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And there's no need to turn it into a big political thing that is silly anyway. A good bra doesn't cause more sensory issues than other clothing. As another poster said, we don't let boys or girls go without underpants. And with PE class, isn't a bra for girls kind of serving the same purpose as a cup for boys? Why act like it's totally different?
A bra can add to sensory overwhelm. I would and have let my kids go without underpants. Who would know? And what gym teacher makes middle school boys wear a cup in regular PE? Since a cup protects reproductive organs and a bra just minimizes jiggling, they're not the same at all.
This post is making me wonder if my daughter will want a bra when she has to change for PE. Not because she needs the support, but just because she has to change her shirt in the locker room. She may want plainer unders too, if people are going to see them (she still wears unders with cartoon characters on them!). She doesn't have PE until 2nd semester, so we have a few months yet, but it will be her first time having to change clothes for PE class.
This post is making me wonder if my daughter will want a bra when she has to change for PE. Not because she needs the support, but just because she has to change her shirt in the locker room. She may want plainer unders too, if people are going to see them (she still wears unders with cartoon characters on them!). She doesn't have PE until 2nd semester, so we have a few months yet, but it will be her first time having to change clothes for PE class.
Interesting you brought up the character underpants! My daughter will also have to change for PE this year (also not till 2nd semester) and she has already asked me to buy her plain white underwear! She doesn't even want colored ones! She's very nervous about changing in front of others, but I told her that since she does wear a bralette, it will be just like having a swimsuit on, no big deal!
I have seen young girls that have needed them! I realize that some mothers don't want to face that their little girls are growing up but if your little girl (no matter how young) has "party hats" showing through their shirts they need something! It's awkward and do you really want the opposite sex seeing that?! Mothers need to be in tune to that, especially in this day and age of so much sexuality and perversions. I raised two daughters and it wasn't about what age they were more about when they started to show. Different ages for both as one was slimmer than the other.
I'm going to refrain from saying more b/c I do not have kids & the OP specifically asked for people to respond who did. [quote]
Thanks. I didn't want this to become a huge debate. Its something parents deal with and I think parenting a girl in puberty really is the only way to know how you would deal with the topic. Before this, I would have just planned on letting my daughter take the lead 100%. Until I realized how much you can see during development through a light weight shirt.
Why would a preteen not wearing a bra be excluded from a birthday party? That makes no sense.
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I highly doubt any of them have said anything to her.
It was being held at a private club. Her friend's mother thinks a great deal of herself and her family. We'd never met before beyond quick introductions.
The kids, however, had a few outside of school activities they'd been in together for a long time. He's maturing into a nice young man.
My daughter truly wants to stay a child. She doesn't want to grow up. She'd love nothing more than to wear those awful jean leggings, sandals and a t-shirt.
At any rate, her friend's mother comes over to me....with a sense of....I'm inviting your daughter but don't want to. She proceeds to tell me that my daughter is invited to her friend's party, but it will be held <xyz>. <Artillery>, ladies are expected to dress like ladies. You need to find a friend to...help her and learn how to dress appropriately, or she is not to attend. (hand gesture towards her top).
So, I'll grant that there's probably other clothing items in the decision, but there was definitely a reference to her top.
Of course I want to soften the message to my daughter, but she simply rejected the invite, saying they'd play together at a not boring event.
She's getting excluded, certainly not from everything. I don't know to what degree. But she's under this auspice that people will all take the time to get to know the real her and then judge. People don't do that.
That doesn't sound like a friend I'd want my kid to have in the first place. I think that mom did you and your daughter a favor, to be honest.
My daughter wears a tshirt and leggings most days of the year. I wear a tshirt and capris most days of the year. If someone wants to exclude me from their country club party based on that, I'm perfectly fine with that.
It was being held at a private club. Her friend's mother thinks a great deal of herself and her family. We'd never met before beyond quick introductions.
The kids, however, had a few outside of school activities they'd been in together for a long time. He's maturing into a nice young man.
My daughter truly wants to stay a child. She doesn't want to grow up. She'd love nothing more than to wear those awful jean leggings, sandals and a t-shirt.
At any rate, her friend's mother comes over to me....with a sense of....I'm inviting your daughter but don't want to. She proceeds to tell me that my daughter is invited to her friend's party, but it will be held <xyz>. <Artillery>, ladies are expected to dress like ladies. You need to find a friend to...help her and learn how to dress appropriately, or she is not to attend. (hand gesture towards her top).
So, I'll grant that there's probably other clothing items in the decision, but there was definitely a reference to her top.
Of course I want to soften the message to my daughter, but she simply rejected the invite, saying they'd play together at a not boring event.
She's getting excluded, certainly not from everything. I don't know to what degree. But she's under this auspice that people will all take the time to get to know the real her and then judge. People don't do that.
Well, I think she's better off not being friends with that girl if you have to deal with a parent like that! I would have told her where to go, but that's just me.
In regards to your daughter not wearing a bra (but needs one)....unfortunately this is not the 70's where it was acceptable not to wear one. Now a days it's really not acceptable if you don't wear one and her school might even send her home if boys are gawking. I would explain to your wife that this could become a problem and have her enforce it with your daughter. There are other options such as a cami or a sports bra that might work better for her.
It was being held at a private club. Her friend's mother thinks a great deal of herself and her family. We'd never met before beyond quick introductions.
The kids, however, had a few outside of school activities they'd been in together for a long time. He's maturing into a nice young man.
My daughter truly wants to stay a child. She doesn't want to grow up. She'd love nothing more than to wear those awful jean leggings, sandals and a t-shirt.
At any rate, her friend's mother comes over to me....with a sense of....I'm inviting your daughter but don't want to. She proceeds to tell me that my daughter is invited to her friend's party, but it will be held <xyz>. <Artillery>, ladies are expected to dress like ladies. You need to find a friend to...help her and learn how to dress appropriately, or she is not to attend. (hand gesture towards her top).
So, I'll grant that there's probably other clothing items in the decision, but there was definitely a reference to her top.
Of course I want to soften the message to my daughter, but she simply rejected the invite, saying they'd play together at a not boring event.
She's getting excluded, certainly not from everything. I don't know to what degree. But she's under this auspice that people will all take the time to get to know the real her and then judge. People don't do that.
I know a girl who became an outcast because she wore cap sleeves not full sleeves to church. It was a very wealthy church/social circle. The parents had to do an apology tour. Ugh.
My daughter was a bit of a tough sell for bras. When she grew breasts that seemed to need a little more coverage, we got a bra. it took a while to get her to wear it. She is 13 and more endowed than I am and is finally wearing a bra. It took some convincing.
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