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^^And I've raised two, one has a doctorate, one a master's, both get along. Most kids turn out well, regardless of whether their parents raised them exactly like I did mine.
Raised 4, still raising 2. So far all but 1 are doing pretty good. The 1 sounded much like the above, except we stopped bailing him out long before. Thankfully he didn't get a girl pregnant (that we know of).
The one thing I may do differently is allow the gf and kids to stay at the house. Those are your grandkids. But very strict rules would be put in place. She would be expected to help out, get a job, and pay for day care.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisCD
Raised 4, still raising 2. So far all but 1 are doing pretty good. The 1 sounded much like the above, except we stopped bailing him out long before. Thankfully he didn't get a girl pregnant (that we know of).
The one thing I may do differently is allow the gf and kids to stay at the house. Those are your grandkids. But very strict rules would be put in place. She would be expected to help out, get a job, and pay for day care.
cd :O)
Yes. That. I agree with you.
She did try to get a job, apparently, but due to the scarcity wasn't able to quickly.
And the young man should get a job. Actually, if HE got a good job, she could be a mom to the grandkids which would be in my opinion the best situation.
Once your son left home, made some kids, you responsibility as a mommy ended.
Throwing out his lady and kids was wrong. Enabling the behaviour is wrong.
One should not live in the same home as in laws/ parents , ever.
Somethings parents miss, when raising a child, is giving life lessons and rules. Showing the child how to keep a job, save money, use credit, standing on their own 2 feet, building a security blanket for rainy days, etc. The male should be living closer to the wifes family, not the other way around.
And opening your doors to a son in need was noble, most parents will help out in a bind, but setting rules is not right. How can you give another adult conditions? What should have been done is charge rent, and section off part of the home for them. They live this side, we live our side.
When the s hit the fan, you should have sent all of them packing, not just the girl and kids. That is his family now. If he did not know what to go or not, dad should have told him to man up and leave with the wife and kids.
Parents should not be OK with an adult son abandoning his family.
As for the 15 years old fighting, no 22 years old needs to be fighting with kids.again, parents need to squash it immediatly.
So, 22 years old dad needs to learn a hard lesson, to stand on his own, even if it means bussing or biking to work, and living poor.
He is not your baby anymore, and you hold no responsibility how his life turns out.
You should reach out to the lady, and offer an apology. After all, you are the grand ma, and i assume you would like to see the kids again. You should be the older, wiser one. This is not a tit for tat game, this is real life.
You could not handle the dynamics, but many fall in the same trap.
So, no more holding onto mommies skirt, no more emotional decisions.
You can recommend that they get couples counseling, so they can learn how to function properly.
You do have another son at home, show him the right way, when it comes to relationships. Do it know while he is still a kid, cause you cant say jack once he is a man.
Being a parent is a teaching/learning experience for the child. It is NOT so they can become your "best friend". I want to puke when I read that. Don't fall for it, OP.
Yes, You did the right thing. You raised a good child who wanted to take on the world. How's that going so far, junior?
One of my child was the "wild child". I figured by 20 she would be dead, or would have killed someone and be in jail.
You definitely did the right thing. You gave him chances over and over, and he never took responsibility. He didnt have to, you were there to pick up the pieces. Well, now its time to figure out how to support himself and his kids. If he's man enough to make babies, he's man enough to figure out how to support them.
Sometimes you just need to throw them in the deep end, its all they will understand.
Sounds to me like standards weren't set and enforced. You've accepted bad behavior and disrespect for years. This is your fault.
With that said, you don't need to live with it. He is an adult. He has a family. He needs to step up his game on his dime. If you feel the need to allow him to live in your home then set strict rules:
1. Look for a job every day. Require proof to gain admission to the home.
2. Assign chores to earn his keep. (wash car, shine shoes, mow grass, dishes)
3. Set a time limit for his departure.
It sounds like he needs the military, to straighten up. Nothing else will work. Whether the military needs him is another question.
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