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Thought i was a loving parent who went out of my way to bring up a lovely daughter,never any physical or verbal abuse,gave her everything she ever wanted,the best of schools and all the soccer and skating activities,she moved to her own apartment 3 years ago and really has no interest in maintaining a relationship with her parents ,its as if i didnt call her once in a while we'd never hear from her again,its like she doesnt want to know us. in the 3 years shes never once invited us over to her place and only comes to visit us on the big holiday meal events (Christmas/Thanksgiving)or if she needs to borrow a car. Im Wondering where i went wrong.
How could any of us possibly know "where you went wrong" or if you even did?
Do you invite her over for meals or visits or do you expect her to just drop by?
ETA I was reminded by the other thread that she works a night shift. What has changed since your last thread? Have you invited her over? Do you take her odd work schedule into account when you schedule things? Do you ask what would work for HER?
Sounds like me when I was in my early 20's and just moved out on my own.
I was selfish, young, self involved, sowing my oats, invincible, testing the waters, traveling, partying, parents were the last thing on my mind.
Parents gave me my space, checked on me a few times a month, called me, kept tabs on me from afar.
Just let your child know you are there for them, and not to forget where they come from.
It will pass.
She's learning to be independent. You do talk to her and she is there for holidays, so you have not lost contact and she hasn't abandoned you.
Adults socialize with their friends, not their parents. It sounds to me like you are getting a fairly normal amount of attention from your adult child.
This is the same way I was when I first moved out and my daughter as well. Just like Gilah above stated. She just needs her space to be an adult. She will come back in her time. In the meantime I would just text her every so often(not everyday) to let her know that you are thinking of her. Don't push or be overbearing this will drive her away. Remember her schedule as that could part of it as well. When my daughter did this I was hurt like you. But now I realize that this is just her finding her way and trying to be grown up. Now she texts me almost everyday( we live in different states) but I don't push it. Don't fret mama, you did a good job and now she is independent!
I think this post says it all as to why the daughter doesn't go out of her way to spend time with the parents. The whininess, neediness and entitlement is overwhelming. Who wants to spend time with all that?
Sometimes our children need space and sometimes they need a kick in the butt. It is so hard to know which one is needed. Make a life for yourself and invite her when you want to and chill beyond that. I went through the same thing with my daughter and now my son and his wife are treating us as if we have the plague. It is really not a bad thing when our children are able to function on their own. We won't always be here.
My granddaughter just graduated from college. My daughter is suddenly becoming more attentive and acting like she is the adult and I am the child. Life is complicated.
I wouldn't sweat it. Kids in their early 20s are all about being independent and spending time with their friends. It's a phase, she'll come around.
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