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I'm not looking for 24/7 entertainment just some family bonding once in a while.
Have you tried (not in a nagging, hinting, or at all passive-aggressive way) directly just requesting something like, "Daughter, I know you're busy, but I miss spending quality time with you. Can we set a standing date for breakfast the first Sunday of every month?" (Or whatever pleasant but low-pressure event would fit both your interests and schedules...coffee, pizza and movie night, driving range session, trail hike, whatever.)
Sheesh! Now we know the problem, you are bored & lonely and are looking for someone to rescue you.
Tell your wife to quit her job so that she can entertain you all day! (just a joke)
Or start volunteering or get active with your friends and start posting all of your adventures on your social media accounts. (not a joke)
Don't count on your daughter to make your life exciting, only you can do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jambo101
So now the attacks begin.,looks like this topic has run its course
My comments were not mean't as an attack. The transition to retirement can be very difficult for some people. Often people are working 40 to 60 hours a week plus a long commute time, have a social life connected to co-workers (going to lunch, chatting in the break room, drinks after work, etc.), have a sense of pride and accomplishment in what they are doing on the job and then Zip! Zam! Zoom! Absolutely nothing but long conversations with the cat.
The seniors that I know who have had a happy transition to retirement plan and do a variety of activities during the day, volunteering, part time jobs, regular social activities with friends. In fact, the retirees that I know who appear to be the happiest often do all three of those things. Sometimes,heck, often, it is difficult to schedule get-togethers with a small group because the retirees seem even busier than when we were all working full time.
My comments were meant more as "don't put all of your eggs in one basket" type of thinking. Don't put all of your fun and adventures on your adult children. Make new fun and have adventures on your own. Unless there are things that you haven't shared, such as being bed-ridden with a debilitating disease, you can still get "out and about". Plan one or two activities for this week and report back to us. I bet that your need & desire to spend as much time with your daughter will decrease in it's intensity.
BTW, my mother was bed-ridden the last years of her life and still had a very active social life via the phone. She had several friends, some who were also disabled, who she spoke to every single day and other friends who she spoke to several times a week. Plus she had periodic visitors.
Where do you get that from-this- "The daughter seems happy in her life with large social circle that i view on facebook i suppose her lack of socializing is my problem to deal with as she is what she is,"?
Funny (ironic) thing-A friend and I were just talking today about our mutual daughters, who we can't ask any type of question to such as: "how is your job hunt going?" (her) or "how are the wedding plans coming along?" (me) because we'll get snapped at. In point of fact I have at least one other friend who says the same thing. It doesn't mean we don't like them.
Why would this dad like to see his daughter if he doesn't like her?
I was referencing this post:
Quote:
Originally Posted by jambo101
We invite her over frequently but obviously not after she has just finished a night shift, the usual reply is im tired or im busy or maybe another time.
I asked my wife what she thinks of our daughters behavior her response maybe right on the money, the kid has been spoiled rotten all her life and has grown up to be a selfish little brat.
I couldn't tell you why he wants to see his daughter if he has those opinions about her. Sounds like he's bored.
Several people have discussed their first apartments so I reached into the archives to recall mine. I had a 1 BR apt. with a roommate in my college town, where I worked for a while after graduation. It was 200 miles from my parents home, but I do recall them visiting at least once in the 6 months I lived there. I don't recall if I fixed dinner for them or if we went out to eat. I'm sure we included my roommate in any conversation if she were around.
Fast forward to my daughters' first apartments. DD #1 had an apartment about 30 miles away in Denver while she was in grad school. No roommate. We went there fairly frequently, once a month or so, often for an activity like going to a play, concert, etc. These trips usually began and ended at her apt. Sometimes she prepared a meal, sometimes we went out to eat. DD #2 had an apt. about 5 miles away in Boulder, with a male roommate. Again, we'd see her for an activity, often beginning and ending at her place. I do not recall that she ever fixed a meal, we usually went out to eat. If the roommate was there, he'd usually say "hello" and then go to his room.
