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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 2 days ago)
35,596 posts, read 17,927,273 times
Reputation: 50623
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Quote:
Originally Posted by schoolbus123
We'll you aren't kidding about that. I Googled "city-data forum bullying", thinking that I would get some hits about bullying from this website. While I did get a couple, results from other sites were, shall we say, interesting.
But people don't realize is, victim-blaming is actually a form of bullying. What's even worse, is that this is a parenting forum. Meaning, that most of the respondents are probably parents. So where do you think their kids are getting it from?
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I haven't read through each person's comments, but I have tried the very best I can to help in this thread. I haven't seen much, if any, "victim blaming".
Trying to solve a victim's problems creatively isn't "blaming". Like at Christmas time, when all the news media come out with those suggestions to keep you from being a victim of theft during the holiday shopping time, and you know all the suggestions . . . park in a well-lighted space, walk with a companion if possible, keep your wits about you, don't linger, always lock your car, etc. No one screams "stop blaming the victim!!" when they're told things to do to keep from becoming one in that situation.
Why not in this? Why can't people suggest to you how to have your son not be the victim of further bullying?
It's. Not. About. The. Bus.
It's about his social awkwardness, and your very strained relationship with the queen bee of the, as you say, housefraus. I was very active socially in my kid's schools growing up, and I know the dynamics. And moms who are difficult to deal with don't get favors. And their kids aren't invited to a lot, because no one wants to deal with the mom. You've already made a huge stink to the administration about this bus, and you've burned through the patience they have with this situation and your child. Not because he's difficult, because they perceive you are.
The ball is in your court here. And I do wish your son well with his 5th grade year.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 2 days ago)
35,596 posts, read 17,927,273 times
Reputation: 50623
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
Tuition? For a public school? In the same district? Ridiculous.
It sounds like, from the original post, that she's in a unified school district. So each community pays taxes to their own school feeder pattern and the area has few enough students in that geographical area that the various schools fall under the same administration for the sake of convenience, but each household only pays taxes that go to their specific assigned school campus.
So if you live in an area with an ISD, you can do an indistrict transfer if there's room at the school, since your property has paid taxes that fund all the schools in your district.
Reading between the lines, I'm guessing that since she doesn't pay taxes in the area of the other middle school, she'd have to make up that amount in tuition fees. Just as in an ISD, if someone went to school there who resided outside the district, they'd have to pay to attend.
Someone gave me a reputation point that mentioned that I was being trolled. So now, knowing that, I want to clarify a few points. Because I think some of these things have gotten lost with me trying to respond to people who are attacking me.
Geographically, my area is very unique. We are at the end of a very narrow Peninsula, and it is very long. Our school district, is divided very unusually. The peninsula we live on, used to be mostly old summer homes. But, there was a little full time resident boom in maybe the 1980s and a number of different bigger homes were put up for full-time residents. At that time, some families moved in and it seems like they've all stayed here, so everyone in this neighborhood is mostly in their late 50s to 70s. So when we talk about people's kids, we're talking about kids who are either in or already graduated from college some time ago. Plus, there aren't many houses out here.
At one time, our little island Peninsula out here, used to go to a closer middle School that still exist. When the larger area on the mainland started to expand, they decided they needed another middle school to accommodate all the children. So they divided the district between the two middle schools, and for whatever reason, ours got sent to the newer but farther school. Supposedly it was a population-based decision, but I feel that it was probably because somebody out here on the peninsula had more cloud and wanted their kids to go to the newer school.
There are a few children out here, but a few of them go to a Waldorf school that's quite a distance away, and it costs a hideous amount of money; I would never send my son there. And then a couple other kids go to a local parochial school which is just not for us. I don't have a single thing against parochial school, I just would rather not send my son there if possible. Neither of those schools have transportation; it's a carpool or nothing.
At one point, I attempted to talk to Administration about sending my son to the other middle school that's closer. The superintendent told me that if I wanted my son to go to the other school, I would be forced to pay out-of-area tuition to go to that school, even though it's in the same district! I felt that that was very stupid especially given the circumstances, and I wasn't asking for any sort of special treatment. Plus, as a bonus, there would be more kids in a shorter distance, so my son's route could probably be joined to another bus route with more kids on it and eliminate the problem altogether. But again, Administration didn't seem to have any interest in solving anything because they don't think there's a problem.
Ok, but I guess what I (and possibly others) aren't understanding is why isn't the school simply explaining that the bus is not being used for special Ed and is simply being used bc it makes no sense to put wear and tear on a regular sized bus for one student?
As a lay person who is believing everything you say regarding the geography and lack of other students, it appears that the easiest solution is the truth so why aren't they doing this? Have they not offered this solution? Even if they sent a regular bus or even a car, the rumors would continue bc he's still the lone rider.
