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I used to have a boyfriend who always paid for my meals. Well, we started dining out occasionally with his brother and sister-in-law (brother's wife). One day, his SIL openly voiced her disapproval of my boyfriend picking up the tab for my meal. She felt I wasn't being an independent woman and this did not seem okay to her. But it made everyone uncomfortable, pretty much, that she would bring this up and it wasn't her money, anyway. My boyfriend wanted to pay for me (he earned about 3 times my salary anyway) and so I let him. But I guess my point is, it depends on the people involved and what they want to do.
I know a woman who goes out with her mom, she always pays her way separately for anything they do. There really is no normal. It's different with everyone. My Dad is broke now financially so I've never expected him to pay, we always pick up his tab. He's old and has no money.
If we go out to dinner, always pay for my Mother. We don't see each other often. For my father in law, we sometimes pay, and other times he pays - different dynamic.
I wouldn't be shocked. It's just that they have a different relationship than you do with your family.
My dad always paid when he took any of his family. He wouldn't have it any other way and it made him feel good. He's gone now but my mom insists on paying and if you object, she says "your father never would have let you pay" so we go along with it. It's not that we expect it in an entitlement sense, but it makes her happy to carry on doing what my dad did, and it was something that mattered to him.
If I am out with my nieces (one in college, one graduated recently), I pay for them. Maybe if they have good jobs at some point I'll let them treat me sometime but that time isn't now. Same thing with my son when he's an adult - if he gets a good job and earns more than me, then maybe I'll worry about letting him pay for me if he wanted to.
My FIL always insists on paying. Occasionally we manage to slip a check by and pay before he catches on, but he will make such a stink about it, even while still in the restaurant that we just say "thank you" and don't try to argue with him. We managed to pay at a fast food place this week and he physically tried to snatch the check out of my wife's hand while she was paying the cashier. It was embarrassing.
In our family its been a tricky thing to sort out because eating out is a pretty big part of our socialization and because my husband's family always had the parents pay, and in mine, the kids always paid. So I was never comfortable with endlessly eating out on my in-law's dime. And they weren't comfortable with us paying.
Now they are retired, we pretty much just take turns. And we have grown kids but they are early in the careers so we pay for them.
But I don't think any way is the wrong way. What ever people are comfortable with.
While I have a limited income, as does my son, I rarely see my son and DIL. So the once a year that we go out to dinner together I usually pay the bill.
With my parents, the adult children always picked up the tab, on the rare times that we went out to eat (perhaps once a year).
With my husband's parents, one adult child always picked up the whole tab, another adult child split the tab with the parents (or took turns paying the bill), and in case of the third adult child the parents frequently picked up his tab.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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It depends. We generally go out to celebrate. If we're going out for a grown child's birthday, we treat. Even if it's my husband or my birthday, my husband insists on paying. He does appreciate that the kids offer. Frequently, they gift him with gift cards to his favorite restaurants so it all works out. They know how to handle him, lol.
If we are out to eat with my husband's mother and sister-in-law, they don't even reach for their wallets. So annoying because they will always pick expensive places to eat, and order the most expensive items, knowing that we will be paying. We limit our meals out with them.
It varies in my family. Often we take our children out to eat on or near their birthdays, and they often do the same for each of us. They often take us out for mother's and father's days also. We usually pay for other meals out. Our kids do A LOT to help us, as well as taking us on some day outings which we are unable to drive to. It all evens out and none of us feel put upon in the slightest.
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