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Op- take parenting classes...Your kids deserve a positive enforcer...
Saying what they can do...Creates growth...Denying them limits the options to resolve .
This scenario glares of 'control'. And not the healthy kind.
Keep your wits.
I remember ages 13 and 19 as being the two hardest years of parenting. Chill and do your best. You are experiencing normal growth. Good luck and God bless you.
Read an article one time when moms were complaining about the ages of their children. . . it went something like this:
- Terrible Twos are the worse!
- If you think that's bad, wait until they're a teenager!
- Teens are easy - wait until they're 30!!
- Just wait until they're 50, then you'll wish they were two again!!!
My as close to perfect son as most could get was a nightmare at age 13. I thought he had become possessed, or maybe replaced by some alien from another planet.
I called the school and talked with the guidance counselor who helped work through it. She understood 13 year olds much better than I did.
While the gum incident seems minor, saying "No." to the request of the mother is not minor.
For discipline, I removed everything from my son's room, no electronics, no posters, no anything but his bed, bedding, dresser, nightstand and clock radio and he got it back when he was able to do "the right thing". Even today almost 3 decades later when he says he doesn't know what to do, I say "Yes, you do." and he says "The right thing."
I believe 13 may well be the turning point where you either hang onto to your children and your place in the household as the one that makes the rules or you lose it.
While the gum incident seems minor, saying "No." to the request of the mother is not minor.
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Yes. I don't think I've ever, even to this day at age 42, told my parents "no" when they asked or told me to do something. My children never did. I would take that little word as an indication that things are very wrong between parent and child.
Actually what she means by healthy, well-balanced human is one who is only 13 years old and runs the household, does what he wants when he wants because he knows there's no consequences, can be as verbally and physically abusive to his parents and any other adult as he feels like it, and thumbs his nose at anyone who tells him what to do.
That kind of child had parents who did the following:
asked their children nicely to quit running in stores, quit yelling in libraries, quit screaming in public. Sometimes they even threw a please in all that begging. And they ask and they ask and they ask and the kids just keep on doing the same thing over and over and over and annoying everyone else.
or who asked or told their children to do something not once, not twice, not three times, not four times, but sometimes five and six times before they make the child do what they were told to do, at which point the parent is screaming and yelling along with the kid.
Quite frankly, if you're a parent and you don't mind your kid not minding you when you say something, feel free. But the parents who act like parents and the parents that back themselves up are the ones who have the well behaved children and make the rest of you whiny parents look like idiots. Plus, your kids are the ones that get children banned from restaurants and public places because you're the parents that don't make them behave.
I know plenty of parents whose children claimed they were going to call CPS on their own parents and the best way I've heard from a parent to handle that is to pick up the phone and tell the kid, hey, no problem, I'll dial the number for you.
So thank you, HFB, for completely missing the point of my comment about detention centers.
You are thinking in black and white terms. Either a parent is super permissive or they are authoritarian (like your post suggests). I am neither, I have very well behaved kids (which I am told very often).
Yes. I don't think I've ever, even to this day at age 42, told my parents "no" when they asked or told me to do something. My children never did. I would take that little word as an indication that things are very wrong between parent and child.
I think exactly the opposite. If a child never challenges a parent then there is something wrong with the dynamic there. If the child never pushes for autonomy and steps on some toes...there is controlling going on, not parenting.
Yes. I don't think I've ever, even to this day at age 42, told my parents "no" when they asked or told me to do something. My children never did. I would take that little word as an indication that things are very wrong between parent and child.
Oh please! Find me a two year old who never said no. No is their favorite word.
Op- take parenting classes...Your kids deserve a positive enforcer...
Saying what they can do...Creates growth...Denying them limits the options to resolve .
This scenario glares of 'control'. And not the healthy kind.
Keep your wits.
The kid is out of control. No parenting classes needed. A swift kick to the but is in order though.
Oh please! Find me a two year old who never said no. No is their favorite word.
At two you don't know what you're doing. At 13 you know exactly what you're doing.
If your (in general) kids treat you like crap, have no respect, and you think it's okay, I see that as a big part of the reason that teachers can't control their classrooms, and prisons are overcrowded. Mom's make excuses for their children while teaching them to blame other people.
I didn't raise my kids for myself. I raised them to be respectful and obedient in my home so they would be respectful, law abiding and productive members out in society.
You don't have to agree with me.
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