are all that matter.
Why do you keep comparing parenting to going to grad school?
Clearly you don't understand feminism. Another feminist who stayed home with my kids raising my hand.
Why do you keep comparing parenting to going to grad school?
Clearly you don't understand feminism. Another feminist who stayed home with my kids raising my hand.
Yep...the point of feminism is the ability to choose. Choosing to stay home is great. Staying home because youhave no choice is not.
I've worked, stayed home and dialed back. Each has it's place. I'm grateful to have had the choice and the opportunity to do what's best for my family.
Last edited by maciesmom; 06-05-2017 at 05:51 PM..
I'm super confused about the posts about sleep trained kids acting like zombies, and moms with stamina getting up to nurse. I haven't had an infant in quite some time, but isn't the point to get them to sleep through the night? If they are eating enough during the day, it is better for mom and baby to sleep. But, hey, add that to the list of things we can fight about. "I must care more because I woke up more often..." What.ever.
I slept with the baby in my bed and barely woke to nurse, so I'm clearly the best mom here. Only with my second, though. I had trouble nursing the first one and ended up bottlefeeding. He woke once per night until he started sleeping through at maybe 6-7 months? I don't even remember. Maybe I'm actually the worst mom here!
I'm super confused about the posts about sleep trained kids acting like zombies, and moms with stamina getting up to nurse. I haven't had an infant in quite some time, but isn't the point to get them to sleep through the night? If they are eating enough during the day, it is better for mom and baby to sleep. But, hey, add that to the list of things we can fight about. "I must care more because I woke up more often..." What.ever.
Never met any zombie kids but guessing they deserve their own thread.
If getting up more makes a better mom, does that carry over to those moms who cook more to accommodate picky eaters? Those moms who enroll their children in 500 different activities, are THEY "better" based on driving hours logged?
Either way I'm probably screwed. My (bottle fed, daycare attending) kids slept through the night at 2 months and had fairly limited activities (1 sport per season, no traveling leagues). Clearly I'm a slacker in the mom department. Yet, my kids turned out fine and they still love me. Go figure.
She stays at home and runs a business and makes just under $20k as a hobby business tax free. IRS states if you have a hobby business it has to be under $20k in which you don't have to report.
Off topic, I know but I'd like to hear more about this. Sounds too good to be true.
Off topic, I know but I'd like to hear more about this. Sounds too good to be true.
I asked the same, LOL! Please share
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If you think that a mother going back to work is "choosing work over" the baby, you clearly don't know a damn thing about parenting, children, or people for that matter.