I can't wrap my mind around three years with no visitation to the apt.
I did the same when I graduated college and moved out. Spent only major holidays with my parents even though I only lived 5-10 minutes down the road from them. From the age of 21-27 I couldn't be bothered to hang out with them since I was building my own life outside of them. I'm sure it hurt their feelings (as I'm sure it will hurt mine when my kids move out), but it was what it was - me becoming an adult and attempting to do it without my parents' involvement.
Edited to add: I was not terribly close with my parents growing up. While my parents provided a loving, generous home life for me growing up, when I moved out I felt the need to separate myself and become Girl rather than my parents' child.
Several people have discussed their first apartments so I reached into the archives to recall mine. I had a 1 BR apt. with a roommate in my college town, where I worked for a while after graduation. It was 200 miles from my parents home, but I do recall them visiting at least once in the 6 months I lived there. I don't recall if I fixed dinner for them or if we went out to eat. I'm sure we included my roommate in any conversation if she were around.
Fast forward to my daughters' first apartments. DD #1 had an apartment about 30 miles away in Denver while she was in grad school. No roommate. We went there fairly frequently, once a month or so, often for an activity like going to a play, concert, etc. These trips usually began and ended at her apt. Sometimes she prepared a meal, sometimes we went out to eat. DD #2 had an apt. about 5 miles away in Boulder, with a male roommate. Again, we'd see her for an activity, often beginning and ending at her place. I do not recall that she ever fixed a meal, we usually went out to eat. If the roommate was there, he'd usually say "hello" and then go to his room.
I can't wrap my mind around three years with no visitation to the apt.
Geography matters. I lived about 15 and 30 min from my parent's house. If anyone was going to anyone's home, it was me to theirs. I was not in a city center, near entertainment. There was just no reason for them to come.
Several people have discussed their first apartments so I reached into the archives to recall mine. I had a 1 BR apt. with a roommate in my college town, where I worked for a while after graduation. It was 200 miles from my parents home, but I do recall them visiting at least once in the 6 months I lived there. I don't recall if I fixed dinner for them or if we went out to eat. I'm sure we included my roommate in any conversation if she were around.
Fast forward to my daughters' first apartments. DD #1 had an apartment about 30 miles away in Denver while she was in grad school. No roommate. We went there fairly frequently, once a month or so, often for an activity like going to a play, concert, etc. These trips usually began and ended at her apt. Sometimes she prepared a meal, sometimes we went out to eat. DD #2 had an apt. about 5 miles away in Boulder, with a male roommate. Again, we'd see her for an activity, often beginning and ending at her place. I do not recall that she ever fixed a meal, we usually went out to eat. If the roommate was there, he'd usually say "hello" and then go to his room.
I can't wrap my mind around three years with no visitation to the apt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
Geography matters. I lived about 15 and 30 min from my parent's house. If anyone was going to anyone's home, it was me to theirs. I was not in a city center, near entertainment. There was just no reason for them to come.
I spent one year of college in an apartment in my parents hometown. While I went home for a meal or an activity perhaps once a week or a couple times a month i do not recall EVER inviting my parents to my apartment. It did not seem odd or unusual, at that time, to either me or my parents. They had busy lives, both working seven days a week at the family business, and frankly I had a lot more leisure time than they did with "only" going to school full time and working part time so I did the traveling to see them (and to help in the family business).
I'm thinking about some of my young nieces and nephews and I really doubt that they are inviting their parents to their apartments for activities or events. The adult children go to their parents for activities & events or meet at the parent's houses. They (the young adults) do the driving so that they do not inconvenience their parents.
So, I can see how going three years without an invitation to visit could happen.
Remember that the daughter actually sees one or both of her parents two to three times a week when she borrows a car (at their urging) to go to her night job. Perhaps, seeing them eight to twelve times a month (or sixteen to twenty-four times if you count both before and after work), plus holidays, is enough for her.
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