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I was advised (by the police) not to do that until after the appointment with an attorney. If she isn't back before Saturday, and we haven't heard from her, I do plan on driving there with the children's father. It's 5 hours each way, and if she asked me to I would leave right now, but otherwise I will have to wait for the weekend. I work full time and don't want to take too much time off unless I KNOW I can pick them up. She is in such a delusional state right now and I fear what she has told those boys about their father.
I really feel for you. I'd be in jail, more than likely.
I really feel for you. I'd be in jail, more than likely.
Trust me, if I didn't have a 14 year old at home I more than likely would be! We haven't said anything to the 14 year old yet, she is so overly sensitive and has enough teenage stuff to deal with without worrying about her sister.
We were supposed to be taking the boys to a zoo 2 hours from here this weekend, complete with a hotel stay for swimming and fun. So, if things are not resolved by then we will have to tell her. Ugh, it really sucks feeling so helpless! If my 28 year old daughter wants to ruin her life there is not much I can do to stop her, but I'll be damned if she's taking 2 innocent little ones with her!
Trust me, if I didn't have a 14 year old at home I more than likely would be! We haven't said anything to the 14 year old yet, she is so overly sensitive and has enough teenage stuff to deal with without worrying about her sister.
We were supposed to be taking the boys to a zoo 2 hours from here this weekend, complete with a hotel stay for swimming and fun. So, if things are not resolved by then we will have to tell her. Ugh, it really sucks feeling so helpless! If my 28 year old daughter wants to ruin her life there is not much I can do to stop her, but I'll be damned if she's taking 2 innocent little ones with her!
This goes a little beyond just different parenting choices. I'm going to share here because I'm at my wit's end and will take any and all advice.
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The bi-polar and getting it under control is the problem. If you have contact with the father of your grandkids, encourage him to get custody and do all you can to help him with that. A person who is bi-polar and is not under doctors care isn't capable of making rational decisions. If he has the means and the time see if a trip up to where she is is in order and see if she'll let him take the kids back home. At least meet the guy and see what's going on. As a father he's concerned for his children.
Are you still in contact with her? I'd be texting her asking where she'll be on Friday so I can pick up the boys for the zoo weekend.
You need to walk that fine line, push too hard and she'll cut you off. Stay loosely connected and you're not so threatening to her, and maybe she'll be open to conversation or advice eventually. You don't want to lose those boys.
She hasn't answered anyone's texts, calls or emails since she left on Thursday. I haven't tried since Sunday eve and probably won't until we hear what the attorney says tomorrow. She deactivated her FB when she left as well and she had been an avid poster up until then. This has put our family, as well as the children's fathers family, into total chaos & turmoil. The other grandmother is retired so all she's been doing is sitting around crying and looking at pictures of them. I still have to work and have a 14 year old at home, so I need to hold it together the best I can. I also have a 25 year old who thinks her sister is being a total fool, she has also tried to reach out to no avail.
God it's so much harder than when they were little, I'd give anything for the terrible twos or even angsty teens! It's so difficult to watch them make so many bad choices and your hands are tied. I'm not going into specifics, but just having a really rough time right now with my oldest (she's 28). Even tougher when there are grandchildren involved and are just innocent little people being swept up in their parent's craziness. I know she's an adult and I need to let go, and I have, but I hate sitting back and watch her make decisions that negatively impact her children. Ugh! Just venting and hoping for some commiseration from others who have BTDT.
go ahead and vent: we all have to from time to time and I know it is hard to your mouth shut, but that is something else you have to do. Unless the kids are in physical danger, you have no choice but watch and pray things will be ok. At the same time give your grand kids all the love you have to give.
She hasn't answered anyone's texts, calls or emails since she left on Thursday. I haven't tried since Sunday eve and probably won't until we hear what the attorney says tomorrow. She deactivated her FB when she left as well and she had been an avid poster up until then. This has put our family, as well as the children's fathers family, into total chaos & turmoil. The other grandmother is retired so all she's been doing is sitting around crying and looking at pictures of them. I still have to work and have a 14 year old at home, so I need to hold it together the best I can. I also have a 25 year old who thinks her sister is being a total fool, she has also tried to reach out to no avail.
Just keep in mind that you have only heard one side of the story.
My son in law used to call me and tell me these horrible things my daughter was doing. He would cry and go on for hours. She is very private and not the type to ever call or text me or her sister, so we went by what her husband said. When I finally did see her (cross country), found out that much of what he said wasn't true, he'd exaggerate and conveniently leave out things he did that were wrong that created these volatile situations. The next times he'd call, he would repeat things from years prior, saying it just happened. We suspect he has paranoia issues and she is defiant and won't admit that she did the things he falsely accuses her of and it blows up.
They have called the police on each other many times over the years, I'm surprised the kids haven't been taken away, but 99% of the time they are a loving family, both working, good parents. It's that 1% of the time where they can't control their anger and I hate it.
So, what your daughter's boyfriend may be saying may not be 100% true, he may be covering up something he did to drive her away. I would still just text her and tell her you love her and the boys. Hoping everything turns out fine!
Scary sounding situation, my first thought is the 64 y/o is after the kids and targeted your daughter who prob made it obvious in their online interaction, that she'd be easily manipulated.
However could also be that the 64 y/o is a kind old fella who was thrilled (albeit foolishly) to get attention form a young woman and is kissing her feet/showering with presents/ being really nice to and spoiling the kids.
If she told the old guy her BF was abusive maybe he thinks he is really helping a desperate mother and helpless children flee an abuser.
Either way I doubt their relationship is healthy.
Is it possible her BF was in fact abusive and she told no one? That happens very often, the abused party keeps it hidden.
OP. Could you perhaps use the daughter's mental illness diagnosis to intervene via child welfare agency? You may have to make an exaggerated report but it may be the only way to get the kids checked on/out.
Well we still haven't heard a word from her. The kids dad met with attorney yesterday to get the ball rolling to get the kids back, but that takes time. We are, at the attorney's advice going to drive out there on Saturday in hopes of at least seeing them. It is a 5 hour drive each way so I hope it's not in vain. I can't sleep, all I've done for the past week is worry. I have no idea what she has told them or if they think they are never going to see any ours again and that just breaks my heart.
I have toyed with the notion of calling social services. It is a tiny apartment and this 64 year old guy, his 27 year old son already live there, now my daughter and 2 children are there too. I found the son's FB page and he is a weird dude too, his profile pic is of him holding a sword. From photos it's obvious he collects knives and swords and is an avid pot smoker. NOTHING about the whole situation is a stable environment for them. However if they are called, I'm sure she will suspect me and will react even worse, or take off again. At least now we know where they are.
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