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Old 11-30-2017, 09:47 PM
 
13,254 posts, read 8,327,695 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
But even if you couldn't pay, you could probably help in some other way to reciprocate?
Correct. Usually did a homemade pizza night for the families. The parents liked that I supplied the meal and they didn't have to cook. Other times I did sewing or mending for the families. Point being we found ways to balance out neighborly deeds.
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Old 11-30-2017, 11:45 PM
 
Location: Texas
13,480 posts, read 8,286,103 times
Reputation: 25941
Quote:
Originally Posted by Izzie1213 View Post
I was a SAHM until my son was in JR HIGH.

A neighbor with a boy a year older than mine and a girl a few years younger. They were the only kids home all day close by. He would come over to our house to play, but never invited over to their home. On some occasions the little sister would tag along because she was lonely, so mom said. On one hand it was good my son had someone close by to do things with, but it got to be too often. I finally said something to mom, why does my son never get invited to their home. She said because she baby sits for one child (she did) and cant have another kid over while babysitting. She was really reaching for an answer. Didn't call bull to her face but we were not so available for both coming over for playtime.
My child has been friends with a girl for years, has only been to her house once. The girl comes over to our house. It's okay, but I wish the parent would reciprocate at least one more time and let my child come over. My child has asked me many times why she can't see this girl's house.
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Old 12-01-2017, 05:30 AM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,630,475 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I said "a few" in my original post. Which means something vastly different from "multitudes".
This is a reading comprehension issue for you. Do you want to look those words up in the dictionary? It might help to clarify the meaning of what you are reading. Yes, I have had people ask for free babysitting and even referenced my SAHM status, so I'm pretty sure it has to do with that. It's unfortunate that you find my post so upsetting, but it is what it is.
If it is a few why are making generalizations about how people treat SAHMs? Why are the actions of a very tiny subset of people being used to make generalizations about how society treats SAHMs?

Does that even make sense? I saw a man light a piece of paper on he subway and throw it an older lady in a fur coat last weekend. Maybe we should have a thread about people trying to murder fur coat wearers by lighting them on fire. It couldn’t be the bizarre actions of just some weirdos right? It must say something about society in general after all.
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Old 12-01-2017, 05:33 AM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,630,475 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
If SAHM status is the reason why some people felt because she was at home all day and available to provide free babysitting, that I would say her status was relevant.
Since these are total strangers whom she doesn’t even know, how would they even know she is a SAHM?

I have a friend who works the night shift at her job, she is home all day with her kids, the occasional rude person has assumed she would be able to babysit during the day and she isn’t even a SAHM! What are the odds?
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Old 12-01-2017, 07:30 AM
 
6,277 posts, read 4,138,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Since these are total strangers whom she doesn’t even know, how would they even know she is a SAHM?

I have a friend who works the night shift at her job, she is home all day with her kids, the occasional rude person has assumed she would be able to babysit during the day and she isn’t even a SAHM! What are the odds?
Word of mouth. Not sure why you are needing to invalidate the op's experience.
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Old 12-01-2017, 07:50 AM
 
28,164 posts, read 25,155,697 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
Word of mouth. Not sure why you are needing to invalidate the op's experience.
It's not the first time...
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Old 12-01-2017, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
30,701 posts, read 79,347,054 times
Reputation: 39409
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I am a SAHM. I've had a few people ask me if they can drop their child off at my home while they work during the day. For free childcare. They seem surprised when I say no. They say that since I stay home all day, they thought it would be no problem for me to take their child. I have to explain that with 3 young kids, it's hard for me to babysit. And I don't stay home all day. I run errands, take kids to doctor/dentist/orthodontist/dance class, etc. I'm pretty busy.


I have a list of drop-in day care centers in our area, which I use myself whenever I get into a bind. I give them this info but they seem bummed about having to pay for daycare.


So I'm curious why people assume that SAHMs will provide free childcare? I know a "few" who babysit for extra money, but don't know any who babysit for free. Also, I stopped babysitting when I was in college.
Tell them you talked to a lawyer and he said you cannot do that because of liability.
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Old 12-01-2017, 09:30 AM
 
Location: Texas
13,480 posts, read 8,286,103 times
Reputation: 25941
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
Word of mouth. Not sure why you are needing to invalidate the op's experience.
Right, it's word of mouth, people in the neighborhood tend to learn which parents are home during the day. It's also friends of friends. Most of the moms who congregate on the playground after school are SAHMs. We all know each other's work status. I was asked by a friend, for a friend of hers (a woman I'd never met) to watch her child for a week. She said her regular childcare had fallen through and she was in a bind.
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Old 12-01-2017, 12:09 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
9,512 posts, read 6,013,286 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Back in the 1980's it was a common practice. Most of us ladies knew one another and often when we got into a pickle, relied on one another. It was a bit of a sisterhood back then. I suppose times have changed and that ideology of lending a hand has long been replaced with "My responsibilities" are more important then digging someone out of a jam. As a single parent I needed help and there was no way I could pay someone 20$ a day when I only made $25 a day back then. But I do understand in todays' market, the value of tending to a young one should not be taken lightly. A simple No will suffice. And when you are in a pickle I am sure you'll respect the NO response.

When I did do some months of being unemployed (ergo, a SAHM) I had no qualms in helping my neighbors. I came from a large family so one more kid didn't cramp my schedule. Usually it was for 4-5 hrs..three days a week..
Yes, yes & yes!

I was just going to say this when I saw your post!

I'm now almost 32 years into mothering; my oldest is 31 & I still have 3 kids, all teenagers, at home. 10 of those have been as a SAHM. At one point in time, I was paying over $2,000/month for childcare so I obviously have never had any expectations that SAHM's would help me out but now that I am one ... OMG.

I went for four years straight always having at least one extra kid around "until I get off work?" & in the car to & from school. I have let myself get used & abused; I'll admit it but at a certain point, I stopped looking at it as doing favors for the mom's & started doing it for the kids.

There was one little girl, a few years ago who went to my twin girls' middle school that I hauled back & forth for 2 years. One afternoon after school she came to the car & said: "I cant go home; I'm just going to stay here but my mom knows. She said she can pick me up after my choir concert tonight." I remembered the week prior, when my daughters were excited about the band concert, that she had said "Wow, you guys are lucky! My mom has never come to any of my concerts"

So I said "Oh, good! So your mom is coming tonight?" And she answered "No. She said she needs to relax after work." That's when I realized that the concert was at 7 pm, meaning this little girl was going to sit somewhere for hours until the concert, sing & wait to be picked up?.. NO.

I told her to get in the car. That I would bring her back to the concert & we would stay & watch it too. I mean, honestly.

But I remember the 80's & it was different. Moms didn't act entitled; they were grateful. And willing to help if you needed something as well. It was seen as "neighborly".

The husband raised two boys on his own when his first wife ditched them all when the boys were ages 3 & 6. His oldest is about 6 years older than my oldest & he was only able to get through it, thanks to a few "Mrs. So & So's down the street". He thought I was high-strung for being so careful about my childcare providers & how I spent so much money on it & I had to tell him: "Look. There are no more Mrs. So & so down the street. It's not like that anymore. The best asset a working mother has is her quality childcare provider & we know it & we pay for it too."

I guess now I'm Mrs. So&So, although since mine are all teenagers now, it's finally letting up a bit.
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Old 12-01-2017, 12:10 PM
 
Location: City Data Land
17,156 posts, read 12,855,605 times
Reputation: 33164
I've never heard of this. I'm not an SAHM, but I have several friends and acquaintances who are, including my sister. They complain to me about a lot of things, but being asked to babysit for free isn't one of them.
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