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It's completely normal for elementary to middle school kids to play only with children of the same sex. You're right to support her in moving into activities and socializing with other girls at this age.
It would be kind of you to gently explain to whichever of the parents you think would be more receptive, that daughter is moving into that girl stage, and that their son needs to get involved with boy activities, and socialize with other boys. From what you're describing, it sounds as if the parents are socially awkward, but might understand if it were gently explained to them.
Make it obvious you are ignoring their requests. At least that way you can remain neighborly regarding other things. Of course, this will depend on their getting the hint.
I feel bad for the little boy whose parents don't seem to want to help him socialize and be part of things.
But you have to put your foot down.
I feel badly for him too, but his parents feel it's easier to just keep using us as the fallback. We feel guilty when we turn down requests and now my daughter feels guilty too. But people often outgrow friendships after a time, even adults do. I may suggest some activities for their son and see what they say.
I'd ghost the ever-loving flock out of them. I don't raise other people's kids or Band-Aid their social problems. I've got enough to deal with my twins, thanks.
No returning calls, no answering texts or emails. If they showed up on my doorstep I'd tell them "Sorry, my daughter is busy and doesn't want to hang out with little Jimmy anymore."
Your daughter needs to know that it's okay to stay away from people she doesn't want to be around or who are bad for her. She shouldn't feel pressured or guilted into doing something just to keep from hurting another person's feelings. Nor does she need to have a savior complex where she wastes her life trying to rescue somebody in a downward spiral.
She played with him steadily for a few years, but now she has other friends and doesn't want to spend all her free time with him.
So it's not a case of she doesn't want to spend any time with him? More that you don't like how they spend their time when they are together? Can you not arrange for them to do other activities while still maintaining their friendship to some extent? Offer to occasionally take both kids to the park, the lake, free day at the zoo or museum or whatever sorts of activities are available in your area, play some board games with them or haul them into the kitchen to help make cookies.
I'd ghost the ever-loving flock out of them. I don't raise other people's kids or Band-Aid their social problems. I've got enough to deal with my twins, thanks.
No returning calls, no answering texts or emails. If they showed up on my doorstep I'd tell them "Sorry, my daughter is busy and doesn't want to hang out with little Jimmy anymore."
Your daughter needs to know that it's okay to stay away from people she doesn't want to be around or who are bad for her. She shouldn't feel pressured or guilted into doing something just to keep from hurting another person's feelings. Nor does she need to have a savior complex where she wastes her life trying to rescue somebody in a downward spiral.
Same.
It took me a minute to realize my 10 yr son may be the type to collect homeless puppy type kids. He already had a very great social circle of 8 families who we socialized with every weekend and all week at sports etc.
But random kids would pop up as school progressed.
Once I found a new "friend" asleep in my mother's car in the garage at 6 am when he was supposed to go HOME the night before when he left with the other group of kids getting picked up. Apparently the parents were not even out there or he chose to not go with the other kids for a ride home and he was sorta faking it. Or my SON had that brilliant idea!
Thereafter, my mother and I learned to walk every kid out to the parent's car.
I have so many stories it's not funny.
For a GIRL, as you point out, it's particularly critical for her to do all the stuff you said and also learn how to do it HERSELF eventually - not rely on mom.
So it's not a case of she doesn't want to spend any time with him? More that you don't like how they spend their time when they are together? Can you not arrange for them to do other activities while still maintaining their friendship to some extent? Offer to occasionally take both kids to the park, the lake, free day at the zoo or museum or whatever sorts of activities are available in your area, play some board games with them or haul them into the kitchen to help make cookies.
We've done that for several years. However, I'm really not interested in fostering the friendship anymore. She doesn't want to spend all her time with him.
I think the most tactful way is to use the video game explanation. It makes it not all about him and about what's best for your daughter, without being mean.
Might be a heads up for the parents, too, that perhaps it's not good for HIM to be spending all his time video gaming.
How do you deal with a child who isn't a great influence on yours? Our neighbors keep pushing their son on our daughter's time. I finally put my foot down and said they can only play together on weekends, not school nights. This boy has no other friends and keeps trying to dominate my daughter's time. She played with him steadily for a few years, but now she has other friends and doesn't want to spend all her free time with him. His parents call or text every day wanting to know if they can play together. Every time it sounds like a begging tone of voice. They don't enroll their son in any activities and he only plays video games. Our daughter was addicted to these same video games and we had to work hard to get her out of the addiction, because she was gaming with this boy, to the exclusion of doing anything else. Recently, I was feeling grateful that she actually said she doesn't want to spend much time with him anymore and she has gotten interested in a few extracurricular activities. But his parents still contact us all the time begging and then wanting to know what her schedule is as far as her extracurricular activities. That part angers me because I really don't think they need to know her schedule. I told them she can only play occasionally with him. I feel badly for their son but his parents aren't helping him. And my fear is that he'll get my daughter back into gaming again and she might lose interest in her activities.
Okay so I just had to get that off my chest.
Why don't you just put your foot down and tell them what you've told us?Say to them that they should get him involved in other activities and that your daughter is not going to be able to hang out with their son anymore due to her busy schedule that you have created for her.
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