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So I have noticed a theme that can be quite common. Parents are very harsh with the oldest but yet very babied with the youngest. I am 30 and have a younger sister that's 21. Growing up my parents were very strict and I had to buy everything I wanted except for birthdays and christmas and was put to work all the time. If I did anything wrong I would get very harsh punishment, like grounding for months at a time.
My sister on the other hand has always been treated with kid gloves. For example, whereas I never got an allowance she has had one and has never had to do the kind of work as I did. When she graduated HS and went off to college parents bought her a $2,000 laptop, and paid for her tuition, which she ended up wasting by dropping out and moving back home after one semester. Then she got arrested for a DUI last year and not only was she bailed out but they paid all of her fines and a lawyer. She has never held an actual job before. I have never been in legal trouble but I guarantee at her age I would not have been bailed out, let alone had my fines paid. Hell, I even remember my parents telling me if I ever got arrested don't bother calling them.
They don't push her to get a job let alone pay rent and now has a record.
As a result she is very immature and is very lazy. She also has a new tablet and smart phone. Yet this kind of thing seems to be fairly common, any parents here explain? And if you have younger and older kids would you say you were a lot easier on the younger ones?
If your characterization is true, then it sounds like you had ****ty parents. Not uncommon unfortunately and I'm sure their reasons for what they do vary tremendously from family to family.
Perhaps it had something to do with being female, maybe they were over compensating for being hard for you, maybe it's the lifestyle change that came with more money or better economics, etc..
In short, it's impossible to say, if you want to know you'd have to ask them. Unlikely you'll like the answer.
If your characterization is true, then it sounds like you had ****ty parents. Not uncommon unfortunately and I'm sure their reasons for what they do vary tremendously from family to family.
Perhaps it had something to do with being female, maybe they were over compensating for being hard for you, maybe it's the lifestyle change that came with more money or better economics, etc..
In short, it's impossible to say, if you want to know you'd have to ask them. Unlikely you'll like the answer.
Yeah, probably. I busted my butt working jobs as a teen and to pay for college and though I have a great job now I admit I kind of resent how my sister has been given pretty much anything/everything and even completely bailed out of her own awful mistakes.
Yeah, probably. I busted my butt working jobs as a teen and to pay for college and though I have a great job now I admit I kind of resent how my sister has been given pretty much anything/everything and even completely bailed out of her own awful mistakes.
So you resent that your parents raised you to be self-reliant and successful and raised your sister to be a spoiled failure? I'm sure it feels like she got the better deal, but looking from afar it seems you may have been raised better.
And honestly, the reasons why vary. A nine year difference is pretty big, your parents could have changed in that time. They could have gotten richer, or tired of the struggle with discipline, or maybe they just thought you could handle strict treatment better. It's also possible they just like your sister better.
My younger sister got more than I did, more clothes, a new bike instead of used etc. Our parents had two kids out of the house by then and more money when my sister was growing up, it was simple economics, not favoritism. With the older kids out on their own, they had more time to focus on her while I flew under their radar and had more freedom. There's always trade-offs.
It isn't that it's unfair, it's just a different point in time; parents are still growing and evolving just like their children. Give your parents some slack, parenting is on the job training with a steep learning curve. Only time will tell which side of the curve was the better one for you or your sister.
So you resent that your parents raised you to be self-reliant and successful and raised your sister to be a spoiled failure? I'm sure it feels like she got the better deal, but looking from afar it seems you may have been raised better.
And honestly, the reasons why vary. A nine year difference is pretty big, your parents could have changed in that time. They could have gotten richer, or tired of the struggle with discipline, or maybe they just thought you could handle strict treatment better. It's also possible they just like your sister better.
The first paragraph fits my thoughts exactly! You really came out of this ahead, so try to let go of your resentfulness. And not all parents are like this. My mother raised 5 of us (I'm in the middle) and her treatment of us did vary a little. We're 10 years from start to finish, so fairly close in age. The younger kids got to do things a little earlier and the older ones got more attention-- I think that is pretty typical. Once you get past the first and second child, you start to figure it out a bit more and let down your guard a bit. My husband's mother also raised 5 kids-- 20 years from start to finish. The first 4 were in the first 10 years (the first 3 were barely a year apart each, the 4th was 7 years later than the 3rd) and the fifth was 10 years after the 4th. That 5th kid got SO many privileges and favors. He got a convertible when he got his license, he got to do things, he had his parents sort of to himself by the time he was 8 (older brother had a baby and a wife by then and oldest were long gone). He got a ton of attention. As his mom often said, she knew he was her last and wanted to baby him and enjoy him, and the family was in better financial shape by that time. Some of the siblings were resentful of his special treatment. Parents had high hopes for sweet baby boy, but it's taken him quite a while to get where he needs to be in life (although he did finish high school, and only 2/5 did that).
I think the large age difference in your case does have something to do with the difference in treatment. Your parents were at a completely different place in their lives by the time they had your sister and there are many reasons they may have been more lenient. You obviously came out ahead, so count your blessings.
Yeah, the first kid gets all the micro management and parental anxiety about getting it right.
Later kids get less structure usually. By then parents start to lose this idea they can engineer the perfect kid. Plus more kids equal more work and the older one can sometimes end up getting assigned more responsibilities as parents look to spread around the workload.
My parents were like that. I never had enough clothes, shoes without holes, etc. When I went to college, I got a full scholarship but my parents never offered to pay for books or fees or even to help with transportation. I had a ton of chores to do around the house...cooking, cleaning, lawn care, everyone's laundry, packing lunches for my sisters, child care for my youngest sister.
My parents helped my middle sister with school expenses and always gave her rides to school. With the youngest, they paid for college, bought her a car, gave her another car when she forgot to put oil in the first one and killed the engine, and are still helping her with rent and car insurance.
My mom's only excuse is that life was harder with three kids at home, although I know she didn't buy me clothes or shoes because she didn't want me to fit in, and in middle school she only let me shower once every two weeks. So some of her behavior was just meanness. She told me I wasn't supposed to have a life outside the house or have friends that would take time away from chores, and I was supposed to live in her house forever and take care of my parents when they got old. Then she got mad when I was 18 and said she was kicking me out for having a boyfriend, and she was shocked when I left.
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She has never held an actual job before. I have never been in legal trouble but I guarantee at her age I would not have been bailed out, let alone had my fines paid. Hell, I even remember my parents telling me if I ever got arrested don't bother calling them. 
The first paragraph fits my thoughts exactly! You really came out of this ahead, so try to let go of your resentfulness. And not all parents are like this. My mother raised 5 of us (I'm in the middle) and her treatment of us did vary a little. We're 10 years from start to finish, so fairly close in age. The younger kids got to do things a little earlier and the older ones got more attention-- I think that is pretty typical. Once you get past the first and second child, you start to figure it out a bit more and let down your guard a bit. My husband's mother also raised 5 kids-- 20 years from start to finish. The first 4 were in the first 10 years (the first 3 were barely a year apart each, the 4th was 7 years later than the 3rd) and the fifth was 10 years after the 4th. That 5th kid got SO many privileges and favors. He got a convertible when he got his license, he got to do things, he had his parents sort of to himself by the time he was 8 (older brother had a baby and a wife by then and oldest were long gone). He got a ton of attention. As his mom often said, she knew he was her last and wanted to baby him and enjoy him, and the family was in better financial shape by that time. Some of the siblings were resentful of his special treatment. Parents had high hopes for sweet baby boy, but it's taken him quite a while to get where he needs to be in life (although he did finish high school, and only 2/5 did that). 
