Date my teen application (method, lawsuit, 18 year old, health)
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Nope. I would not fill out an application to be someone's friend. It's not a job.
An application doesn't set expectations for a relationship. You fill one out for a job you're applying for. That doesn't give you a job. It also doesn't give a specific job if you're brought in for an interview.
I don't see people laughing. I see a lot of concern because of the questions asked and an inappropriate note from the girl's mom.
I would never do a job I did not have fun at and yet I take all my responsibilities seriously.
Setting expectations for a relationship means the couple takes it seriously, but that does not mean they cannot have fun together.
I would not allow my child (boy OR girl) to answer questions like this in WRITING for STRANGERS (or actually for anyone else, including friends and family).
That is private information concerning a MINOR child that could be fodder for internet shaming (and worse) down the road.
I can't imagine any normal parent thinking it was OK for a STRANGER to ask a minor child these questions.
You need to talk to the girl's parents pronto. There is something seriously wrong here. You need to find out what it is.
And, be prepared: your son may not be telling you the full truth.
I am trying to find the full application, but saw this and wanted to comment.
The questions of do you smoke and have you had intercourse are included in the "50 questions about me" things that kids sometimes put on their public social media profiles.
So if your horror is that stuff could be shared online. It probably already has, so no reason to freak out about it.
I imagine that this girl's romantic life will be badly impaired, as long as she's living at home. After a few of her would-be boyfriends opt-out of pursuing any further involvement with her, the relationship she has with her parents will take a big hit. It's a good way to sabotage what should be a lifetime of harmony among parents and children. If she is driven to seeing guys on the sly and then gets into a family way, her parents will get their just deserts.
It entirely depends on how desirable the girl is among her peers.
If she's super popular, guys might think it is weird, but they'll still fill them out because they really want to date her. Having the guys think it is weird is also dependent on the common opinion on this conversation being representative of a 15-year old guy's average opinion, which is probably not translatable.
If she's just an average girl though and guys think it is weird, it will significantly impair her chances with them though.
Like any transaction, it's about supply and demand. If there are only 5 awesome girls in a grade and 100 guys, guys will do what is necessary to get the girl. If there are 50 mediocre girls in a grade, then there is no need to do so much to get 1 girl when there are 49 alternatives who will not require an application.
it came with a handwritten note from the mother. I have a sample of the girls handwritting on a postit note. Not the same. The note referenced the application and "hope to see you saturday" as if it was a requirement to come to their house.
No excuses, just hostility from my son. He actually asked "why" I wanted last names and phone numbers of the parents ( step family situation) !!
If Izzie's theory is correct, the handwriting being different does not invalidate Izzie's theory.
The girl could have just had a friend write one of the notes for her.
Getting to know a boy who might want to date your daughter is one thing, handing out a written application which includes questioning their sexual history goes way, WAY beyond "getting to know" him and absolutely crosses the line into....something bordering on bizarre.
Maybe their family wants their daughter to wait until marriage for sex, so if the boy has had sex before, they might immediately have the girl dump him.
Honestly, that question would be VERY awkward to ask in person.
This was my take, we were in a coffee shop jam packed with kids her age and older and her demeanor was like an adult in the room.
She is beautiful and stood out that way too.
Should be a win win . Beautiful , confident beyond her years. A mother s dream teen really.
However, the "vetting" of my 15 year old son before he was allowed to attend a 7 year old childs birthday party as this girls guest is VERY adult behavior. Combined with bypassing us, as if my son does not have parents, is very adolescent ,or ,just passive aggressive adult behavior.
15 year olds don t "DATE" just because they like each other and go to the same school. The concept is very ADULT. And so far the only one out of that family who is presenting themself in an "adult like" manner is the daughter with her composure.
Something is not right and I remain uncomfortable with the whole thing.
Yesterday just added to the in appropriate vibe.
I have two slightly older sibs of Danny s. Both my husband and I ,made ,and make a point to be in their school/school social life by just "being around" . Attending events, popping in for a quick meet and greet dropping off for studysessions, or end of year parties ,etc...Friends, "boyfriends/girlfriends" have come and gone very naturally.
This artificial inappropriate questionaire icebreaker is nutz.
The bolded is not true. That happens a lot.
You can tell when, all of a sudden, the couples reach the next school in their life and, even though they dated for 2-4 years, they break up within 3 months.
If they were soulmates, it wouldn't matter that they are going to different schools.
What would I say or do? FIRST I would laugh at the audacity of this man.
Second, I would flip out. And, I would act upon it. I would tell my son that the RELATIONSHIP is OVER.
I would call this "step father" and let him know how creepy and strange this all sounds. ESPECIALLY because he is a STEP FATHER and not her father.
I would consult with a wiser person or people to share my concern and to see what their thoughts were.
