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OP, I don't dismiss your pain and anger. But what would have happened to you and your mother if she came out as black with you? Maybe...maybe it was safer for you just to live with your grandmother? You say you were well loved. Were you taken care of? Or in poverty?
This just isn't an easy topic for modern Americans to begin to understand.
Are you kidding me? America was just as bad in many parts for black people...if not, worse.
This argument would hold water if the parents stopped having kids. But no...they chose to continue to have more kids knowing there was a chance a brown baby could be had and enjoyed a lily white family at OP's expense.
My heart breaks for OP. I'm so sorry you went through that, but thank goodness for your grandmother. I wouldn't like those poor excuses of parents near my babies.
I don't know about the love of grandparent fixes racism. Sad story from my home town back when my children were in high school. Mother of 4 mixed racial children died and her parents would not come to see her children. The children were taken in by neighbors and raised - 2 in one family and 2 in another family. Her parents so disapproved of the biracial children that they did not even come to her funeral.
OP, I don't dismiss your pain and anger. But what would have happened to you and your mother if she came out as black with you? Maybe...maybe it was safer for you just to live with your grandmother? You say you were well loved. Were you taken care of? Or in poverty?
This just isn't an easy topic for modern Americans to begin to understand.
His grandmother who raised him was white. He lived with a white woman, just not with the white people who gave birth to him. So clearly it was not actually about safety.
Are you kidding me? America was just as bad in many parts for black people...if not, worse.
This argument would hold water if the parents stopped having kids. But no...they chose to continue to have more kids knowing there was a chance a brown baby could be had and enjoyed a lily white family at OP's expense.
My heart breaks for OP. I'm so sorry you went through that, but thank goodness for your grandmother. I wouldn't like those poor excuses of parents near my babies.
Our racism, slavery and even our current racism isn't the same as South Africa. I think to say it is shows a very narrow world view.
I am so sorry to hear that this shocking abandonment was done to you. It is beyond my understanding that anyone would give up their own child on such trivial grounds, simply in order to further a lie they were telling the world.
Responding to what your father said, no child deserves parents like him and your birth mother, and no child deserves grandparents like these deceitful, ignorant, self-serving cowards. You are being a good protective father in denying them access to your children. They are not your true parents, your grandma was, and for your children's sakes, I hope your resolve never falters and you never, ever allow them to come anywhere near your precious triplets. And you can tell them I said so.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rmm0484
I am so sorry that you had to go through this, but I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive them, for your sake and your children's sake, since they should at least see their grandparents at least once. If they are old enough, they should be told the truth, but in the context of the times. I am sure that your late grandmother would want some sort of reconciliation- your mother was her daughter, after all, so some good must have been passed down from her.
Just hold your head up high, have a short visit with the folks and grands, and be gracious. If you can't, I understand this as well....
You really should, at the least, read all of the OP's posts in this thread.
Love your sweet babies. They do not need these people. If, when they become adults, they choose to seek them out, that is their choice. In the meantime, protect them.
I hope you have a happy life with your children...you deserve it.
OP, I don't dismiss your pain and anger. But what would have happened to you and your mother if she came out as black with you? Maybe...maybe it was safer for you just to live with your grandmother? You say you were well loved. Were you taken care of? Or in poverty?
.
It appears the OP's parents would have lost out on an inheritance from bio-Dad. In fact, they were told either OP gets given away or no money.
If your brothers both look white have you ever considered that maybe your father is not really your father? Could explain why they were eager to get rid of you. Either way though if they did not act like parents there is no reason they should be treated as such.
Well; to the OP: I feel bad because I should have something to say. Something wise & helpful but I just don't have any advice yet. This is a hard one for me; not because I've never experienced anything like it but precisely because I have experienced something similar & I know how complicated it can be.
I was the same age as your kids are now; age 10, when I met my grandparents for the very first time. And my mom, also, had been estranged from her parents due to racial prejudice.
Unlike your situation, her parents did raise her. She was first generation American born Greek & didn't speak English when she started the 1st grade in a Denver public school. The 2nd largest Greek community in the US is in Denver (Chicago is the largest) & children were raised "within" the community with the only contact with American culture taking place at school. Just like in the old country, traditions were upheld; one of them being that of daughters being "arranged" into a marriage by their parents.
My mom was basically the first in the community to buck the system. She fell in love & got engaged to my dad; an Irish Catholic kid she met in college. Her father, an elder in the Orthodox church made himself very clear: "If you get married; you are no longer my daughter".
I have pictures on my profile here that I posted after my mom died in March. One where her & my dad are walking back up the aisle after their wedding, where you can clearly see that one side of the church was empty. Nobody showed up for my mom. Not one sibling, aunt, cousin or even friend ever arrived.
Also unlike your situation; there were no obligatory visits. If she called them; they hung up. Christmas cards were "return to sender". When I was born, mom sent the newspaper clipping & a handmade birth announcement along with my baby picture. That was also returned, unopened.
Not once, do I recall my mom speaking poorly about her parents., except to say that they had only done what had always been done & it was motivated by something called "prejudice".. that message remained clear; there was nothing "wrong" with me. There was something very wrong, about prejudice.
My grandmother was actually the one to end this, when she stood up to my grandpa & said "She IS my daughter & I WILL be her mother." And my sister & I were informed that we would be spending Christmas day at our grandparents house.
I could write about this for hours (don't worry, I won't!); about what all has happened since my "Welcome to being Greek!" day & life after that. In a big way, although there are differences, my perspective is more relevant to the perspective of your children than it is with yours.
I guess no matter what you decide, know that it is YOU they will look to for direction. If I would have seen my mom being afraid? I would have been afraid. If she were angry or hatefull? I would have been too. If she would have been concerned that I was too light & too tall to "look Greek"; I would have been insecure about my appearance.
Instead; I knew that no matter what happened; it wasn't because something was wrong with me. And it wasn't all "happy ever after" along the way. There were a few events that had the potential to be traumatic; such as the night before my uncle; the only son, got married & also did not choose a Greek spouse. (honestly; I thought the world was coming to an end & spent the night hiding under my blankets).
It never crossed my mind that there was anything wrong with me, though: Mom said so. Mom was right; it was obvious that the problem was something called Prejudice.
I'm sorry I don't have any wise advice yet, OP. I wish my mom were still here & I could ask her how she made her decision!
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