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Believe it or not I don't care that much about academic accomplishments. School should be about learning and not necessarily competing, although for a few smart kids it might be considered grit. I guess the kind of grit I'm talking about is more goal based, but more outside the classroom kind of stuff.
I wish someone would teach me grit to be honest. How do you learn it as an adult?? All my life I felt like there was something wrong with me - I'm lazy, I'm unmotivated, I'm a coward, I have very little energy, and I give up at the first sign of hardship. I have always been like that, as far as I can remember. When I heard the term grit recently, it dawned on me - that's exactly what I don't have. I was fairly sheltered and coddled growing up when I was very young, but I was always encouraged to be more independent or braver - I just didn't want to, the world always seemed daunting and terrifying. Then we immigrated and my parents no longer had the ability to coddle me as much and I ended up floundering, sliding in grades, I've been bullied at every school I've been to in three different countries, starting from preschool and up to high school. I've done better as an adult but mostly because I was lucky enough to get married and become a sahm like I always wanted; college was great but the work world was terrible, I could not stand up to the competition and politics, I could not pass an interview to save my life even for positions I was more than qualified for, because I could not appear bubbly and enthusiastic much as I tried, I could see the interviewer simply forgetting me a few seconds into starting to talk. The jobs I got were through lucky connections mostly. I'm a mom myself now and I sometimes don't feel I have what it takes to be one, because I have no idea how I would handle any kind of real hardship. I think there are people who fail and get back up, and there are those who just fail and give up - whether it manifests in depression and withdrawal, or addictions, or substance abuse, or suicide. I feel like I don't know how I would react in a really bad situation, I never had it in me to be a 'fighter', the way some people say 'I'm a survivor, I'll make it through anything tooth and nail' - that sounds like foreign language to me honestly, it's the complete opposite of how I feel. Sorry to derail the topic....but it's something that's been on my mind a lot especially since having kids, I feel like a hypocrite trying to teach them to work hard, to fail and get back up, when I can't set a proper example of that. Anyone has any advice??
Your lucky to be a stay at home mom. This means you have a great opportunity to teach your kids about responsibility. You will have to change your attitude however, because kids will pick up on any negativity or anxiety you might have about things. Don't coddle your kids, have them go straight to the chores when they come home, do the dishes, make the dinner etc. Your going to have to make up for your anxiety some how.
1. Work with them to identify a goal they REALLY want to reach, but will be difficult because it will require them learning new skills out of their comfort zone. This goal should need to be achieved within a restricted time period. This sense of urgency will drive their self-motivation more.
2. Provide them with the needed opportunity and basic tools (literally and figuratively).
3. Step back and let them try it, with no involvement other than preventing serious injury.
4. Offer encouragement as needed, without being excessive or hovering.
Non-academic example:
A group of people the child really likes is going on a group bike ride to an event the child greatly wants to share in.
The only bike available is one that is slightly larger size, with no training wheels. This child does not know how to ride a bike, and has never sat on one either, so completely unfamiliar with how to handle it.
Provide the child with a safe space in which to learn, and equipment to protect vulnerable areas (helmet, knee pad).
Demonstrate how to ride the bike.
Let child attempt on their own using their bike. They will fall often. It may be at times frightening. But they will also find they will need to pick themselves up, despite bruises or minor bloody scrapes, and try again. And again. Until they finally learn how to ride that bike - in time for impending group bike ride.
This will provide them with opportunities to use grit to meet a goal, and gain a tremendous sense of accomplishment for doing so on their own. It will also provide the child with a sense confidence and empowerment.
Similar scenario may be used for sports and music.
Your lucky to be a stay at home mom. This means you have a great opportunity to teach your kids about responsibility. You will have to change your attitude however, because kids will pick up on any negativity or anxiety you might have about things. Don't coddle your kids, have them go straight to the chores when they come home, do the dishes, make the dinner etc. Your going to have to make up for your anxiety some how.
Many kids who grew up in challenging situations and poverty are often presented with situations requiring them to overcome challenges using grit. Many who escape those circumstances and succeed as adults will share this trait organically, because it was developed out of necessity, and not out of any effort for conscientious parenting.
I do believe in letting them fail. I just need some ideas of letting them fail. Digging holes is great, but I want the holes to have purpose...like building a fence etc.
You can't stage hard work and have it be something that becomes a part of someone. You have to teach these things by example, by having them seeing you do it and doing it all alongside of you. If grit and determination are a part of your life they will pick that up as well. And if it isn't then it's just not something your family deems important.
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