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An 18 year old is pretty much raised but they're pre-frontal cortex is not fully developed - it's basically a handicap like a toddler, only worse. No matter how well a foundation a parent has given their child, peer pressure and wrong judgment in a moment of weakness can have harsh consequences for someone of legal age. Perhaps there is a little intuition mixed in with the anxiety.
So here's a few ideas -
GPS the car that he drives that you own - you have to get a separate phone though that works with the towers in your area - there's quite a few cheap plans out there. (Make sure there is adequate battery, ring and display are off). Use an app on your phone to see where that car is. Put a voice activate recorder in your house then listen to it, when you get back. It'll feel so wrong that you won't do any of that again, but on the off-chance there is something amiss, you'll know. And remember it's like a photograph - a snapshot in time but not indicative to how he is. Also, what if he finds out - then that would cause some damage in your relationship.
Or you both could use apps on your phones to check in with each other. Going this route, requires a bit of forethought - If you've been a helicopter parent, explain this will allay your anxiety, if you have been the sole provider and nurturer, remind him that for so long, you were on high alert that this will help you adjust.
Well, worrying about a house party is a valid concern. But at least you won't have to worry about him drinking and driving.
However, in some states you have to worry about someone getting drunk at your house and then killing someone on the road, especially if they're underage.
Says the person whose oldest is what, 5? Just wait a few years and you'll be thinking the same thing.
OP, two suggestions, actually one with different approaches.
1. He has a friend stay with him at your house.
2. He stays with a friend at their house.
Good idea! Or any relatives that could randomly drop by or a neighbor. Just to keep him on his tows so he doesn't plan a party or have a girlfriend over? These would be the things I would worry about with an 18 yr old home alone knowing I'll be gone for a few days. Yes, he's an adult but he's still young and that won't stop him from doing something stupid.
However, in some states you have to worry about someone getting drunk at your house and then
Yes. My sister and BIL left my then-17 year old niece (who was--and still is--a "good kid") for a few days alone and after she invited three friends over one night, within a half hour there were 30 kids there and a neighbor did call the police because of the music. My niece claimed that she never invited the rest of them; they just showed up....
Do you have kids, and if so, how did you handle letting them go? Was it ever an issue at all, on any level?
You work on it a lot sooner than when they are 18 for one. Has the kid ever done anything seriously wrong? Has he ever been allowed to do something on his own?
Says the person whose oldest is what, 5? Just wait a few years and you'll be thinking the same thing.
OP, two suggestions, actually one with different approaches.
1. He has a friend stay with him at your house.
2. He stays with a friend at their house.
My oldest is 23 and my youngest is 18 and I agree 100% with the sentiment that an 18 year old young man should be able to stay on his own for a weekend. My husband and I will be going away for a few days in July and our. youngest will stay at home by himself. He is 18 and recently graduated from high school.
Yowser. I wish sincerely, I could wind back the clock of time to when I left my 18 year old son alone in the house because I trusted him. I still trust him, but his friends got wind that he was in the house by himself and it nearly ended in tragedy.
I wish I had been home Thanksgiving weekend of 2011.
OP, **** can happen to your responsible son while you are away and it can ruin your life. Just so you know.
I was going to say something similar. It's not always your child you have to worry about.. sometimes friends come over and it get's out of hand.
My 30ish son informed me the other day that when we had gone on vacation when he was 18 that a few friends showed up and someone called the cops on them. Lord only knows what they were doing, but I didnt' find out about it until years later. None of the neighbors told me.
Seems like you wouldn't have this problem if, starting 5 or 6 years ago, you had forced him to keep you in the loop. I wouldn't worry about this weekend, but you could make a late stab at sitting him down and trying to explain some basics about courtesy and parental worry.
Actually, I think it is his responsibility to at least help in easing some of your anxiety, but, again, that goes way back.
At the end, say "If you have a party like this while we're gone, I will kill you."
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