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Where do you get the idea that he's overly sheltered? It seems like he lives at home and has the privileges and expectations that most 18 year olds living at home would have. Don't have a house party, don't smoke pot at home, don't drive under the influence, call and let me know if you're not coming home. Other than that, he seems to have the freedom to do what he wants. Do you know something the rest of us don't know about this family?
Where do you get the idea that he's overly sheltered? It seems like he lives at home and has the privileges and expectations that most 18 year olds living at home would have. Don't have a house party, don't smoke pot at home, don't drive under the influence, call and let me know if you're not coming home. Other than that, he seems to have the freedom to do what he wants. Do you know something the rest of us don't know about this family?
He is 18 and has never been left alone over night. 18. 18. He is 18 and his mom is terrified to leave him over night. We all have the same info. In my book, that is super sheltered and not reasonable unless he has shown reasons why he isn't trust worthy.
He can vote, smoke, go to the military, get married, go to college, get a loan, sign a lease, heck even buy a house if he had the cash. But his mom doesn't want to leave him home alone for the weekend?
He is 18 and has never been left alone over night. 18. 18. He is 18 and his mom is terrified to leave him over night. We all have the same info. In my book, that is super sheltered and not reasonable unless he has shown reasons why he isn't trust worthy.
He can vote, smoke, go to the military, get married, go to college, get a loan, sign a lease, heck even buy a house if he had the cash. But his mom doesn't want to leave him home alone for the weekend?
Come on now...
I think the first time leaving them overnight is probably scary to every parent. It needs to be done, of course, but most people would be nervous. I also don't think it's overprotective to not leave kids overnight prior to them turning 18. Seems like a decent number of things could go wrong, and many would not be comfortable doing that until the kid is not only mature enough, but also a legal adult.
18 is not a magic number. You might feel comfortable leaving a kid at 16 or 17, and some kids might really not be mature enough until 19. It's not like she said he's 24 and has never been left home alone. It's his first year of being a legal adult. He's almost definitely not the only kid in his group of friends who hasn't had run of the parental home overnight before. And he's probably spent nights away from home before while not under her watchful eye. Just not home alone in the home that she owns and is responsible for. I'm not really seeing any of this as out of the ordinary, except for the anxiety level of the mom, if she truly is "terrified."
Anyone who wasn't at least a little bit concerned about leaving an 18 yo home alone for the first time, as in totally alone, for maybe up to 5 days would be foolish. That's a message to those who have much younger kids who say "he's an adult". Also, to some of you with younger kids who don't "get" this, most 18 yo's, IME, either live at the parents' home, in a college dorm, or with roommates. Few are living totally by themselves at this tender age.
How does your son feel about dealing with your paranoia and being overly sheltered? Does it cause any trouble in your relationship or in his life? It seems like just your lack of trust in him could be harmful.
Good Grief! (Aren't you the one who mocked me for saying that?) For starts, your therapist would be appalled at you diagnosing someone you'd never even met with paranoia!
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
Isnt this the reason why you teach your children, through progressive freedoms and responsibilities BEFORE they are 18? We raise adults, not children. That is the goal. So before they are 18 is when they are given freedoms and learn, through consequences that aren't jail, how to be responsible.
Do I 100% trust an 18 year old. No. Mine went to college then and I didn't follow them. They made mistakes but are doing well. Would I trust an 18 year old in my house for days on end...no. That's where I keep my stuff. So I would have someone drop in to keep an eye on things.
Then again, if I did really trust my kid at 18, I wouldn't have a problem with it.
P.S. I started being left alone over night when I was 14 and traveled and stayed on my own to a different state when I was 16. I was a responsible kid and had proven that over the years prior.
You know, my kids went off to college, and I didn't follow them either. They each went about 1000 miles away (different colleges). In fact, their experiences were different than those of the kids who lived closer by. When they got sick, which kids inevitably do, they had to find a doctor and find a way to get there. When my DD's roommate got sick, her mother made an appointment, drove the 50 miles or so from her home to the dorm, picked her up and took her to the doctor. But going off to college is not like being "home alone". Even in these days, when "in loco parentis" has been dropped in favor of pretty much "anything goes WRT curfews, visitation by the opposite sex, leaving campus for days at a time, etc, college kids are pretty sheltered if they live in the dorms, which most colleges require at least of "first years" unless they live at home or with some other family member. Most kids have a meal plan, so no meal prep. There's very little housekeeping other than changing one's bed when one gets the urge, and doing laundry. No maintenance, no upkeep required. Have a problem, call the housing office. There are other people around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy
Where do you get the idea that he's overly sheltered? It seems like he lives at home and has the privileges and expectations that most 18 year olds living at home would have. Don't have a house party, don't smoke pot at home, don't drive under the influence, call and let me know if you're not coming home. Other than that, he seems to have the freedom to do what he wants. Do you know something the rest of us don't know about this family?
Exactly! And to add to what I was saying above, can he manage the house for several days? Does he know what to do in an emergency? I'm not talking about knowing when/how to call police/fire, I'm saying, does he know who to contact if there's some other kind of problem, e.g. (just giving examples now) power goes out; water starts leaking all over the place; what to do after the fire, as in, who to call about getting some repairs done; who to contact if he has an auto accident, etc. Can he fix some simple meals for himself?
You done good, Mom. Bite the bullet & pack ya bags!
I do understand, I have 3 sons, it's hard the first time but I bet everything will be just fine.
Report back to us so we can celebrate your new independence!
I agree with this. It is very hard for moms to separate themselves from their grown children. It was for me. You have poured your values and advice into your son, OP, and now he can be more independent. He might screw up, but that is part of learning.
I would tell him my expectations in my absence, like you would prefer he didn't have more than one or two friends over while you're gone, and no drinking, etc.
My youngest son was the hardest for me. He is a great kid, and very trustworthy, but the stories that have come out in the past few years about the things that went on when the parentals left for a few days are kind of bad. Things like shooting deer off the back deck, and what happened to the $200 bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue....
Anyway, he turned out great, and so did his friends.
Isnt this the reason why you teach your children, through progressive freedoms and responsibilities BEFORE they are 18? We raise adults, not children. That is the goal. So before they are 18 is when they are given freedoms and learn, through consequences that aren't jail, how to be responsible.
Do I 100% trust an 18 year old. No. Mine went to college then and I didn't follow them. They made mistakes but are doing well. Would I trust an 18 year old in my house for days on end...no. That's where I keep my stuff. So I would have someone drop in to keep an eye on things.
Then again, if I did really trust my kid at 18, I wouldn't have a problem with it.
P.S. I started being left alone over night when I was 14 and traveled and stayed on my own to a different state when I was 16. I was a responsible kid and had proven that over the years prior.
Which is really the point, isn't it? Not much sense in telling the OP she should have started leaving her son alone years ago, she didn't. We did, well before our kids were 18 we left the country for 10 days, with a neighbor's high school senior to check in on them. And our kids traveled outside the US alone, beginning at age 12. No regrets, and fortunately, no calamities.
Different strokes for different folks, nobody can dictate a parent's comfort level.
Well, worrying about a house party is a valid concern. But at least you won't have to worry about him drinking and driving.
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Bite the bullet & pack ya bags! 