It seems like it'd take 10 minutes to explain to the classmates why geography makes it difficult to include him on regular routes. "Hey guys, I heard that some of you are confused about why some buses have more kids than others. Well, let's talk about how the district is split up. Etc"
They can also send a note home with parents and say that if the negativity doesn't stop then they will include him which means the other children will be picked up earlier.
The only thing I've said that falls along victim blaming is that you should have forced them to clarify it asap bc once something sticks to a kid, it sticks. If I peed my pants in first grade, I'm going to be hearing about it at hs graduation.
If they are aware he's being targeted bc of geography and they do nothing, it is disturbing but I don't think that special accommodations are the answer, I think being grown ups and explaining the truth is the way to go.
It sounds like, from the original post, that she's in a unified school district. So each community pays taxes to their own school feeder pattern and the area has few enough students in that geographical area that the various schools fall under the same administration for the sake of convenience, but each household only pays taxes that go to their specific assigned school campus.
So if you live in an area with an ISD, you can do an indistrict transfer if there's room at the school, since your property has paid taxes that fund all the schools in your district.
Reading between the lines, I'm guessing that since she doesn't pay taxes in the area of the other middle school, she'd have to make up that amount in tuition fees. Just as in an ISD, if someone went to school there who resided outside the district, they'd have to pay to attend.
This is the situation. It is a union district and the closer school is not his. It would have been before the new middle school was built, but now it's not. I didn't realize that's how complicated the tuition is, but the district superintendent said it was out of district tuition, or he had to go to his assigned school. Pay tuition, I would just send him to a private school, but the closest private school is parochial, and that's not really what I'm looking for. There's also that Waldorf School but it's a lot farther and it cost something horrible like $35,000 a year. And neither of those would solve any transportation issues.
I suppose that if I really run out of options, I'm going to have no other choice but to hire a full-tim sitter/nanny and have her transport my son morning and afternoon. But that's going to be very expensive. I suppose we deserve it somehow. Anyway as one person in this thread said, it's just a matter of time before my current nanny and my son start having sex. So I don't know how to get around that by hiring another nanny who might do the same thing.
At what age, do some of you think that it's okay to have a son home alone after school, for a few hours? Please keep in mind, we live surrounded by water, we have two boats and waterfront property, and there are a lot of things that could go wrong. Our son shows no signs of a responsibility, however as kids get older they start to test the waters (no pun intended).
Of course, being home alone hinges on solving the transportation problem. Uber won't take him as a minor... Maybe I can hire one of the drivers on the side for a regular daily run ( then what if they can't make it?).
I would LOVE to tell the district to take their short bus and shove it (not exactly those words). Especially if that witch of an aide is volunteering on that day.
This is the situation. It is a union district and the closer school is not his. It would have been before the new middle school was built, but now it's not. I didn't realize that's how complicated the tuition is, but the district superintendent said it was out of district tuition, or he had to go to his assigned school. Pay tuition, I would just send him to a private school, but the closest private school is parochial, and that's not really what I'm looking for. There's also that Waldorf School but it's a lot farther and it cost something horrible like $35,000 a year. And neither of those would solve any transportation issues.
I suppose that if I really run out of options, I'm going to have no other choice but to hire a full-tim sitter/nanny and have her transport my son morning and afternoon. But that's going to be very expensive. I suppose we deserve it somehow. Anyway as one person in this thread said, it's just a matter of time before my current nanny and my son start having sex. So I don't know how to get around that by hiring another nanny who might do the same thing.
At what age, do some of you think that it's okay to have a son home alone after school, for a few hours? Please keep in mind, we live surrounded by water, we have two boats and waterfront property, and there are a lot of things that could go wrong. Our son shows no signs of a responsibility, however as kids get older they start to test the waters (no pun intended).
Of course, being home alone hinges on solving the transportation problem. Uber won't take him as a minor... Maybe I can hire one of the drivers on the side for a regular daily run ( then what if they can't make it?).
I would LOVE to tell the district to take their short bus and shove it (not exactly those words). Especially if that witch of an aide is volunteering on that day.
You could just make friends with some of the parents and find someone that would help transport him along with their own child. We all shared carpool line when mine were in school.
What is "school supply pick up?" I've never heard of that.
It's not something every school or district has. Here though, our PTA puts together the whole box of school supplies and there is a day for the kids to go and pick up their box and bring it to their classroom. We don't sort the supplies though, they order these already boxed. It is only for elementary school here so through 4th or 5th grades. Parents buy the box and then don't have to shop for school supplies at all unless they want something special.
We're trying to work something out. We both work, unlike most of the Real Housewives around this area. We have a nanny for him, but she only works part time in the afternoon. We'd have her drive him in the morning, but she lost her license. So she takes Uber up here in the afternoon then waits for him to get off the bus. Once she gets her license back, we might ask if she can help, but I'm having second thoughts because of her 2 DUIs. (She's a family friend.)
Wow....You should get a different daycare situation. You could drop your child in the am either at the school, or at a daycare that provides transportation to and from school. Or, hire a nanny that is more responsible....2 DUI's...she should be gone imo.
