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your best bet may be to just back off, not subsidize her bad habits and model the behavior you expect from her. She's 14, not 5- you missed the window for this to be an easy lift.
OP- This is the tactic I have been doing. We started when she was 5. She would probably be 500 lbs if I did not do my best to keep her moving and lead by example. My 6 year old is tiny. My 13 year old is not.
It sounds as if your daughter has very few interests outside of eating, hanging out with overweight friends, and watching TV.
Try to broaden her horizons rather than enabling her to broaden her body. Start with whatever she's watching on TV - take her to the library, and borrow books that relate to that. Get some books on teenage fashion, hairstyling, participatory sports, good young adult novels, classic novels, biographies, anything that will lead to wider interests. Make sure reading is a treat and not a chore. Even if she's sedentary while reading, it's far better than constant television watching and will exercise her brain and imagination.
The world is a big place, and it includes far more than food and television.
Turn off the TV. Pull that plug. No TV as background noise. Or at least limit her watching - so many hours a week, not more than an hour and a half a day with exceptions for specials.
Take her to local or nearby state parks, libraries, historic sites and other places of interest. Walk - even if you're walking inside, from exhibit to exhibit, that counts. Give her something interesting to focus on while you're walking. Consider using earbuds and recorded books or music to distract her from whining while walking (you could probably use them, too, right now, so she won't be trying to badger you - if you can't hear her, why bother with badgering??).
Invite one of her heavyset friends to walk with you. The girls can complain among themselves, but they'll benefit in the long run. Once home, they can enjoy chilled cubed cantaloupe. Delicious, sweet - and very few calories. Or turn it into a smoothie. Fresh strawberries or peaches would also work as a healthy treat.
Tennis is probably too much right now, but how about croquet and/or badminton? Bowling? Table tennis (ping pong)? Water aerobics at the Y? Once she starts to improve muscle tone, even if weight loss isn't apparent, calories will come off more quickly and it will be easier for her to move.
If you have or get a dog, would she walk it? Play fetch? Maybe she could volunteer at the Humane Society and walk and play with their dogs.
Just get her moving, and cut down on her food intake. Substitute low-calorie, healthier foods that still taste good - probably "good=sweet" in her opinion - whenever you can. Presentation can make things look more or less enticing, too (this goes for people as well as food).
But you'll need to be the parent. You don't have to be "mean" - but you do need to be firm at times. You can be understanding, you can have a heart-to-heart with her to try to make her understand that you're not picking on her but want her to be healthy and happier and that you want to help her - and that means that while you'll always love her, you may not always let her have her own way, and that there are times that you'll be making the decisions - but those decisions will always be made with her best interests in mind and heart.
Good luck to you and your family - and hang in there.
Or walking with the daughter 1/2 hr./day after school or after dinner would help a lot. If the gym seems too boring for her, she could join one with a pool, and swim laps.
Completely agree. Got to get her moving. We have 6 kids and wouldn't you know it the only one that seems to be able to put on the pounds in our daughter. She is 10 years old and loves to eat. As parents we helped change her food choices. She also got busy. She is involved in Taekwondo and cheer. We take the dog on 20 to 30 minute walks in the morning and / or evening. Now that school is out she goes with my wife in the morning on the dog walks. We bought her a bike that she loves to ride. When I am out front she is riding her bike up and down the street. Maybe three times a week we take a long bike ride. The activity level and the change in diet has helped a lot. Our family is active. We spend time at the beach and hiking around the area. The activity helped a lot and of course as a kid she was able to grow into her weight so to speak. Now she is where she should be. Just a healthy 10 year old girl.
Kids can and do find food without consent. I cannot control what my daughter eats when she is away from me.
I have always been very thin. I have always bought healthy foods, encouraged good eating habits and lead by example. We eat lots of grilled chicken and veggies. Very little starches. We always have fruit and veggies, hummus and only have water bottles to drink.
My daughter is 13 and probably 175 lbs. She does not want to hear it, and could care less if she is fat. It is not what she eats but the quantity that she eats. She will eat 2 lbs of fresh strawberries in a sitting. Strawberries are very healthy. 2 lbs as a snack is not.
We stop at a convenience store, she will pick up chips or combos, and my son picks up string cheese or an apple.
