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My boyfriend's 7 year old son spanks other girl's butts. He knows he's not supposed to do this.. we've told him several times it's bad, yet he still does it. If anyone has suggestions on how we can explain why this is bad for him to do, it would greatly be appreciated.
Some background: He was diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He gets in trouble constantly, but stops and listens as soon as we correct him; however, he continues with these bad behaviors a few hours later again.
Do his therapists or doctors have any suggestions? Immediately leaving wherever you are when he does it and standing within arms reach of him every time he is in a situation where it can happen, so you can stop it before it does, are the only things I can think of.
I deal with children with these behaviors everyday. I think counseling is a good idea and medication may be necessary if his behaviors are too bad. I would keep him right with you when you are around other kids. When he complains and wants to leave your side tell him he can't leave until his behaviors towards others improves. You might need to skip public play places for a time as well. I think counseling is the key though. Most therapists here go to the child's home to do therapy.
Also, I would wonder where he learned about spanking girls butts?
Books that are age appropriate about private areas and personal space is a good start. Social stories on YouTube perhaps. But with ADHD and ODD (a diagnosis I actually don't believe in, I think ODD is symptoms of another issue/disorder, not a disorder itself) having a therapist to help you parent and potentially a psychiatrist for medications is ideal.
Maybe just telling him is not enough. Need more consequences. Take away computer time, video game, whatever is his favorite thing, all favorite things. Must earn back.
Is he seeing someone doing this? Copying their example?
He's going to get suspended, and worse, if he pulls this in school. If he manages to inhibit this behavior in school, but indulges in it when he's outside of school, then he doesn't need meds. He needs consequences, so that he understands that he has to control his behavior outside of school, too.
This behavior toward girls isn't that unheard of at this age. My brother used to kiss the girls at that age, and surely everyone is familiar with the idea of pulling the pigtails of little girls. It's kinda normal.
Which is not to say it should be tolerated. When it happens, it needs to be addressed with an explanation on why it's wrong, and IMO, a time out.
Also, IMO, if he's diagnosed with ADHD, then he needs meds.
My daughter knows if someone does that to her she can kick him square in the balls.
And if a boy doesn't learn after that, there's no hope for the kid!
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