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Why make a post about suing for custody. You should have made a post about "hey, everyone who reads this please tell me everything is going to be ok. If you do not want peoples honest opinions than don't ask for them. You think I am being rough on you.....wait until you get to court brother, you will be in for a rude awaking. I also don't need this forum to make myself feel better by about my own shortcommings by judging yours......you asked for judgement.
Lighten up...are you in his same situation? The OP asked for opinions, not for judgment. Who are we to judge? You are no better than him...we've all made mistakes and regret them. Yes, the court systems might be a bit harsh and he should be prepared but he's asking for opinions or advice, not stones thrown at him.
Thank you everyone for your posts. I actually just got off the phone with my ex and she told me just to let her know when I'm coming up and she'll have the girls ready. I spoke to them, but didn't say I was coming just in case something happens and I can't make it.
I feel great that I'm turning my life back around to what it used to be before the proverbial stuff hit the fan. While I certainly regret much of what happened, this all has taught me that I'm strong enough to really pull myself up and out of anything!
Your circumstances are irrelevant. Your decision making is horrible.
You gave her power of attorney...did you not know what that was. We all have issues but there is no real reason to leave your kids for a "few months" especially to help a friend sell his house. Sounds like you have your priorities in line, You also do not "fall"
into alcoholism ...and further having "her and other people F you over is again indicitive of your decison making ability. You need to
start making better choices. You can't make a post about "suing" for custody when you don't even have a relationship with your kids.
The wise thing to do is establish one first and then consider custody. Quit whining and grow up.
Although you are correct in what you are saying.. my issue is kicking someone while they are down. There is an appropriate way of saying what you are saying here.. All people are human here even though this is a chat board. Try to tone your message down a bit. I know if you were in his shoes you wouldnt want to read the message the way it is coming. The addage "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" works in all cases.. your really sounding like an ass.. when trying to deliver some words. Tone it down a bit.
Listen---I am a realist. I do not believe in sugar coating life. It is what it is. My interpretation is that this man wants to know if instituting leagl action for partial custody of his kids will be bad for them. It is a ridiculous question. If you break it down, here are the facts.
1. He has not seen his kids in 4 years.
2. He by his own admission "ran away"
3. He is now a recovering alcoholic.
4. He gave his wife power of attorney.
5. He engages in an "alternative lifestyle" for the record, I don't
think this should matter, but the courts do.
6. He wants to file legal proceedings to secure partial custody.
This will require the testimony of his oldest child on what she
thinks of her father.
To put his children through this at this time is beyond absurd.
It will not only be bad for the kids (at this time) but it may result in him losing his "liberal" visitation Abandonment in most states will result in losing custody. It is not only bad for them but will more than likely be bad for him. The proper thing to do is to slowly establish a relationship with his kids and see what happens.
Not, hey should I file legal proceedings for partial custody. The greatest asset we have is our children and they should be protected at all costs. The sheer ridiculousness of this shows he is still not ready.
I am so glad to hear that you were able to work things out to see your girls! It sounds like you're really getting back on track.
What you were looking for, I think, was not "custody" per se, but a summer visitation. As a mom who's been through some ugly things with her kids, who had a rotten BSD, btw... mustody means permanent removal. It sounds like you just want some visitation. Good for you! (((((HUGGLES))))
Please let us know how your time with them goes! How long will you have them?
I am so glad to hear that you were able to work things out to see your girls! It sounds like you're really getting back on track.
What you were looking for, I think, was not "custody" per se, but a summer visitation. As a mom who's been through some ugly things with her kids, who had a rotten BSD, btw... mustody means permanent removal. It sounds like you just want some visitation. Good for you! (((((HUGGLES))))
Please let us know how your time with them goes! How long will you have them?
~D
Thanks. Yeah, I had my terminology wrong. I wanted to have them for a couple weeks in the summer and maybe a holiday every now and then. A friend of mine explained to me what I was looking for.
