Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Debnor
Had a rather unique experience and being the parenting forum thought this might be the best place to ask. I am in a relationship with an older woman; me, 34, her 48. We get along amazingly well and have even recently gone on a fun weeklong road trip together. Anywho, few days ago her parents came by, and I met them for the first time. Fine with me, as I don't have anything to hide or done anything wrong to her. But what I found most interesting was while her mother and I just talked generally and overall pleasant, her father, who is 68 seemed a bit more...standoffish. Not in a mean way, at one point he and I actually went out to the store together to pick up a few items for them, and he started asking me lots of questions about our relationship,
Most just more general questions, not super personal, but in a tone kind of like "You better be treating her right or you'll be in trouble" lol. All was well, and I certainly can understand how even when much older and your children being older you can still be protective. Just felt it kind of odd under the circumstances, as if I was talking to a girls father about to go out on a date in high school.
Seriously, that father needs to butt out unless his daughter is being smacked around. She is an adult who bears the consequences of her choices, dammit he needs to act like it.
Had a rather unique experience and being the parenting forum thought this might be the best place to ask. I am in a relationship with an older woman; me, 34, her 48. We get along amazingly well and have even recently gone on a fun weeklong road trip together. Anywho, few days ago her parents came by, and I met them for the first time. Fine with me, as I don't have anything to hide or done anything wrong to her. But what I found most interesting was while her mother and I just talked generally and overall pleasant, her father, who is 68 seemed a bit more...standoffish. Not in a mean way, at one point he and I actually went out to the store together to pick up a few items for them, and he started asking me lots of questions about our relationship,
Most just more general questions, not super personal, but in a tone kind of like "You better be treating her right or you'll be in trouble" lol. All was well, and I certainly can understand how even when much older and your children being older you can still be protective. Just felt it kind of odd under the circumstances, as if I was talking to a girls father about to go out on a date in high school.
My father had a second family later in life. He and his wife are VERY protective & blind about their son of that marriage. They're still supporting him, though he's in his 40s, now. They provided to him the small house he lives in, and help him pay for repairs and such. On and on...they support him a LOT financially. His mother is suspicious of any women he dates, and hated the ones he married (he married twice).
That's very different from the relationship he had with us, his first family. I've been on my own since age 17, and was pretty much neglected even before then. No financial help to speak of. None. And I went through some very hard times. Couldn't afford meat, had to push my old car to start it, car accident, etc. Oh, well.
But there's a difference, there. He may be suspicious of you because you're so much younger, which is unusual, esp to men in his age bracket.
She is 48 and dating, guys come and go, she will always be his daughter. Maybe you'll be the last one, maybe not but I can tell you this he will be the only man that will be her father.
Parents will still love and care about their own child's emotional happiness until they die. So for the dad to say that to you is normal, though the choice of words is odd, like you said, high schoolish.
I'm almost 40, and when I'm sick, my parents still ask me the next day if I feel better. I'm glad they care enough to ask.
I'm in my mid-30s and my mom and I fight all the time because she wants me to text or call her every single day when I get to work and home from work. (I obliged until one day when I knew she was sleeping already, so I didn't. It was a Friday night. I was repaid by a 4 am wake up call on a Saturday. She has been cut off since then and we've been fighting for months over it. I know she loves me and she worries. But she also manipulates- my brother died from a childbirth complication minutes after his birth. So I get a guilt trip about how she's already buried one child. However, my six-years-younger sister does not have these expectations simply because she is married. [Honestly, I think it is because she is more assertive and my mom knows not to bother.])
Anyway, I don't feel that type of comment is out of line. Totally mild compared to my smother.
You NEVER stop being a parent -- no matter how old they get. You want your children to be happy, and if it is in your power, you will do anything to help make that happen, no matter if they are 4 or 40. The father's comment was more in the way of letting you know that your gf is not without support. :-) As long as she is happy, they will be happy. Might be a tad uncomfortable, but happy. :-)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
