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The conversation can more accurately be addressed by people in similar circumstances =empty nesters.
those who havent been through the experience?your day will come then you can deal with the same issues i'm dealing with.
You've really given the impression that neither you nor your wife likes her all that much. Almost all the words used to describe her are negative. So why are you so desperate to spend more time around someone you aren't all that fond of? I mean, it's okay, you can love someone without being best friends forever or whatever...and you'll probably get along better when you're both settled into the next phase of your lives. Spending more time with someone you're so negative about is unlikely to make you closer...probably the opposite. If you're wanting more socializing, why don't you join some groups or activities or whatever and make some friends whose company you enjoy, outside your family?
Your situation really isn't that unique that only people in your exact same shoes could understand. Anyway, many of the people responding in this thread HAVE been through this, or something similar, but I think you maybe just don't want to hear what they are telling you.
You've really given the impression that neither you nor your wife likes her all that much. Almost all the words used to describe her are negative. So why are you so desperate to spend more time around someone you aren't all that fond of? I mean, it's okay, you can love someone without being best friends forever or whatever...and you'll probably get along better when you're both settled into the next phase of your lives. Spending more time with someone you're so negative about is unlikely to make you closer...probably the opposite. If you're wanting more socializing, why don't you join some groups or activities or whatever and make some friends whose company you enjoy, outside your family?
Your situation really isn't that unique that only people in your exact same shoes could understand. Anyway, many of the people responding in this thread HAVE been through this, or something similar, but I think you maybe just don't want to hear what they are telling you.
Youve made up your own assumption that is totally wrong then gone on to rationalize the faulty assumption in the rest of your post..
Me thinks this topic has run its course, thanks all for your participation.
The conversation can more accurately be addressed by people in similar circumstances =empty nesters.
those who havent been through the experience?your day will come then you can deal with the same issues i'm dealing with.
They might be able to guess a little better than me, but they are still just guessing.
The conversation can more accurately be addressed by people in similar circumstances =empty nesters.
those who havent been through the experience?your day will come then you can deal with the same issues i'm dealing with.
I am an empty nester (kids are 34 and 30) and my GUESS is that her neighbor, who is psychic, is telling her to have less contact with you because she is transgender and is afraid to tell you, plus she is on major, major drugs for anxiety & depression because she feels overwhelming pressure from her father to spend time with him 24/7 to fill a void caused by his unexpected retirement while his wife is still working, plus she has a busy social life with her friends who love her and truly care about her as a person. But, that is just a GUESS, only your daughter knows the real reason or combination of reasons.
BTW, I never had this issue. My children always were in regular contact with Hubby and me, at a level that was appropriate, satisfying and happy on both sides.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
They might be able to guess a little better than me, but they are still just guessing.
The conversation can more accurately be addressed by people in similar circumstances =empty nesters.
We are empty nesters and we were glad we raised our children to be independent, productive adults. We did not harangue them everyday begging for attention. I will not have to deal with this issue like you, because I did not raise them to be my sole entertainment; I have my own life. Perhaps you need to get one.
She works as a dispatcher Friday and Saturday nights, she does a drive by on Friday evening to pick up a car the visit lasts as long as it takes for me to give her the keys and tell her where the car is parked we always invite her for supper but she never has the time,Sunday morning she returns the car and immediately wants to be driven home even though she has been invited for breakfast.Im not asking her to be a major part of my life but at least interact once in a while rather than a quick in and out treating Mom and i like inconveniences to be tolerated.
Doesn't she work overnights in a location that's a long drive away? I can tell you sometimes after a long night at work (I also work third shift) I just want to fall into bed, ESPECIALLY when I had a gnarly commute home in the morning and had been sitting in traffic for over an hour. I am just not up for hours of socializing after all that. Sometimes I can stay up til 9, 10am but other times I am just exhausted.
This is hard for people who work normal hours to understand, but imagine you have been up since 2am, and worked a whole 8-5 shift, and now it's 7pm and you'd really like to get to bed so you can wake up on time and get stuff done before going into work.
If it's a problem to take her home, is there a bus she can take to get home? You said she's a mile away right? That's walking distance...depending on the weather.
When I was in my early 20s, I would have said the same thing about someone who wanted to plan a get together that early. I am not an early person, so unless it was necessary there is no way I would have gotten up at 7:30am
Since breakfast is too early, did you ask if she would maybe want to do lunch instead?
I dont know if they all have adult children, but I'm guessing they've all been 20 something year olds and know what it's like to be out on your own. No one is saying to stop loving her (that's weird to think), but didnt you raise your children knowing that one day they were going to eventually move out? When you were your daughter's age, how much time did you actually spend with your parents?
Yeah, as a third shifter, I am very rarely awake at 830 am on my days off. I try to stick to my schedule more or less, but 830 isn't happening. Lunch is much better for me. I have some early riser friends who start nodding off at 9pm (but wake up by 5-6am with no problems) and they would be totally good with it. It depends on the person...I can believe 830am is too early for a third shifter.
I would do it if my parents were in town and I never saw them otherwise but not if I can see them anytime, I'd just tell them it was a bit early and could we get together later in the day.
There is a reason this girl is acting this way towards the OP, and we will probably never get it out of him. Young adults who had a good relationship with their parents dont act this way. Unfortunately there is a long history here, that we have no idea of, which has made this girl not want to spend 2 minutes with her dad.
There is a reason.
Ding. I agree. Perhaps OP should ask his daughter but I think he is too afraid of what the answer may be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jambo101
Anyone else got an empty nest and children who seem to be now distant from Mom and Dad?
My older sister moved out as soon as she finished HS and for the most part, she only calls my parents for birthdays, holidays, etc. There's no regular conversation/texting. She does come up from another state once per year and stays with them. I don't know. This has never really bothered my parents. They see ME regularly because I live in the same neighborhood. They have never thought less of her for her behavior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
Sorry - you have one daughter clearly on one extreme of the spectrum creating unrealistic expectations for the other. Your children are different from each other and likely have been all their lives. Treat them as individuals and they might not try SO hard to differentiate themselves from each other (sometimes in negative ways).
BTW - I hope you don't openly compare the daughters to each other to try to shame them - is the one daughter the family's "black sheep/scapegoat"?
Yeah. I know within the same families children behave differently. Some text/call every day, some don't.
And I wouldn't be surprised if the daughter picks up vibes.
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Youve made up your own assumption that is totally wrong then gone on to rationalize the faulty assumption in the rest of your post..