She started to gain weight as soon as she could open the fridge. She would get up and eat at night while the rest of the house was asleep. I have had her in counseling and food clinics.
We have acreage and a creek in our backyard. We hike and bicycle all the time. I enroll her in sports and take her swimming often. She is at camp this week. I do my best to get her moving, and try to encourage her to choose foods and portion sizes wisely. But at some point she has to want to be a healthy weight and make the commitment. She will never be skinny because of me pushing her to be skinny.
Wow, wow, wow. You said that you can not control what your daughter eats when she is away from you. But you also say that she picks up food at a Convenience store that you brought her to. If she is in your home then you do have control of how much she eats and the kind of food she eats. She did not get 175lbs from eating strawberries
This is a health issue. They may well be on their way to Type II Diabetes or Metabolic Syndrome. Even at their age they might be in the early stages of atherosclerosis and coronary artery disease.
Step 1 should be a visit to a couple of doctors -- start with your pediatrician and you may need referrals to a pediatric endocrinologist or perhaps even a pediatric neurologist and a pediatric cardiologist.
As hard as it is, you must be the grown-up and remove all unhealthy food. You already know what that means. It is tough to do.
No cheat days. None. Zero, zip, nada. Ice cream, chips, popcorn, donuts etc must NEVER be a reward for having done well for a few days. There are other rewards.
Your children's lives might literally depend on it.
Who cares if she whined? She still went. She's allowed to hate it. I see adults complain about exercise. If you keep engaging her by arguing it's just going to keep reinforcing exercise =punishment. Let her complain but just let it be white noise to you.
If I were you, I would be looking for healthier versions of food that she's used to. Imo, trying to go from junk food junkie to steamed veggies and broiled chicken is too much. It will make the healthy food seem like punishment. You can work on lowering carbs by using cauliflower mash in place of potatoes. Use cheese on veggies, make chicken tacos, etc. Kids want kid foods, it's up to you to find a way to make them more nutritious. There's tons of recipes for getting veggies into desserts, etc.
I would also not have any excess food in the house except for some healthy snacks. I wouldn't buy anything that I didn't have a plan for using in a recipe. I would shop a couple times a week. It would be more inconvenient and possibly more expensive but that's the cost of trying to make permanent changes.
Wow, wow, wow. You said that you can not control what your daughter eats when she is away from you. But you also say that she picks up food at a Convenience store that you brought her to. If she is in your home then you do have control of how much she eats and the kind of food she eats. She did not get 175lbs from eating strawberries
I didn't say I buy it. Left to her own defenses she chooses junk. My son chooses healthy. And yes she got to be 175 lbs from over eating. She has no concept of portion control. Strawberries were only one example.
The problem is the parents, or mothers, addiction to food. Not the daughters
Come to our house and there is hardly any food. Why? Because we don't eat that much. There isn't junk food here except some cheese because WE don't eat it so it cannot be in the house. Once mom and dad get serious about health, daughter has no choice because what is in the kitchen is what is available.
What I learned in my twenties when I started cycling pretty hard is all the cyclists seem to have the SAME food in their pantry/fridge. There just isn't a huge selection of food to eat when you want to stay healthy but offhand, here it goes. Oh we also have peanut butter (very fattening) but hardly eat it
Sardenes
Tuna
Kidney beans
hamhocks (bought from local butchers, locally raised grass fed cows) for soups
dry peas
wild alaskan salmon
potatoes (for when you splurge, get REAL organic butter and REAL Organic sour cream)
bananas
oranges
bread (no wheat bread, yuk, Everything taste wheat)
jam- organic
Nuts- salted but you want unsalted
popcorn
cinnamon
real sugar
Everything we buy is non-geo
Husband just went to the local gas station to buy me a Twix. Normally if we want treats, we cycle there.
Always cycle or walk to get treats. Never buy and bring home
Buy a juicer. As people drink or get what they need nutritionally, they do not crave junk so much. need to curb cravings first and foremost. eat all u want, just burn enough calories off to take care of the food. Cannot be lazy AND eat. If you love food, then you need to love exercise. Love sitting around, cannot eat nearly as much
Organic dark chocolate is GREAT of you and stops cravings for chocolate. I don't like the taste but it often curbs my #1 craving for a king size recess
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