Thanks. Yeah, I had my terminology wrong. I wanted to have them for a couple weeks in the summer and maybe a holiday every now and then. A friend of mine explained to me what I was looking for.
I'll let you know after I see them how it goes
Glad to hear you'll visit your daughters.
It seems like you have a decent relationship w/ the ex based on your other post. The risk of suing her for partial custody is that relationship can deteriorate and not only would you most likely not get partial custody, you'd lose the bearable relationship you seem to have with her right now.
Listen---I am a realist. I do not believe in sugar coating life. It is what it is. My interpretation is that this man wants to know if instituting leagl action for partial custody of his kids will be bad for them. It is a ridiculous question. If you break it down, here are the facts.
1. He has not seen his kids in 4 years.
2. He by his own admission "ran away"
3. He is now a recovering alcoholic. 4. He gave his wife power of attorney.
5. He engages in an "alternative lifestyle" for the record, I don't
think this should matter, but the courts do.
6. He wants to file legal proceedings to secure partial custody. This will require the testimony of his oldest child on what she thinks of her father.
To put his children through this at this time is beyond absurd.
It will not only be bad for the kids (at this time) but it may result in him losing his "liberal" visitation Abandonment in most states will result in losing custody. It is not only bad for them but will more than likely be bad for him. The proper thing to do is to slowly establish a relationship with his kids and see what happens.
Not, hey should I file legal proceedings for partial custody. The greatest asset we have is our children and they should be protected at all costs. The sheer ridiculousness of this shows he is still not ready.
While I agree with a lot of what the underlying message you are giving is, I have to agree that the delivery is a bit harsh. Not to bash you or anything but it makes it appear as if you are a bitter ex-wife with children and the father has abandoned them. I am not saying this is your situation nor claiming it to be. Just how it comes across. The same message can be delivered in a less judgmental way and doesn't mean "sugar coating life". JMHO
On the points in this quoted post that I bolded. Giving power of attorney to another does not equate irresponsible behavior if it was done trusting that person and for preceived needed reasons. Many people give power of attorney everyday. I know every summer as a child when I went with my grandmother, my mother gave her full power of attorney to make decisions regarding me without the need for her to be consulted. Why? Because emergencies could arise. So it is not always an irresponsible decision.
As to the testimony of a child. It would depend on individual state laws but most states attempt to avoid dragging a child into family courts to side in favor or against a parent unless there is no other option but to do so. Even then, most states provide for the age of 12 or 13 for this to happen. Kids as young as 5 and 8 rarely will be called in for testimony, unless again there is no other recourse but to do so.
Abandonment is definately looked at very seriously in family courts. However, not having all the facts, simply going on what has been divulged here, I am not sure that abandonment would fit. From my understanding there was a seperation with an agreement for the travel between the parties. The mother moved with the children without notification to the father and the father had to find them. Divorce occured after each were living in respective places and the liberal visitation was granted. There has been contact with the children, though no visitation due to financial hardship. I just don't know that in a court of law this would all constitute the true definition of abandonment.
I do agree with you though that going to court and filing for any custody at this time would not be the wisest choice and what would be in the best interest of those children would be a gradual establishment of relationship between them and their father.
Thank you everyone for your posts. I actually just got off the phone with my ex and she told me just to let her know when I'm coming up and she'll have the girls ready. I spoke to them, but didn't say I was coming just in case something happens and I can't make it.
I feel great that I'm turning my life back around to what it used to be before the proverbial stuff hit the fan. While I certainly regret much of what happened, this all has taught me that I'm strong enough to really pull myself up and out of anything!
((HUGS))
By the way, you better make it because if you don't, you ex will use it against you as she will use everything that you have gone through against you. To tell you the truth, you are going to have a very hard and expensive time trying to get any kind of custody of your kids becuase of your past. By the way, NC is very friendly, usually, to mothers and not fathers.
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It sounds like you're really getting back on track. 
