What would you do? (baby, children, school, mother)

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

Originally Posted by *Danielle*

I would keep your daughter away from there...I would definitly speak try to speak to her father. He would be the one to really step in and physically remove her from that house.
What a sad situations...what kind of mother would just let this happen to her daughter? Ugh,,,that makes my skin crawl!

Oh yea, my daughter won't be going over there anymore. I don't even trust the Mother now.
I just need to find out the Dads name, I don't know it yet.

[Marlow]

I completely understand not wanting to make things worse for her--that's what makes it such a tricky situation. Hopefully if you talk to her first she'll know that even if her parents keep her from seeing you there are other adults out there who will help her. And I would talk to all the adults you know who know the kids--teachers, counselors, etc. So if the kids do report it to another adult they'll be less likely to discount the story.

One more thing. If I were you I'd start taking notes with dates and details, especially if the little girl opens up to you. Depending on how this plays out you could be interviewed or called to testify at some point down the road. Details will help corroborate her story.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

Originally Posted by Marlow

I completely understand not wanting to make things worse for her--that's what makes it such a tricky situation. Hopefully if you talk to her first she'll know that even if her parents keep her from seeing you there are other adults out there who will help her. And I would talk to all the adults you know who know the kids--teachers, counselors, etc. So if the kids do report it to another adult they'll be less likely to discount the story.

One more thing. If I were you I'd start taking notes with dates and details, especially if the little girl opens up to you. Depending on how this plays out you could be interviewed or called to testify at some point down the road. Details will help corroborate her story.

Of course, I hadn't thought of that, I will do that. Starting with the conversation I had with my daughter.

[sgresident]

I don't envy you one bit. that is a tough situation. I would ask your daughter if the little girl has any other friends. if so, i would try to chat up some other parents, neighbors etc on a casual basis and see if others have heard anything or have concerns. If they do, and things can be backed up, i would pursue filing some type of report. sometimes reports can be filed anonymously. If something happened to this child later, you would never forgive yourself if you are having these doubts.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

Originally Posted by sgresident

I don't envy you one bit. that is a tough situation. I would ask your daughter if the little girl has any other friends. if so, i would try to chat up some other parents, neighbors etc on a casual basis and see if others have heard anything or have concerns. If they do, and things can be backed up, i would pursue filing some type of report. sometimes reports can be filed anonymously. If something happened to this child later, you would never forgive yourself if you are having these doubts.

According to the childs own Mother, she is a loner, no other friends. I need to find out if anyone in my neighborhood knows anyone over in hers and see what the general idea is about him. He has lived over there since before the Mother married him.

[corel]

I would caution you about calling this little girls Dad. It's not really the norm to go from a healthy relationship to an abusive one, her dad may be just as abusive as the step. Try your best to keep the conversation casual and comfortable while trying to get more information from her, maybe while making cookies (I wouldn't do the "sit down talk").

I completely understand your being cautous before taking action to help ensure the girls safety, I would probably get some more information before taking action. Spend some more time with the girl, watch how she responds and interacts, and try to get her to open up. It's hard to know what to do when the systems set-up are so unrelaible.

[jtjmom]

My daughter has, on more than one occasion, helped friends that confided in her to get an appointment with the school counselor. I assume that your daughter is as concerned about her (or moreso) as you are? Perhaps that is an idea. If she had her friend go with her, the counselor might not seem that intimidating. It also removes you from the situation, and protects your daughter in the process. That way, things are handled in an appropriate manner, and the little girl knows that there are a lot of people out there that she can turn to for help.

Just a thought. My prayers are with you, your daughter, and that unfortunate child.

~D

[golfgal]

Originally Posted by corel

I would caution you about calling this little girls Dad. It's not really the norm to go from a healthy relationship to an abusive one, her dad may be just as abusive as the step. Try your best to keep the conversation casual and comfortable while trying to get more information from her, maybe while making cookies (I wouldn't do the "sit down talk").