I would NOT capitulate to my son's desire to go out with this girl. As a parent of teens, people must always be mindful of the fact that any date, any girlfriend COULD possibly be your tens spouse. Not likely. But the point is, I would not want this family, with it's weird and tyrannical step-patriarch to be involved with my family's life. I certainly would not want to share grandchildren with these people.
Where is the mother? Why does this "step father" wield so much power over this child?
Even if they just became boyfriend and girlfriend, I would not want my son involved with this individual.
Not for 6 weeks, days or months.
Additionally, my intuition tells me that something is not right in that family.
What teenager would want this to happen? Why is she so docile?
I smell dysfunction at the very least. And quite possibly, some form of abuse.
So you'd make the boy dump her because you don't like the stepdad?
Yes. Same here. My daughter did nt find anyone she was interested in to date until her first year out of HIgh School.. Just a big group of friends that hung out together and parents knew each other here and there from around campus activities. They are still friends.
Questions : He was asked for our home phone number, his email address, his physical stats , his religion, does he smoke, is he a virgin, has he ever cheated on a girlfriend in the past , what grade is he in....
Short answer:
Why should I pick you as my boyfriend....?
What would be an ideal date with me .....?
Why do you want to date me ...?
I m getting upset reliving this.
My husband is going to call tomorrow morning and that will be the third strike if they dont respond.
So what then ?
Should I bring it to school attention ?
It was delivered etc took place during school hours ....
The bolded is not a big deal at all.
If that is the extent of the application, people here are WAY over-reacting.
Sometimes forum people are the other extreme. Try talking to parents in your community and ask for their take. It might be more reasonable.
I can tell you that most couples' parents want the other person's number in case they stay out late and are worried.
The religion is fine to ask. If she is from a big conservative background and he has no religion, there is no chance the relationship is going to work. Better to pull the plug now than to see them heartbroken in 3 months.
Does he smoke is a fine question. Most people who smoke are not people you want your kids around. Usually end up getting in trouble with the law.
A virgin and if he cheated are fine questions. If the parents are super religious, they might want the daughter to wait until marriage, so those will be deal breakers right there.
The grade is probably to see if the age gap is too big. Personally, I think that is discriminatory, but in another topic here, people praised some parent banning their 14-year old son for going to prom with an 18-year old and both went to the same school, so if you praise that, you have to understand the concern here.
The ideal date question is probably because some girls have this picture perfect ideal date imagined in their minds and the girl wants to know if the guy would complain about that, but that it would be lame for her to ask that, so she lets the parents ask that. (If you think that is not true, consider married couples that spend millions of dollars on a wedding. They got like that from how they grew up.)
The why do you want to date me question is to ensure there is something more substantial to his interest besides looks. If that is the extent of his attraction, the relationship will not last.
Most of the questions are logical.
A question for everyone in the topic.
If the girl's parents invited the boy's parents over for dinner and asked them those questions in person in a conversation, would you still react the same way as you are in the conversation?
I feel like everyone's opposition to this is that it is in writing.
You should not gauge your opinions on what form of technology is being used.
Maybe their family wants their daughter to wait until marriage for sex, so if the boy has had sex before, they might immediately have the girl dump him.
Honestly, that question would be VERY awkward to ask in person.
Way easier on a form.
The reason it would VERY awkward to ask is because its none of GD business whether OP's son has had sex or not.
If that is the extent of the application, people here are WAY over-reacting.
Sometimes forum people are the other extreme. Try talking to parents in your community and ask for their take. It might be more reasonable.
I can tell you that most couples' parents want the other person's number in case they stay out late and are worried.
The religion is fine to ask. If she is from a big conservative background and he has no religion, there is no chance the relationship is going to work. Better to pull the plug now than to see them heartbroken in 3 months.
Does he smoke is a fine question. Most people who smoke are not people you want your kids around. Usually end up getting in trouble with the law.
A virgin and if he cheated are fine questions. If the parents are super religious, they might want the daughter to wait until marriage, so those will be deal breakers right there.
The grade is probably to see if the age gap is too big. Personally, I think that is discriminatory, but in another topic here, people praised some parent banning their 14-year old son for going to prom with an 18-year old and both went to the same school, so if you praise that, you have to understand the concern here.
The ideal date question is probably because some girls have this picture perfect ideal date imagined in their minds and the girl wants to know if the guy would complain about that, but that it would be lame for her to ask that, so she lets the parents ask that. (If you think that is not true, consider married couples that spend millions of dollars on a wedding. They got like that from how they grew up.)
The why do you want to date me question is to ensure there is something more substantial to his interest besides looks. If that is the extent of his attraction, the relationship will not last.
Most of the questions are logical.
A question for everyone in the topic.
If the girl's parents invited the boy's parents over for dinner and asked them those questions in person in a conversation, would you still react the same way as you are in the conversation?
I feel like everyone's opposition to this is that it is in writing.
You should not gauge your opinions on what form of technology is being used.
I'm beginning to think you have ulterior motives in posting here.
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