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I don't understand what you mean in the bolded. Why else have a child? lol I want kids so I'm going to have kids. What's wrong with that?
Statistically speaking, kids from single parent homes struggle.
If you do have a kid(s) and they somehow turn out to be a drug addled unmotivated disappointment - odds are good that they will - you'll have no one but yourself to blame.
So exactly like _many_ couples do then??? That is the reality for many couples who choose to have children. Are they all "incredibly selfish" too? Or are you merely projecting judgements onto one of the many common realities of the modern world?
yes, I find it always selfish.
As do lesbian parents. And vice versa with gay parents. So what? The idea that a particular gender is required in the parental unit is as archaic as it is unsupported. Once a child gets what they actually need from their parent(s) the gender of the parents bringing it is irrelevant.
The OP has an issue with alcohol, she is frequently severely depressed and she has no motivation to work hard and advance her career. No way should she have a baby. OP use some common sense you are not equipped to take care of a child.
That's why I'm not sure about going to a sperm bank. I'd rather have a male figure in the kid's life but I don't think romantic relationships are my thing.
Would said male figure be paying child support...eventually??
The OP has an issue with alcohol, she is frequently severely depressed and she has no motivation to work hard and advance her career. No way should she have a baby. OP use some common sense you are not equipped to take care of a child.
^^^This. Think about what is best for the child. How is it fair to bring a child into the world with all the issues the OP struggles with? Would any of you want your mother to burden you in such a way, deliberately?
Actually studies that have been done do not support your statement.
A LOT of studies have been done to see whether single people should be able to adopt children. In many areas it is not allowed.
The studies showed that parents who are single by choice, and enter into parenthood prepared and with a planned event (e.g. not a 'oops') raise children quite well, academically (even though many that are adopted are special needs), socially and that these children do better as adults, based on their earning, less divorces, attending college, etc. than children raised by two parent families. The kids adopted by single parents generally came out way at the top of the scale. Sperm donor single parents came out at the top too.
The single parents that did not do well, and their children did not achieve well as adults were the unplanned single parents, either through 'oops, how did that happen?' or divorce.
The graph showed a double bell curve for single parents vs. success of the children, with the planned (adopted/sperm donor) vs. accidental (Oops / divorce) being what separated the two bells.
At the same time, the adopted/sperm donor kids came from families that were in the top financially when they were kids, can not remember exactly but top 25% of income in the US, something like that.
So some of their doing well is based on good child care, good schools, or tutors, etc. But in the end single parenting was not a problem. Poverty, lack of skills and support, maturity of the parents, coping skills of the parent, those things resulted is less successful parenting of the child.
Those studies do not NOT support my statement. What you are talking about is a very, very, VERY small sample size. Yes, growing but still extremely small. The types of people you are talking about would create a successful child-rearing environment whether there was one or two parents. They're generally older (late 30s-early/mid 40s), are well-off financially due to concentrating on their careers early in life, have weighed all the pros and cons of their decision, and are very committed to their choice. I hardly think it's fair to disparage my very true statement using what is, for all intents and purposes, an aberration in the parenting world. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, but, everything else being equal, in an overall sense two-parent children will generally be much better off than one parent ones.
I don't know the OP personally, but from what others who seem to have some experience with her say, she hardly seems to fit the bill of the ideal candidate to do a planned single-parent family.
i know people that have done this. my dentist did this. he made a legal agreement with a woman he knew to have his biological child (through IVF) and had an attorney do all the paperwork ahead of time for him to have full legal rights. He has chosen to be a single dad. His son is 4 now, and he is considering having a second child with the same arrangement, and same mother, so they would be full siblings. He was around 40 when he had his son. He was stable financially, owned a home, had family in town to help him with daycare. It was a very well thought out decision. He chose someone he knew to avoid what he felt was a greater chance of some other surrogate mom "changing her mind" and wanting to keep the baby. He felt like since this woman was someone he know she would be less likely to do that. He said it was still a concern, because there could be legal problems with a birth mom claiming the baby but he said it worked out and did what he could to minimize that risk.
Those studies do not NOT support my statement. What you are talking about is a very, very, VERY small sample size. Yes, growing but still extremely small. The types of people you are talking about would create a successful child-rearing environment whether there was one or two parents. They're generally older (late 30s-early/mid 40s), are well-off financially due to concentrating on their careers early in life, have weighed all the pros and cons of their decision, and are very committed to their choice. I hardly think it's fair to disparage my very true statement using what is, for all intents and purposes, an aberration in the parenting world. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, but, everything else being equal, in an overall sense two-parent children will generally be much better off than one parent ones.
I don't know the OP personally, but from what others who seem to have some experience with her say, she hardly seems to fit the bill of the ideal candidate to do a planned single-parent family.
No one here has any "experience" with me. Everything they're spouting is purely their judgment. None of these aholes has bothered to try and get to know me personally, like most judgey people. Anyone who actually knows me know that I would make a kick ass mom. That's why I'm brushing off these posts.
Last edited by Gabriella Geramia; 09-20-2017 at 07:45 PM..
Well, thats the main reason so many lower class women have babies - they dont' want to work, dont like their life, no discipline, motivatin and ambtion ...... and a child is the solution for their mysery. Spreading legs is easier than working on their career.
That's so low of you to say things like this. Do you think you're better than single mothers on welfare? Get over yourself. This post alone shows how little empathy you have for people.
I never came on here for approval or permission. I simply asked what's the best way I can go about doing this. I'm constantly working on myself everyday instead of going on forums judging people and trying to make people feel bad about themselves.
This is a goal I would like to achieve in 5 years. **** you guys for all your negativity. If you don't have any real helpful info, don't post. Waste of my time.
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That is the reality for many couples who choose to have children. Are they all "incredibly selfish" too? Or are you merely projecting judgements onto one of the many common realities of the modern world? 
