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I somewhat disagree. My immediate family rarely spent Christmas at home, generally we were traveling out of town or out of state to visit the grandparents or other relatives so it was not very easy for our children to spend "a couple of hours" with their friends on Christmas. Or else we would attend Church on Christmas Eve, open presents as a family on Christmas morning and have Christmas dinner and spend all afternoon/evening Christmas Day with aunts and uncles, again, not very conducive for a teen to spend "a couple of hours" with their friends on Christmas.
Perhaps, my children were different but they never spent a holiday (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter) with a BF or GF's family or had a BF or GF spend a holiday with us, nor did they ever ask. Both of our children had one or more BF/GF that they dated for a while (nine months to 18 months ) and other shorter term BF/GF, but it never even came up.
Our children's friends were always welcome at our house, and were there often but our teens never asked to see their friends/BF/GF on holidays nor did their parents invite our teen to their house on holidays. Maybe this is more common in other parts of the country or in other ethnic groups or other socio-economic groups or for some other reasons because I certainly did not see that happening among the teens of my friends or relatives, either.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-15-2017 at 10:30 PM..
And your son wants the people HE feels closest to. at 15, dating for only 3 months isn't relevant, he feels close enough to his girlfriend to want to spend time with her. Be respectful of his feelings, this is the start of transitioning to relating to each other as adults and not adult to child.
His boyfriend actually and not someone I’m so keen on but you do have a point. I think if it is a few hours it may be acceptable.
It's common for teens to have their boyfriends/girlfriends come over and spend holidays with their family. Some of my most fun holiday memories are of fun times I spent with my BF's family in high school.
You WANT your kid bringing their love interests around. When they avoid you is when you have trouble.
Now, if this is that abused 12-year-old from your other thread, then no. That was supposed to be over months ago.
Unfortunately we are still waiting that “relationship” out. I’m sure my disapproval has just added more fuel to the fire but I don’t see it lasting much longer. I think a few hours over Christmas may not be the worst thing ever but I certainly won’t consider more time than that.
A few hours, yes. Maybe he can come over for dessert or something. The parents could be invited, too. My teens aren’t dating, but if they wanted to go to a friend’s house for dessert or invite a friend over, that would be fine.
I started dating my husband at age 15 and we had been dating almost three months by Christmas. I can’t remember if I saw him or not. I’m thinking probably not that day... we lived 40 minutes apart. Oh, and he actually had hurt his foot and wasn’t driving for a couple weeks... I think that might have included Christmas. By the following year, I went to his Christmas Eve thing with his family and he came to my family’s Christmas.
He’s growing up... you need to roll with it. It’s nothing harmful to spend part of Christmas with a boyfriend. Not something you need to closely control.
It is a good way to start learning to be flexible. When the kids leave home, you want them to feel totally comfortable bringing significant others and then their family to your home because it is a welcoming place. If you share them a little now, it will help you (and them) adapt to the in-law issues in the future. Or do you want to be the one that gets the quick hour visit and the in-laws getting the rest of the time?
Good friend's of our have three boys, with three wives and four granddaughters. They switch holidays every year with the inlaws and the kid's love their parents so much that this is a priority for their holiday arrangements. If they were rigid, they might have lost one or all the kids to the in-law celebrations.
I feel Christmas is a family affair so I want my family/closest friends around. I wouldn’t want some child my sons been “dating” for under 3 months around. I can’t understand why anyone would.
You worded your title bass akwards. You are actually asking if it is ok for your son's recent girl/boy friend to spend the holiday at your home?
I'd have the same answer as I posted earlier. It depends on the amount of time, and his/her family's holiday plans.
Have you spent any family time with these two throughout the 3 months? If not, you should. I find it is better to know as much about your teens friends as possible...And I was always the mom that had the after school snacks and things going on at my house....I always liked knowing where my kids were as much as possible.
Maybe if this is a nice young person, and your son really cares about him/her, perhaps find out if his/her parents are working during Christmas, or if they would mind if he/she came and spent Christmas day.
If things were such that it won't interfere, than welcome him/her over. And, enjoy the fact that it was at your house...when your son is older it will be at the SO/spouses house, or shared time....almost guaranteed.
Last edited by JanND; 12-16-2017 at 05:26 AM..
Reason: revised
Most of the bad things that parents associate with teenagers having SOs are results of their relationships being restricted by their parents.
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