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This is why you dont tell anyone the exact day/time of a c-section or when you go into labor. You and your husband decide when and who can visit the baby not your family. Why are letting anyone guilt trip you? They'll get over it.
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragonmam
I've had two c-sections and a VBAC. All were delivered before noon. I appreciated having the remainder of the morning and afternoon to myself and my husband. A couple of hours that first evening was good for everyone to come in and meet the new baby. After that, we both needed to sleep.
I didn't have to tell anyone in the family to give me space. Both sides reached that conclusion on their own. As they put it, "we'll give you some time to settle in." That was very much appreciated.
I do think it is reasonable to ask them to wait a few hours, but asking them to wait until the next day is a lot to ask. Maybe suggest that they to come by the first day and pick up your husband for an early dinner and then come back afterwards to hang out for a couple of hours and meet the new member of the family.
I have known several couple's who did not tell anyone when the wife went into labor and/or went to the hospital. They first called the new grandparents, and others, after the baby was born.
In one case, I believe that they didn't call anyone until many hours later (as the baby was born in the middle of the night). Since no one knew that they were in hospital they did not have to worry about a lot of people immediately rushing into Mom's hospital room right after the baby was born.
Frankly, I don't understand where asking relatives to wait one day to see the new baby is "a lot to ask".
Wow, we must be very different. I certainly did not want any relatives (except for my husband) hanging out "for a couple of hours" in my hospital room the same day as my C-sections. Brief visits and well wishes may be fine but "a couple of hours"? Sheesh.
I had no visitors the first day when my daughter was born. My son was born at 8 pm and people came in at 10 after I'd been awake since 4:00 that morning. No way. The next time, I pushed out my daughter at noon and went home the following day at noon. The grandparents met her the following afternoon. She was 48 hours old and they still bonded with her just fine.
You're the mother and what you say goes. Rest assured, this is the first of many, many times you'll need to put your foot down. Might as well start now and let the grandparents know that you're the mama and will be making the decisions. They will survive not seeing the baby until a day or two havenpasse. The nurses will absolutely run interference and tell them no; don't be afraid to use that option if it comes down to it.
Enough! The OP is already nervous. How about being realistic instead of fear-mongering?
Seriously. A planned c-section isn't all that bad; mine was a very peaceful, positive experience. Way better than the ****-show that was my second VBAC.
I had no visitors the first day when my daughter was born. My son was born at 8 pm and people came in at 10 after I'd been awake since 4:00 that morning. No way. The next time, I pushed out my daughter at noon and went home the following day at noon. The grandparents met her the following afternoon. She was 48 hours old and they still bonded with her just fine.
You're the mother and what you say goes. Rest assured, this is the first of many, many times you'll need to put your foot down. Might as well start now and let the grandparents know that you're the mama and will be making the decisions. They will survive not seeing the baby until a day or two havenpasse. The nurses will absolutely run interference and tell them no; don't be afraid to use that option if it comes down to it.
Yes, I think that's what im going to do. I'm planning on asking the nurses to not allow any visitors until I feel up to it. Even if that means the grandparents are in the waiting room all day and night. I can't stop them from coming the first day, but I think in this situation, I'm allowed to put my own feelings and needs before theirs.
It's just a lot of pressure though because I know they'll be in the waiting room from the second the sun comes up. I'm so thankful hubby is being supportive and understanding. It doesn't matter to him either way, but he's doing what I think I need.
Who knows, maybe I'll feel great after surgery and will be up for visitors right away
No one besides you and your husband owns those first hours or days. Stay strong. Be glad they care but some time alone is your right. If they cant get on board now, then how are they going to act in the future when you make decisions?
You and your spouse/partner are in the OR. When they take the baby, they put him/her briefly on your chest for you to see, but you cannot hold the baby because they are still working on you. They check the baby out and then take him off for his first bath. My husband was given the choice to stay with me or go with the baby to help with the bath/cleaning, and he went with the baby. After I was all sewn up, I was reunited with them in a recovery room. Only the three of us for a while (maybe an hour? I don't know). Then we went to a private space before we went to the actual hospital room where I stayed for the next two days.
In that private room, we let the grandparents in and let them hold the baby. We were there for maybe an hour before they moved us to my actual room. The grandparents left to eat lunch, etc... while we got settled. My mom and husband switched off nights staying with me on the recliner that pulled out into a bed. It was too uncomfortable for one person to do two nights in a row.
With my second child (a boy), my husband's Dad went kind of nuts. He decided that he should be the first person to see the baby because he is the paternal grandfather and this baby would carry on the family name. Spare me. We told him sorry, but that's not going to happen. Our kids have three sets of grandparents (my husband's parents are divorced and each remarried) and we're not picking favorites. After some initial pouting, he backed down and all was well.
Do what you want, but you should feel OK enough to have visitors for a short period of time. Limit it to grandparents only for the first 24 hours, then you'll feel fine to have other visitors.
ETA: you feel great the first day while you still have a morphine pump. You feel not so great after they wean you off of that. So, first day was better for me in terms of feeling hospitable than Days 2-my discharge.
Yes, I think that's what im going to do. I'm planning on asking the nurses to not allow any visitors until I feel up to it. Even if that means the grandparents are in the waiting room all day and night. I can't stop them from coming the first day, but I think in this situation, I'm allowed to put my own feelings and needs before theirs.
It's just a lot of pressure though because I know they'll be in the waiting room from the second the sun comes up. I'm so thankful hubby is being supportive and understanding. It doesn't matter to him either way, but he's doing what I think I need.
Who knows, maybe I'll feel great after surgery and will be up for visitors right away
It sounds like the best decision. You have to be comfortable with the idea of visitors, and if the grandparents are unhappy with that, tough. Trust me, they'll get over it. And someone mentioned earlier, it will set a "tone".. that is ridiculous. You aren't asking them to stay away for a week ...jeez... when did the mom's feelings stop mattering?
Good luck, and kudos to the husband for having your back on this.
I have had 2 C-sections and both were very different. With the first I was ready for visitors in a few hours.
With the second I was in no shape to have visitors until that evening.
My thought is that you should just tell the grands that it may be that night and will depend on how things go and how you feel.
Then if they want to wait at the hospital all day, that is their decision. If you feel up to it you can let them
come to the room earlier. I do think the next day is too long. They should only stay a few minutes but you want them to bond too and if you wait til the next day others may see the baby before the grands and
that wouldn't be right.
Unless you have complications, all day will give you time to bond with the baby, get some rest and
be up to the grands staying briefly.
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OP needs to ask her own doc exactly what hers will entail.
