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So my daughter lives with her mom and her mom's fiance. She is generally a good kid and usually have very little issues with her. But her mom deals with some rough stuff since she is around her more often.
Often, when she does something very bad like tantrum with kicking or hitting involved, he mom tells me that I have to ground her for a full day. I only get weekends with her so that is our time. I don't feel like grounding her the next day is efficient.
I have tickets to an event tomorrow with her and she offered to pay back the money but I think this form of punishment isnt going to make anything better. What can I say or do to stop her from these types of punishments that extend to a weekend when I believe the best way to handle is to punish same day. She's 6, not 16.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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I agree with you. This almost seems like your ex is sticking her thumb in your eye here.
I agree that both parents need to abide by the same rules - no kicking or hitting - but to ground her on your day for a tantrum she had with mom doesn't seem fair.
Is she in behavioral therapy? Kicking and hitting is kind of extreme for a 6 year old and probably should be addressed in ways besides grounding.
She has not but its been breached before due to the circumstances of us parting along with a ton of change very quickly. Her Mom tends to be a bit more authoritarian and also involves her in a lot of activities which I think causes it sometimes. It's happened more than once that she cant control her anger but it seems to only happen when she is with her Mom. Of course she has her more
In my opinion correction should be immediate not at some random time in the future. And I think grounding for a day is absurd for a six year old. At six the focus should be on teaching them appropriate reactions to disappointment or anger (removing from the situation etc) not on "punishing" per se.
Grounding a 6 year old for any length of time isn't helpful punishment. And your time should be protected because it is limited. That isn't to say you two shouldn't get on the same page about rules and discipline. But right now it sounds like she is just bossing you around...and not parenting effectively.
Some parents have got to a co-parent coach when not together. Or you could just nod your head and then ignore her.
In my opinion correction should be immediate not at some random time in the future. And I think grounding for a day is absurd for a six year old. At six the focus should be on teaching them appropriate reactions to disappointment or anger (removing from the situation etc) not on "punishing" per se.
I very much agree. This age is about teaching coping skills, encouraging desired behavior and discouraging undesired behaviors...not through grounding them but immediate feedback. At 6 they wont remember 6 minutes from the initial incident so they will feel unfairly targeted and helpless.
I agree. She would be far removed from the incident. I think that would only cause her to be more resentful towards her mom. I have no problem with punishment and handle all issues during the days I have her. The problem is she accuses me of not coparenting because im not willing to follow through with her punishments. I feel like that isnt coparenting because I'm not being consulted with, Im be guilted into punishing her even though I feel there are better ways to go about it.
So my daughter lives with her mom and her mom's fiance. She is generally a good kid and usually have very little issues with her. But her mom deals with some rough stuff since she is around her more often.
Often, when she does something very bad like tantrum with kicking or hitting involved, he mom tells me that I have to ground her for a full day. I only get weekends with her so that is our time. I don't feel like grounding her the next day is efficient.
I have tickets to an event tomorrow with her and she offered to pay back the money but I think this form of punishment isnt going to make anything better. What can I say or do to stop her from these types of punishments that extend to a weekend when I believe the best way to handle is to punish same day. She's 6, not 16.
I would never "ground" a six year old child and I think you will more likely build resentment than cooperation by dragging punishment out for days. Perhaps start with the principal that each day is a new day, and whatever happened yesterday is finished and done with. This idea falls under the umbrella of "never go to sleep mad". Get it over with, and go forward.
There is nothing wrong with you establishing your own parenting rules. Your daughter will respond to her environment, so make yours a healthy one. Enjoy your time with her. She can suffer whatever consequences the other parents wants to impose with that parent - no need for you to impose punishment for something that you did not witness and of which you know nothing.
My first question is: why is a six year old having tantrums? That's something that is seen at the age of two, and the child is supposed to quickly learn that nothing is accomplished by tantrum.
I think you need to deal with the tantrum by fully ignoring the behavior. With the kicking and hitting, I would suggest restraint in the form of standing behind her and putting your arms around her so her arms are flattened by her side. Hold her like that until she stops. She needs help to calm down. Speak slowly and quietly to her. She will stop making noise to hear what you are saying. Let her know that when she stops hurting you, you will let her go. You have to do this consistently, as children need stable, calm, structured, consistent messaging.
So my daughter lives with her mom and her mom's fiance. She is generally a good kid and usually have very little issues with her. But her mom deals with some rough stuff since she is around her more often.
Often, when she does something very bad like tantrum with kicking or hitting involved, he mom tells me that I have to ground her for a full day. I only get weekends with her so that is our time. I don't feel like grounding her the next day is efficient.
I have tickets to an event tomorrow with her and she offered to pay back the money but I think this form of punishment isnt going to make anything better. What can I say or do to stop her from these types of punishments that extend to a weekend when I believe the best way to handle is to punish same day. She's 6, not 16.
I would think you can do what ever you want during the time she's in your care. Why do you have to extend the punishment set by her mother? I get it would send mixed signals to the child, but she needs to deal with issues as they arise. I also don't believe in extending a punishment in the way of grounding for a 6 yr old. They are still pretty young at that age and tantrums are still typical and need to be dealt with in other ways such as time outs and such. I suggest talking with the mother in regards to this. If she doesn't like it I really can't see how she can force you to do what she wants when your daughter is in your custody?
I think you should consult with a behavioral counselor. This is a difficult situation for a 6yr old, going back and forth. This would take the conflict away from her parents and let the counselor be the "bad guy" for deciding what the consequences for whatever behavior will be. You'll all be on the same page. Peace, harmony.... consistency.
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