Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
To the bolded...um, yes. She does have some quirks, as do most kids that go to OT. "Weird" in a professional setting is derogatory in the same way that "retard" would be for someone with Down Syndrome. You may be able to extrapolate the meaning, but it's clearly an insult.
And no, I don't think it suggests I've failed as a parent. To me it suggests that this therapist is immature and I question whether SHE likes my child as she could have chosen any number of descriptors besides that one, along with the face she pulled. That is what makes me uncomfortable. My daughter doesn't obviously get this message from her and didn't hear the "weird" comment as she wasn't paying attention to it.
You didn't mention the bolded part in your original post. Could you elaborate?
I would like to have heard her say that in context. I had a PT say to me once that if she herself hadn't done the assessment on my child, she wouldn't have believed it - she's never seen that grouping of strengths and weaknesses in one individual. So if she had said "this is very weird", I would have been accepting of her phraseology.
On the other hand, I had a friend whose baby had low muscle tone and so when you picked him up he seemed heavier than you'd expect, and also like a sack of potatoes. He didn't feel like one unit, more like a disjointed collection of weights. That's what low muscle tone babies feel like. The therapist brought her own child and said my child is normal, see, take him, this is what normal babies feel like when you hold them.
Incredibly heartless and insensitive.
So, OP, can you say the exact context?
Yes. She was describing to me the activities they had done and which ones she did well at and the ones she was afraid of, and didn't want to do, etc...and then was describing some of her behavior during a game they were playing and kind of made a face and said, "She's just weird..."...it wasn't intended to be diagnostic at all..but I'm sitting there thinking..."WHAT do you want me to do with that now?" This is also not the first time she has said similar things to me about my daughter, but more like, "She was acting kind of "crazy" or "weird""...also not professional, but never "She's weird." SO. Maybe she's incompetent and at a loss, but she should be doing her job, and if my daughter is not 100% cooperative and is a little quirky or whatever, then DUH because if she weren't WE WOULDN'T BE GOING THERE. And if she has something she is trying to tell me, by all means tell me. Weird means nothing to me except for possibly that you don't know how to handle my child and/or don't like her. And yeah, that hurts a bit as a parent because even though she can be challenging, she is a sweet kid and she deserves a therapist who LIKES her for her.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 2 days ago)
35,585 posts, read 17,927,273 times
Reputation: 50620
Quote:
Originally Posted by homesickgirl
Yes. She was describing to me the activities they had done and which ones she did well at and the ones she was afraid of, and didn't want to do, etc...and then was describing some of her behavior during a game they were playing and kind of made a face and said, "She's just weird..."...it wasn't intended to be diagnostic at all..but I'm sitting there thinking..."WHAT do you want me to do with that now?" This is also not the first time she has said similar things to me about my daughter, but more like, "She was acting kind of "crazy" or "weird""...also not professional, but never "She's weird." SO. Maybe she's incompetent and at a loss, but she should be doing her job, and if my daughter is not 100% cooperative and is a little quirky or whatever, then DUH because if she weren't WE WOULDN'T BE GOING THERE. And if she has something she is trying to tell me, by all means tell me. Weird means nothing to me except for possibly that you don't know how to handle my child and/or don't like her. And yeah, that hurts a bit as a parent because even though she can be challenging, she is a sweet kid and she deserves a therapist who LIKES her for her.
I think you should mention this to her. Just tell her, as a mom, it's really painful to hear that her child is "weird".
I noticed a difference in my lifetime of raising kids between adults who worked with children who did or did not have kids of their own. Those who did generally were more sensitive to how parents felt. She might be an excellent therapist but is completely ignorant about how a mom feels about her children
My daughter has been going to OT for a couple months for some sensory issues. She is 4. After the session the therapist tells me what they did and how my child reacted. Today she kept mentioning that my child was “weird†and she has said it before as well. This therapist is young and has no kids so I guess she doesn’t realize that it’s a hurtful thing to say to a parent but it’s also pretty unprofessional. I didn’t really know what to say and I think she gathered that from my face. Yeah my daughter has some quirks which is why she is in OT. To be totally unPC her job is to work with kids that might be considered “weirdâ€. The way she talks about my child it seems like it might not be helping her at all but my child loves to go and asks to go many times when it’s not even her appt day. So I’m considering stopping it since it is a big expense and this lady is rude (but my kid adores her). What would you say and do? Yes I am being butthurt and I am also sick and more emotional right now and don’t want to overreact and say something I’d regret. I need some rational responses, lol.
Best present an OT can give your child is to be unPC with them.
Trust me. Her classmates aren't going to care if it's rude.
If the kid knows she's weird in advance, it won't hurt as much when it comes from her classmates if she's heard it before.
I think you should mention this to her. Just tell her, as a mom, it's really painful to hear that her child is "weird".
I noticed a difference in my lifetime of raising kids between adults who worked with children who did or did not have kids of their own. Those who did generally were more sensitive to how parents felt. She might be an excellent therapist but is completely ignorant about how a mom feels about her children
But mothers are often irrational about their children (i.e.: thinking only THEIR child is the BEST at everything and everyone else's kids are terrible) so I wouldn't put too much stock into a mom's feelings.
If you're bringing her to OT, you're saying you want the problem fixed, not have her own feelings protected.
If a professional called my child weird, I would ask them "what do you mean when you use the term "weird?' or "how are we defining "weird?" (with emphasis on that word) Once I got them to be more precise about what they mean, because it could be very important to my child's care, I'd circle back and politely, but firmly state that I prefer we use that term than the overly broad and negative sounding term "weird."
If they couldn't offer a more precise explanation and just mumbled "you know, she's just weird, you know what I mean.." Oh yeah, you're darn straight they'd get an earful.
I agree that weird should not be used as a placeholder for "I don't know"
If the child is really weird though, they should say that. You're not helping your child when you refuse to fix a fault of theirs because you can't accept they have a fault.
The kid probably isn't old enough to be able to be weird yet though. All 4-year olds are bizarre.
Speak immediately to the supervisor of this OT. Your instincts are spot on....This is very unacceptable.
This. The OT's supervisor needs to know that she's not speaking in a professional manner. Who knows what she's saying to other parents about their children? In order to not come across like a crank, you could start out (with the supervisor) by saying your child loves the OT, who seems to be doing a good job. But in her consultations with you, the OT is using inappropriate language to describe a child with the types of challenges that require the help of an OT. The OT needs to be more professional in her verbal communications.
There's nothing wrong with calling that to the supervisor's attention. The OT needs to learn good communication skills.
This. The OT's supervisor needs to know that she's not speaking in a professional manner. Who knows what she's saying to other parents about their children? In order to not come across like a crank, you could start out (with the supervisor) by saying your child loves the OT, who seems to be doing a good job. But in her consultations with you, the OT is using inappropriate language to describe a child with the types of challenges that require the help of an OT. The OT needs to be more professional in her verbal communications.
There's nothing wrong with calling that to the supervisor's attention. The OT needs to learn good communication skills.
Is it this person's problem what the OT is saying to other parents about their children?
It doesn't do the child any good to continue pretending the child is normal if they're not normal.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