I feel badly for your child. But consistently blaming the other Mom's and saying some of the things in your posts on here make you seem like someone who wouldn't be easy to befriend. And, working mom's without reliable daycare need to be able to count on other parents at times. Is there no car pooling?
It may be your attitude that has your child being singled out, not that anything is a reason for bullying.
I hope that you can get the bullying stopped and your child a safe dependable ride to and from school.
I'd be taking some time off and taking care of this situation if it were me.
OP you explained a lot of the situation. But you still haven't explained why the mom that was rude to you about the bus and the sped. If she is the problem, or one of the problems, I would certainly explain the situation to her.
PS: I'm not sure if it is just our state or all states, but in our state districts do not have to provide transportation. In one of the area districts, some kids have over a 10 mile commute. Parents are responsible to get them to school.
OP: I am very sorry to hear about how your son is being treated. And I am very sorry to see how others in this thread are treating you. I have found that city-data posters can be brutal with anybody that they disagree with, and that it's not a place to get useful sympathy and support.
Unfortunately, I don't have any real advice, but but just wante you to know that I can relate to your son's situation, since I was in a somewhat similar situation. I was constantly bullied, mostly in elementary school and middle school (it gets better in high school). Unfortunately, there was an error on my medical record claiming that I had a medical problem which I did not have. Many teachers and students found out about that, and spread rumors to other teachers, other students, and parents. Unfortunately, there was nothing that I could do about it. My parents were unwilling to help me at all, and it was not a battle that somebody my age was equipped to handle. Especially when teachers and administrators would threaten me with an insubordination charge if I questioned them, and would threaten to kick me out of honors classes.
The victim blaming on city-data is ridiculous. If you look at my posting history, you can see that on the Education forum, I have often posted about my bullying experiences. You will also see that in many cases, the other posters just blamed me.
Despite what people may think, bullying does not "build character", nor doe it "toughen people up". All it does is isolate people from their peers, and delay the development of social skills. The kids end up less tough than they would have otherwise.
Also, by putting your kid on a bus by himself and not making any attempt to put him on a regular bus route, they are isolating him from his peers and delaying social development. Perhaps that is the argument that you can make to your school district. Your son is lucky that you are at least making an attempt to help him, unlike my parents.
Even though I was always on a regular bus, I myself was put in a situation where I was isolated. In kindergarten, we were allowed to sit 2 in a seat on the bus, but not 3 in a seat. I was the 2nd person in the seat, and then a 3rd person sat down. But the bus driver decided that both myself and the 3rd kid broke the rules, and reported us to the principal. What was I supposed to do???? The principal was very mean, strict, and old school, and decided that for the rest of the year, me and the 3rd kid to sit in that seat had to sit alone, in opposite front seats of the bus! When I tried to explain that I did nothing wrong, he accused me of talking back, and threatened to kick me off the bus completely for the rest of the year if I opened my mouth again! I was academically ahead of my peers, but perhaps socially behind my peers. I needed the social interaction on the bus. I did not need to be isolated from my peers, I needed more interaction with them, not less. Also, sitting alone in the front seat caused me to be stigmatized and caused others to want to avoid me. Again, there was nothing I could do, since my parents were unwilling to help, and the principal made it clear that the only alternative was to be kicked off the bus completely.
Again, sorry I don't have any real advice. But I do hope that things get better for you and for your son.
By the way, not in all cases, but in many cases, victims do deserve some measure of blame. Sometimes all the blame. If poor character or poor judgment puts you in a situation where you are likely to be a victim, then you are in fact partially to blame. That's reality.
Victims are not necessarily innocent. Some victims are, many are not.
OP, you're lucky that you got bus service, when we lived in California, no school buses and I had to drive all 3 kids every day, it was great when they were at 3 different schools. I worked in between from home and also had a night job.
About the school bus, you already said the kids aren't teasing him for being in special ed, they know he's not for real. So I really don't think you should even worry about the bus issue. The kids who are teasing him won't stop because his ride changes. I think they'll stop when he quits acting like a victim or is busy with other friends or has his growth spurt and towers over them. The more you fight this, the more it's a thing he has to deal with. Just let it go.
You have to take a little responsibility here, you chose the beautiful home on the water, not one close to the schools. And I just get the feeling you are babying him, is he your only child? Like when you said something about being worried he might play by the water or dock. Well, I would hope so! At 11, I'd think he'd be very familiar and used to the boats, water, fishing, swimming.
If I were you, I'd be concentrating on building his character, assertiveness and toughness. Making sure he is comfortable reaching out and making friends. Getting him more involved in church, sports, scouts, boating or other activities where he'd have time to make real friends. And I'd be really positive about this coming year and ignore the whole bus complaint, it is what it is.
If they tease him again, have him invite a couple of kids over to the house for some boating adventure, then he might turn into the cool kid.
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