I completely understand your being cautous before taking action to help ensure the girls safety, I would probably get some more information before taking action. Spend some more time with the girl, watch how she responds and interacts, and try to get her to open up. It's hard to know what to do when the systems set-up are so unrelaible.

VERY good point!

[mommabear2]

Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren

My daughter befriended a little girl who is on her bus, she lives in the development just behind ours. She came over and spent a day with us and then the following week, she came and slept over here in Friday night and then Saturday night spend the night over at her house. It was sort of a celebratory thing since it was my daughters birthday.

I think the girl seems very nice but her parents are strange. Her Mother asked my 10 year old if there was a man in my life because she was worried about pedophiles. WOW, I can understand thinking that but asking a child about it is going a little far. I personally would have asked the adult in charge not a child. I remember talking to the step Father and he seemed uncomfortable, like he wasn't used to being social.

I had time to speak to both parents and at first glance the STEP Father seemed nice enough. Then my daughter came home from the sleep over. I am thankful she felt she could confide in me.

She tells me that twice when she was there, the step father called the little girl into the master bedroom to scream at her and threaten her. Apparently on a previous occasion, he picked her up by her hair and he threatened to do this again. WAIT FOR IT, because she said the word hell. The second time was because she got her Mothers keys and went out to the car to retrieve her ipod without asking. Keeping in mind that it was daytime when she went out there.

Even though my daughter was in the little girls room,she could still hear the screaming going on and the little girl was crying when she came back both times. She confided in my daughter, begging her not to tell anyone for fear what this man would do to her if he knew. She says she is affraid of him and dreads to see him. She was glad he was going away for business this week while the Mother was upset he was leaving. Apparently the Mother is aware of his behavior and stands by while he does these kinds of things.

My daughter says when she went to get a drink from the fridge, she saw several bottles of either wine or liqour. Of course this particular part might have nothing to do with the whole thing but I am worried about this little girl.

I have told my daughter that she can't go over there anymore or sleep over, I am concerned about her being around this man and I just know that if he looses it with my daughter, there are going to be some consequences he won't care for, I will be all up in his business like he has never seen. I get the feeling he is the kind of man who likes his women quiet and compliant. BOY will I be a shock for him.

I have asked my daughter to keep her ears open should she say more and tell me. I also have asked her to find out what her last name is, its not the same as the Mother's since she remarried. Apparently her Father lives in Longwood.

Lets say that things are as bad as it sounds, its not an exaggeration on the part of the children. The only thing I can think that might help this child is to speak with the Father. I just don't want to do anything that would make her life worse.

I have also told my daughter that her friend can come over here anytime, I would like to think she can come here and have a little peace.

For example, when my daughter has a sleep over and there is no school the next day, I allow them to stay up as long as they want to. I do ask that they be quiet enough for me to go to sleep however. The Mother told me that they require that she remain in her room and not make any noise. I can understand this but I am getting a feeling this man is a tyrant and very touchy about the noise kids make and so forth.

Meanwhile my daughter is very upset for her friend and can't stop thinking and worrying about it.

Here he marries a woman who has two children, he has never had children, that has to be a big adjustment. He also works from home.

I don't know, what do you guys think of this whole thing?

Report it. Anonymously if you have to. Your daughter can also tell a teacher who will then be required to report it. Let me just emphasize that this abused child may not realize that her environment is toxic. Sometimes, all it takes is one person - who doesn't look the other way - who can save this child. She will more than likely be placed back into the home... but, she may get enough insight from "normal" people who can show her that the way she is being treated is seriously WRONG. I think speaking to the father is a lost cause... let professionals deal with him.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

I know what will happen if she goes to the school counselor, she will report it and DCF will go to their house and after they are gone, the little girl will be in HUGE trouble, in the house all by herself.

AND I agree with what your saying about the Father, he could be just as bad or worse. Thats why I was going to talk to her a little bit about her Father.

I know the school counselor at her brothers school so I am thinking of going to talk to her. The school counselor at my daughters school is a brain dead idiot.