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I agree with the others. They are brothers in the same family so you need to give the same gift. IMHO, if Hubby wants to give sports memorabilia to one brother he should give the same, or similar, sports memorabilia to the other brother (from his favorite team).
Now, once the biological nephew is off to college or away from home, if Hubby want to send a little extra gift, here or there, or to give a gift while visiting, it would probably be OK. But, no extra gifts, that can easily be compared, when they are under the same roof.
You are establishing a relationship with the entire family again, and that's good for your husband and his sister. I would tend to welcome them with the same gift, and maybe personalize a couple of things for your nephew because you have the long-standing UNC item with him. If you know that the other boys like something similar, you could personalize for them as well. I do not think that treating everyone equally would hurt your nephew versus the step-family. See if you can find out what teams the other boys may like, and get them a t-shirt or something from their favorite basketball, baseball, or football team. You can find deals on some items like that at many retailers, and it would help to get to know them better, while not slighting the step-family from the nephew.
You can usually find some deals on sports-related apparel, not always from the fan shop, but even retailers like Kohl's who sell licensed merchandise. Finding out the team that they like and surprising them, even if you ask their mother what team would be good, but tell her you want them to be surprised, will make them feel like part of the family, which is how I would treat them. It's the care that you take to find out something about them to make them feel special too which is good, and will show your nephew that you are accepting of him and his step-brothers.
I think that you have some good ideas about gifts, and it sounds like your husband will have his sister and her blended family in his life for years to come, so there is something to celebrate on holidays and when you go to visit them.
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All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.
~William Shakespeare (As You Like It Act II, Scene VII)
If you're giving money, give both boys the same amount. Your nephew is not going to think of being offended by getting the same amount as his step brother, but his step brother might be offended if he gets less because it will seem like you're pointing out that he's not part of your family.
^This. And if you get one a UNC hoodie, you should find out what team the other nephew likes and get him one. Don't leave the "step" (God how I HATE that word) nephews left out. They are part of your family now. Everyone gets along really well so don't cause problems by favoring one over another. By giving one $100 and a hoodie and the other one only the $100, that's favoring. And it will cause problems. The new family members will feel like they're not part of the family, not welcomed, not liked, etc. The kids didn't ask to be brought into a divorce or a blended family, but they always pay dearly for it sadly.
Or...could we possibly give nephew the "extra gifts" slightly before graduation in, like, a non-ceremonial way (last time we gave him stuff, we brought it in an Aldi bag that had a few scratches from our cat on it, lol), but then give both boys a card with $100 in it? I'm thinking that is going to be my best route. Because my husband has some obligation-type feelings regarding his nephew, so I think he wants to "do more" for him, but at the same time, I consider the step-nephews just as much as family. I think they're sweet kids, and I want to give a gift of congratulations to one just as much as the other.
Just no. Sneaking in things to give to one kid is a HORRIBLE idea. They should both get the same thing - same value. These boys are ALL his nephews now! Getting one a UNC cup and the other gets nothing is just mean. You've said he also likes sports so there's absolutely no reason not to get him a sports cup as well. That's just playing favorites and creating drama where there shouldn't be any.
I also vote for giving the same amount of cash. As far as Christmas goes, I cut off my nieces and nephews from gifts when they graduate high school. I would get the other kids something small. We also don't buy for other adults besides our parents.
Don't leave the "step" (God how I HATE that word) nephews left out. They are part of your family now.
I hate it too, especially since the OP referred to her other nephew as the "real nephew". Does that mean the "step nephew" is the fake nephew, and not considered family? But then if he is considered family, there should be no preferential treatment, each boy should get the same gift. There shouldn't be any extra gifts. Especially something like a college sports hoodie, which would not be a cheap $5-$10 gift.
Is the nephew going to UNC? Maybe it's because I'm not a college sports fan, but it seems odd to get a high school graduate college swag if he is not attending that college. And if he is, then it sounds like you'll have plenty of opportunities to take him out and treat him to "extras" when he is living close by.
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