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This is a public forum as long as they’re respectful everyone should feel free to comment. If parents can comment about why they had children why shouldn’t the childless person be able to comment on why they didn’t..
I never said they couldn't make their comments, did I? Nope. Even though this is actually, um, you know, a parenting board for, you know...parents.
But I am free to disagree with them or respond back, even if you don't like it.
My parents were 28 when they had me. While they were not "older" parents, many of my peers were had parents five to ten years younger than my parents. While they aren't in bad health, they won't have as much time with their grandchildren as their parents had with me. Three of my four grandparents are in their early 80s and are still alive. My first grandparent died when I was 23. I have a cousin that will be 40 next year, and the grandparents are still alive on that side. The 40 year old cousin had an 18 year old daughter and my grandparents got to see their great-granddaughter grow up into an adult. That's uncommon and pretty special IMO.
I'm 31 now. The youngest I could reasonably have a child would be 32 (birthday is in April). When that child graduates high school, I would be no younger than 50. My parents would be pushing 80. When they graduate college, let's say I'll be 55. I would like to be retired by 60. That's not a lot of wiggle room for those milestone events.
When I was 18, I dated a woman who was 35 then. She had a daughter who was my age (she had the daughter at either 16/17), and the youngest daughter would be 21 now. She is 48 now with even the youngest daughter having a child. All the kids are grown and gone and she has a good bit of middle age left.
A manager at a former workplace had his first childhood at 45. Wife is a couple years younger than him, but not much. They had another two years later when he was 47. That's just too old IMO, especially with the mom being around that age. Both are in high pressure jobs - he works for a tech company at least 50 hours/week, commutes 70 miles each way, and she is a high school principal - and neither are around for the kids much at the peak years of their career. He will be in mid-late 60s when the kids graduate high school.
I've basically decided that if it hasn't happened for me by 35 - and that's just a little over three years out, I probably won't have kids. If it hasn't happened by 40, I'm not having them. I don't think it's necessarily fair to the child for a way older than average parent.
I respect your line of thinking here. I could say a lot more. But conversations about age and parenting can get very heated very fast. I'll just say grandparents matter. I was fortune to not only have my grandparents, but my great-grandparents. I'm 40. My great grand-parents have been gone for a long time now. But their impact on me is still fresh to this day.
Also, while good health is never guaranteed we must be honest with ourselves. At 40 I couldn't image starting parenthood right now. I've been at it a decade now. I have two. We are past the diapers, car seats, lost sleep, etc. phase. I'm glad I endure all that a decade ago.
I never said they couldn't make their comments, did I? Nope. Even though this is actually, um, you know, a parenting board for, you know...parents.
But I am free to disagree with them or respond back, even if you don't like it.
I didn’t say I didn’t like it, I said that snarky comments and shaming aren’t necessary to a discussion. Parents and non parents can all contribute to a post about why people might choose to not get married or have children.
I didn’t say I didn’t like it, I said that snarky comments and shaming aren’t necessary to a discussion. Parents and non parents can all contribute to a post about why people might choose to not get married or have children.
I didn’t say I didn’t like it, I said that snarky comments and shaming aren’t necessary to a discussion. Parents and non parents can all contribute to a post about why people might choose to not get married or have children.
The childfree are typically all over this parenting forum. We get their perspective on everything, totally. You wanna keep going? I'm game.
The childfree are typically all over this parenting forum. We get their perspective on everything, totally. You wanna keep going? I'm game.
You are angry and confrontational whenever anyone disagrees with you. I don't know what more I can add to my comment or what exactly you're game about. Seems childish and silly but ok.
Between both sides of my family there are about 30 cousins. A little more than half are child free, and about a third are single. Their perspectives and reasons on their decisions are discussed often. Just like those married and raising kids. Most people are raised in a family environment and we were all kids once. Of course the single and child free among us have something to contribute to these types of discussions.
You are angry and confrontational whenever anyone disagrees with you. I don't know what more I can add to my comment or what exactly you're game about. Seems childish and silly but ok.
This all started because a child free person came here stating she'd have an abortion if her baby had down Syndrome. This might be okay to say elsewhere, but on a parenting board, it's trash talk. And I'm gonna call the person out on it, even if it makes them feel uncomfortable.
Otherwise, you wanna be childfree? Great! Be childfree!!! Nobody is forcing you to have children.
This all started because a child free person came here stating she'd have an abortion if her baby had down Syndrome. This might be okay to say elsewhere, but on a parenting board, it's trash talk. And I'm gonna call the person out on it, even if it makes them feel uncomfortable.
Otherwise, you wanna be childfree? Great! Be childfree!!! Nobody is forcing you to have children.
Just because you didn't like what she said doesn’t mean it's not a valid reason why she chose not to have children. If she knew she didn't want to chance getting a special needs child so she made the decision not to have children at all doesn't give anyone the right to shame her or anyone else. I'm thankful that she realized her limitations and didn't have a child. Many many woman choose to end a pregnancy for a variety of reasons. Not our place to shame or judge them. I thank God that I have never been in a position where I felt that ending a pregnancy would be a consideration.
This all started because a child free person came here stating she'd have an abortion if her baby had down Syndrome. This might be okay to say elsewhere, but on a parenting board, it's trash talk. And I'm gonna call the person out on it, even if it makes them feel uncomfortable.
Otherwise, you wanna be childfree? Great! Be childfree!!! Nobody is forcing you to have children.
When my aunt was pregnant over 20 years ago with one of my cousins, she almost terminated the pregnancy. She was married and this was their third child. During one of her doctor's visits, some things came back abnormal so she was sent for a series of genetic tests including amniocentesis which had an incredibly high risk of ending the pregnancy. Both my aunt and uncle decided that if the tests came back and said there were birth defects, then they would terminate. The risk for Downs was very high and they also said they would terminate if the baby had Downs.
They already had 2 young children and didn't feel that they could handle a child with disabilities. They also knew they couldn't afford it. Not everyone can handle a child with disabilities. Terminating the pregnancy sure beats drowning the toddler in a car in a lake or bathtub or leaving them in a car on purpose when it's 90 degrees out. We've seen the news stories about mothers and fathers who kill their own children.
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