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When I was 16, my parents gave me a backpack, a plane ticket to Amsterdam, and a Eurail pass.
Different parenting styles, I guess.
Hard to imagine for me but I do think it's a great thing for some families. I think he would cope if I sent him away on a trip.. it would probably be me that didn't function so well.
I am thankful I shouldn't be dealing with this for much longer. If I don't get a handle on it sooner, eventually he will move out anyway. Sure I'll worry about his well-being and hope he is making smart choices but there's something to be said for our children NOT being right unferfoot. At least an alternate living arrangement would give me the fr edom to focus on myself as I'd like to start doing. At 45 I have plenty of life to live. I have been raising kids for 28 years now... that's 28 years of putting them before me (mostly...) and I'm damn good and ready to start this new chapter in my life.
I'm 46, my son is now 20. When he graduated from high school at 18, I felt I was graduating too! I totally get craving the freedom now that he's grown. It's awesome being able to go off and do what you want. Congratulations.
You know this, we'll always worry about our kids. But I think there comes a time where we have to realize we've done all we can in raising them and trust that we've raised them to be responsible adults.
I had the same concerns at 18, and my son was home alone since he was 10. What were they called? Latchkey kids? I had to work and he had to get on the bus by himself in the morning and get off the bus and in the house by himself in the afternoon. He had his first overnight alone at 17. He was a pro at being alone, and yet, at 18 I still worried.
What helped me was giving him lists. I did when he was 10 and did it at 18. My lists were things he needed to do around the house. He likes working with his hands, so at 18, I gave him home decor projects to work on while I was away. He built and painted a shelf for my laundry stuff. He built a doggie bed for zak. He loves doing that type of stuff now and it gives him a sense of pride once he's done.
Maybe you can give him some projects around the house to work on while you're away. Maybe something needs tightening or painting. It'll give him something to do to hopefully stay out of trouble, and he may find a hobby he likes.
But, also, enjoy yourself. I know it's hard but keep him in the back of your mind but be sure you're having a good time as well. You've raised 3 kids, it's your time! It gets easier the older they get and the more you leave them.
Hope this helps a bit.
Let's see. When daughter was 15 she went with her soccer team out of town overnight. We couldn't go, so we gave her the credit card and told her to get her own room. Other parents were along on the trip, but it was a first step. At 18 we dropped her off at college. She took care of herself just fine and has flown to several states on her own since then. For our son, soon as he moved up from Cubs to Boy Scouts, we put a back pack on him and sent him with his troop. Again, there were adults there but he began learning how to care for himself. The skills he developed have been helpful. At 14 we left him alone in the house while we went on an overnight trip. He turns 18 in a week.
So yes, I've been there with one and am there with the other.
Your son is 18. He can handle being alone overnight.
He still lives with me and overall is a good kid but I am paranoid to leave for a weekend. I have such anxiety about being some distance away and something happening to him or him deciding to take advantage of an empty house. I know I am trying to maintain control of a situation that really isn't controllable, with the exception of my presence preventing a gathering at my house. Somehow I just feel better and less anxious at home but what I REALLY want is to be able to do things I want to do. MY bf lives an hour away and my time spent there has been less because of this anxiety. I have a opportunity to go to the ocean for this weekend and maybe through the 4th and the FIRST thing I think about is anxiety leaving him, NOT how fun it would be.
I think I am like this for a variety of reasons. First is that he's never been great at keeping me updated on his whereabouts, especially now. Not that I am expecting to know his every move, but when it's 11pm and I haven't heard from him, a quick text would be nice. It takes 3 seconds. Additionally, I work around law enforcement and hear about the cases... coroner cases, accidents, etc and these things just stick with me. Also, I am a worrier.. it's just how I'm built. I ruminate about all the awful things that "could" happen. I know this isn't helpful but it's very hard to stop. I am seeing a therapist about it but it's still early on. One thing my therapist DID point out is that my anxiety is not my son's fault nor is it his responsibility to ease my anxiety. I get that. I feel trapped and I want to trust that he can live his life without mom always around and I want to be able to get on with my life as well. Him turning 18 isn't just a big deal for him but for me also.
Did you guys deal with this at all? Any words of advice? Alternative perspectives maybe?
He is 18. Old enough to be in the military. During the Vietnam War, males this old could be *forced* into the military, to physically fight for the country. Isn't a weekend by himself a bit on the trivial side in comparison?
Let's see. When daughter was 15 she went with her soccer team out of town overnight. We couldn't go, so we gave her the credit card and told her to get her own room. Other parents were along on the trip, but it was a first step. At 18 we dropped her off at college. She took care of herself just fine and has flown to several states on her own since then. For our son, soon as he moved up from Cubs to Boy Scouts, we put a back pack on him and sent him with his troop. Again, there were adults there but he began learning how to care for himself. The skills he developed have been helpful. At 14 we left him alone in the house while we went on an overnight trip. He turns 18 in a week.
So yes, I've been there with one and am there with the other.
Your son is 18. He can handle being alone overnight.
This is not about sending a child on a chaperoned trip out of town w/o parents, or camping with the Boy Scouts in a chaperoned situation, or dropping a kid off at college where there are other people around constantly and an RA for help. I would be very wary of leaving a 14 yo home alone overnight. As I said earlier, it never came up in parenting days.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1
He is 18. Old enough to be in the military. During the Vietnam War, males this old could be *forced* into the military, to physically fight for the country. Isn't a weekend by himself a bit on the trivial side in comparison?
I'll point out that in the military, one is almost never left "home alone", either. This is a logic fail.
This is not about sending a child on a chaperoned trip out of town w/o parents, or camping with the Boy Scouts in a chaperoned situation, or dropping a kid off at college where there are other people around constantly and an RA for help. I would be very wary of leaving a 14 yo home alone overnight. As I said earlier, it never came up in parenting days.
I'll point out that in the military, one is almost never left "home alone", either. This is a logic fail.
Even the OP knows that this is her struggle and not logical. Why be so passionate to fight so hard for this? Remember, this isn't about your kid.
I was babysitting other peoples kids when I was 14 years old. I find it bizarre that nowadays, parents will hire babysitters for their 16, 17 year old kids.
At 18, a person is legally old enough to vote, drive a car, work, join the military and do many other things. Unless the 18 year old has special needs of some sort, they are fine to be alone for a weekend.
I have a friend whose adult daughter has special needs (mild mental disabilities) and she can't be left alone. But with anyone else it would be fine.
Even the OP knows that this is her struggle and not logical. Why be so passionate to fight so hard for this? Remember, this isn't about your kid.
Remember, this isn't about YOUR kid, either, yet you keep posting, have diagnosed the mother as paranoid when you're never met her, have made many inferences about her over-the-counter, etc. What's your deal?
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