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The phone is helping the daughter stay in constant, unfiltered contact with this boy, without the necessary corrective results that can come from being forced to be held accountable in person for things you say and do.
It also is enabling her to work around the otherwise natural limits (bedtime, being physically apart in their separate homes) that she obviously isn't mature enough to place on herself.
The phone is not THE problem, but it is a HUGE part of the problem. It is the gasoline that is making this adolescent "fire" burn much stronger than it normally would.
Limit her phone, and the intensity of their obsession will IMMEDIATELY tone down.
Ok, so she goes to Walmart and gets a cheap burner phone to stay in contact with the boy. Teenagers always find a way.
Ok, so she goes to Walmart and gets a cheap burner phone to stay in contact with the boy. Teenagers always find a way.
I'm aware. That's why therapy has been suggested. This girl is in no emotional shape to go off to college.
Hopefully this mom has been parenting all along the way and didn't just decide to stick her head in, right as her daughter turns into a total delinquent as she exits the Wal-Mart parking lot.
This will probably be the third time in 5 years, I will say something to her based on something I have seen on her phone - certainly not controlling in my opinion.
I meant your daughter's behavior is controlling. Very controlling, in fact. Borderline stalkerish.
I would have a talk with my daughter and explain to her that she cannot control what others do; she can only control how she reacts. Besides, who would want to be around someone that can't be alone for a second? Then I would take her phone away for a week.
well, if you get her phone and punish her next time she will hide everything from you. I think you need to have a talk with her and say something along the line that x person/family friend/acquaintance was very controlling and made her significant other leave her. Or try to made her think how she would feel if her boyfriend would apply her the same treatment the she gave him.
She needs to learn because otherwise she will suffer. The thing is in order to grow up emotionally mature and capable of loving they have to learn to respect, to give and to treat each other with kindness. That's learned in the beginning from the family, seeing how the parents interact with each other and then from their own relationships.
Honestly sounds like normal teenage stuff to me too. I’d talk to her about it but she’s sixteen and probably won’t listen. Then I’d let nature take its course, the relationship end and she learns cause and effect. Of course this could vary widely based on her personality but teenage years are a great time to learn what not to do and many kids have to learn by doing no matter how many times you tell them not to.
Checking your daughter’s phone is crossing a line. It’s like reading her diary. It’s one thing if you have a strong reason to suspect she’s doing something illegal but quite another to read her texts with a boyfriend. Would you have read the paper notes they pass too? I think it’s an invasion of privacy but I’m sure that won’t be a popular opinion here.
I think you need to sit down your daughter and have a talk with her about what is normal and what is not normal in relationships. Tell her this is not okay on either side. This is not love.
Love should make you feel joy, not jealousy, not resentment. Let her know she is worth having a significant other that lifts her up.
My first serious relationship is very much like your daughters. I stayed in it for too long, and truly wish somebody had sat me down and told me that I deserve more, that I could have so much more. My guess is her gut is telling her this is not a good relationship and she doesn’t know what to do. Have an honest discussion with her, listen to her, and see if she will open up to you.
she seems to be very insecure and demanding. I don't think the phone is the problem; I think you have a bridezilla-in-training.
I don't know how to fix this, but the sooner the better.
My guess is that sex is the problem, not the phone. You haven't said whether you think this pair is having sex but I'm going to say yes. She is reacting like someone who has never experienced overpowering emotion before and sex is the easy path to get there. As you said, the boy is a perfect gentleman; he is also probably more experienced and less swayed by what happened last night or last minute. Get her, if you can, to talk to you openly and make sure she has access to birth control.
Take her phone for a week ASAP, and then after the week is over, demand that she charges it on the kitchen counter starting at bedtime until she leaves for school in the morning. Teens should not have their phones in bed with them all night. My sons did this all the way until high school graduation.
As parents, you should research emotional boundaries and help guide your daughter in that regard. If you think she might need counseling before she heads off to college, by all means pursue that.
I agree with the suggestion that the OP seek counseling for her daughter but I have to laugh at the idea that the phone is the problem. The phone is merely an object being used to act out the inappropriate behavior. The behavior will be just as destructive whether the young lady has the phone or not.
I agree with the OP that obsession with a person's mate is unhealthy. She needs to learn that she and her boyfriend both have important people in their lives besides each other. I think a neutral party can help her understand that better.
I agree with the suggestion that the OP seek counseling for her daughter but I have to laugh at the idea that the phone is the problem. The phone is merely an object being used to act out the inappropriate behavior. The behavior will be just as destructive whether the young lady has the phone or not.
Then you must have agreed with me way back as you read post #7. I never said the phone was the problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
The phone is helping the daughter stay in constant, unfiltered contact with this boy, without the necessary corrective results that can come from being forced to be held accountable in person for things you say and do.
It also is enabling her to work around the otherwise natural limits (bedtime, being physically apart in their separate homes) that she obviously isn't mature enough to place on herself.
The phone is not THE problem, but it is a HUGE part of the problem. It is the gasoline that is making this adolescent "fire" burn much stronger than it normally would.
Limit her phone, and the intensity of their obsession will IMMEDIATELY tone down.
Let the daughter keep unfettered access to the phone, which it sounds like the OP will do since taking it away will inconvenience HER, and you will be fighting this problem for a lot longer than necessary.
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I never said the phone was the problem.
