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The fulfillment may not even come from the career itself. Traveling fills my cup. Being able to show my kids the country and world outside of their back yard makes me happy. Taking them to concerts and sporting events makes me happy. Being able to afford the competitive sports team for my talented kid makes me happy. All of that is possible because I work. That fulfills me. I don't really care that some people don't understand that.
I'm not necessarily implying it's the wrong choice. I'm stating that women who choose that seem to pretend they didn't, or that the choice to not stay home for the first years is such an obvious choice that it's not really a choice at all.
It's a choice. Everyone has 24 hours in a day, and how you spend them is a choice everyone gets to make (unless they are a child, or are incarcerated, or are bed bound, etc.).
Time is the stuff life is made of. Where you choose to spend yours shows what you value.
When people say it's not a choice, they may mean that the other option is just not an option for them. Or they may mean that with their current house payment etc., it's not a choice. The other option may be unrealistic, or too difficult. Whatever. It's none of your business.
Why does anyone work at all? Dads should also stay home instead of worrying about money. The kids will be perfectly happy wearing handmedowns that might or might not fit, living in a crappy subsidized apartment, eating whatever the food pantry might have, and having no opportunities to leave their own neighborhoods as long as mom and dad are watching and cooing over their every move until they move out. Nobody needs money.
Exactly. Who's to say what "enough" money is for another family?
Kibbie, no one is saying they don't understand what you're saying.
What I'm saying is, it's a choice you've made to spend the hours in a day you've been given the way you are.
And everyone has to make that choice for themselves.
...and that it comes down to money or first steps. That's what you, or someone said. You can't seem to make your point about "choices" without making it clear what you think the correct choice is.
Unknown, the simple answer is because they don't want to. That's what it boils down to.
Everyone makes choices in their lives (although some people say I didn't have a choice when what they mean is, this is the choice that I wanted to make and I'm not willing to explore why. As in, I live with my parents because I don't have a choice. I am rehoming my dog because I don't have a choice).
It's the same thing. Couples in the situation you describe do have a choice, but the choice seems overwhelmingly to still go to work so they don't even perceive it as a choice. They are choosing to miss out on a lot of their baby's growth to enjoy monetary luxury, and not get behind in a career.
But it's a choice. I saw a sign in a women's gift shop thing last week, "I was going to be a stay at home mom until I realized the kids would be there too". um hmm.
Something like that.
See. There's the judgement right there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by newtovenice
I can answer: yes.
It's just a JOB.
Remember Moonlighting? "A job doesn't love you back, Maddie."
I'm not really sure where to post this, this is a very directed question. This question has been pondering my mind for awhile and just would like a view from the other side
Background
Father and mother are millennials and just had a newborn baby child.
Both have 0 debt - pay everything off every month in full easily
They live a modest life - decent house ($300k), normal cars (low end Toyota/Honda/Ford/etc), no luxury goods, just a mellow normal life with no high expense taste
Only high expense is they love traveling and do it often, but that will probably change with a child
Father brings in $120-$150k year while mother brings in $50-$70k
Healthy savings
This new child is supposedly "everything" to them (you know how new parents are). Now my question is why doesn't the mother just take time off and take care of the baby full time for an extended time? I'm not saying retire, but esp when the baby is young and needs nurturing and attention, why not take an extended leave? Mother doesn't need to work per se (based on facts above). Reason I ask is because I see millienials these days are so focused on finding babysitters and getting straight back to work. It's great you have motivation and work ethics, but again you don't "need" to. Obviously your newborn child is not everything if you choose work over him/her
Why doesn't a father take time off work and stay home?
I am a working mother, despite being able to afford not working. Why?
1. If my husband were to die or divorce me, I need to know I can support myself.
2. I want my OWN pension in case of #1, so I don't want a large break in employment
3. I like working. I like having the purpose and skills.
4. Taking time off reduces your chances of promotion and lifetime earnings. It makes it very hard to find a job when you want to return. Skills atrophy.
5. My children LIKE daycare, the interaction with teachers/other children. They play outside, and learn, and become social, and aren't attached to me like it's life or death.
6. I like the break from my children
7. I'm not trained in early childhood education, so I pay someone that is. There is nothing wrong with that.
8. I want to set an example for my daughters that women can be independent, successful, have careers, etc.
9. My career affords me ample time off, holidays, weekends, mornings, evenings, and time off when my kids are sick, so I'm not just leaving them abandoned to childcare.
10. I feel my kids grow more with interactions outside of the house, and keeping them home would result in a lot of TV time that I don't think would be as good for them as their time spent with a early childhood education specialist.
11. Once they turn 5, they're in school anyway, so having them in daycare earlier will result in less trauma and an easier transition when they start real school.
12. My kids are extremely high energy, and get bored very easily. They're actually happier and more well balanced on the evenings they come home from fun and exciting daycare, then days we keep them home. By Sunday night they itching to get back to the fun of their friends and school activities.
13. I believe I'm a better, more nurturing, more patient mother because I get breaks and adult time.
I'm a millenial and a SAHM. Most of my friends are also SAHMs now, even though some had good careers beforehand.
My SIL however continues to work, but that's partly because she and her husband are about $200k in debt between cars, student loans and personal loans.
Years ago, before kids, a very career driven girl that I used to be friends with said that you can either give 100% to your career or you can give mothering 100%. If you do both, you're going to fall short somewhere. She chose her career but her frame of mind about it really stuck with me.
I think that women can have a career and be a parent, and many women nowadays don't have a choice, but it isn't what I would choose for myself.
If one parent (it doesn't have to be the mother) can afford to stay home I definitely think it is beneficial to the children, but sadly many families don't have that luxury.
Maybe they want to be able to retire and do things like send their child to college or trade school. The way things are today, if you can find work for a decent wage, you had better be working. Plus our economy is very uncertain. What if that husband loses his job and can't find another that brings in the same amount of money? Yes, there are very good reasons for mom and dad to work!
Maybe they want to be able to retire and do things like send their child to college or trade school. The way things are today, if you can find work for a decent wage, you had better be working. Plus our economy is very uncertain. What if that husband loses his job and can't find another that brings in the same amount of money? Yes, there are very good reasons for mom and dad to work!
Seems like they made a smart decision!
Yup. When my husband was laid off, we had a full year's salary in the bank, no debt, and shared one older car that we owned outright. It was 8 months until he was back to work (making less money, too) and another month until he got his first paycheck. We blew through most of our savings just making rent and buying the essentials, and it took several years to fully recover financially. It wasn't until then that we realized that being able to "afford" to stay home wasn't just about being able to survive on one income on a month-to-month basis.
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