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Old 01-11-2018, 12:14 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,074 posts, read 11,775,613 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I have zero respect for parents who choose YouTube( or social media) humiliation to discipline their children.

Why does any parent think humiliation of the child is at any time appropriate?
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Old 01-11-2018, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,583 posts, read 6,702,884 times
Reputation: 14786
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
I agree that if you asked a child who has been physically abused whether he'd rather be hit or smash his Xbox, he would say he'd rather smash his Xbox. They aren't the same thing.

However, it's still terrible parenting and the child will most likely remember it with anger, shame, and humiliation the rest of his life. And I doubt it improved his ability to do school work one bit.



Absolutely!! There are much more effective ways to discipline a child! Making them destroy their toys and uploading it on Ytube is mental abuse. Obviously it's not the same as physical abuse, but still uncalled for! The more appropriate thing to do would have been to just take it away for a few days or something of that nature. A punishment, but not one that is going to leave mental scars from humiliation!
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Old 01-11-2018, 01:18 PM
 
1,687 posts, read 1,277,721 times
Reputation: 2731
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
No it doesn't. Emotional abuse is real abuse and damages a child. You don't have to leave marks or starve a kid to call it abuse.
I agree with you but, not for reasons you may initially be aware of.

I have been to war-torn 3rd-world countries. Countries where children are taught to hate and kill an opposing group for whatever reason the local religious or ethnic warlords spit out. While physical child abuse is there, what I am discussing is "emotinal abuse". When violence is considered normal, it increases the chance that the person who is taught that will also become violent, especially when combined with humiliation, shame and, actual physical damage.

Now, for a kid having to break an xbox? No that is not abuse. You trash your grades? You can trash this, too. I firmly believe that kids need to be taught today that there must be consequences for failure to perform. You don't go to work you get fired. You steal you get arrested or have to pay back double. Nothing wrong with that concept; it was, is and always be right.

However, the public humiliation part? That is bad. Look at how messed up the little kid who played Anakin Skywalker became, and that was a career related choice. Now this kid gotta deal with jokers poking fun at him, further increasing the chance he will be hostile. Also, the dad in this case came across as a "look what I can do" person, as if to say, "I am the dad, and I'M alpha". There is a huge emotionla difference between telling a kid, "You're punished because -this- is bad" and, "You're punished because -you- are bad."
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Old 01-11-2018, 02:18 PM
 
50,470 posts, read 36,126,975 times
Reputation: 76351
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2sleepy View Post
bad grades don't happen overnight, dad should have had some idea that his son was doing poorly. I always knew when my kids were screwing up and I communicated with their teachers in order to make sure that problems were rectified before report cards came out.
I’m assuming this was a last resort and ongoing problem, and that obsession with the video games was a big part of the underlying problem.
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Old 01-11-2018, 03:16 PM
 
28,164 posts, read 25,235,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atgss View Post
Then if that's so the punishment I got as a kid would warrant jail time for my father.

When I was a bad boy back in the 70's (I really wasn't that bad) and committed a tiny infraction many times I was met with leather and sometimes coupled with a buckle which many times resulted in black and blue for weeks that I had to lie to the teacher at gym time to say that I fell or something like that.
That's abuse.

Healthy discipline doesn't need to be covered up by lies.
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Old 01-11-2018, 03:19 PM
 
28,164 posts, read 25,235,101 times
Reputation: 16665
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6.7traveler View Post
The video is pretty mild.

My dad would have ripped the video game system out of the TV and smashed it right then and there. He wouldn't have time to make me smash it while he films it. There's too much time wasted there and you're starting to lose dramatic effect after a while.

America is so soft these days. You can't spank, you can't curse, and you can't even smash video games for discipline. The only appropriate thing to do is talk nicely to the kid while reassuring him/her that they are special and not really in trouble. Also make sure the kid gets a "conflict resolution" trophy afterwards.
"Soft"

No, I'm sorry but I don't consider treating my children with the basic respect I afford strangers is soft.

I don't spank.

I do curse. My colorful language is quite known in our circle. And no, we don't smash anything unless they are recyclables going into the outside can.

I don't consider me or my husband soft. I consider our punishments to be logical and consistent. It works for us.
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Old 01-11-2018, 03:23 PM
 
581 posts, read 454,707 times
Reputation: 2511
I have no issue with parents disciplining kids or enforcing consequences, but this is ridiculous. How would any of us feel if our bosses berated us on video then posted it on social media for the whole world to see? Why is it okay to publicly shame children? Just take the X-Box away until the kid's grades improve. If the kid wants to play his video games badly enough, he'll do his homework.
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Old 01-11-2018, 03:29 PM
 
17,183 posts, read 22,836,530 times
Reputation: 17473
Default What is discipline?

First what discipline is NOT.

It is not punishment, although punishment can be a *part* of discipline.
It is not rewards, although rewards can also be a *part* of discipline.
It is definitely not an adult acting like the boss and cursing their child.
It is not the adult acting like a child.

The root of the word discipline is teaching. When you teach, you do not need to yell, curse, destroy things or hit the child.

Discipline includes:

Modeling the behavior you want your child to imitate.
Finding out the underlying reason for the child's behavior and addressing that reason.
Stating your rules clearly and explaining the reasons for those rules.
Giving your child acceptable choices that can replace the bad behavior.
Using time-outs to help both you and your child to get control of their emotions.
Saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Act rather than talking.
Planning for situations where a *bad* behavior might occur and being proactive in having a plan in place.
Accepting your child's feelings.
Involving your child in making the rules as he gets older so that he has a good idea of what is necessary.
Having both you and your child make amends when you make mistakes.

In the case of this father, certainly destroying the x-box was not warranted. Taking it away for a period of time until the underlying problem (poor grades) was solve is a better answer. Finding out why the child has bad grades would also be important. Does he need tutoring? Does he need to put in extra effort? Can the teacher help?

At any rate, I do not consider this video to be an example of good discipline.
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Old 01-11-2018, 03:47 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
10,307 posts, read 13,840,434 times
Reputation: 18203
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6.7traveler View Post
The video is pretty mild.

My dad would have ripped the video game system out of the TV and smashed it right then and there. He wouldn't have time to make me smash it while he films it. There's too much time wasted there and you're starting to lose dramatic effect after a while.

America is so soft these days. You can't spank, you can't curse, and you can't even smash video games for discipline. The only appropriate thing to do is talk nicely to the kid while reassuring him/her that they are special and not really in trouble. Also make sure the kid gets a "conflict resolution" trophy afterwards.
Sad and true.
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Old 01-11-2018, 03:54 PM
 
Location: In an indoor space
7,685 posts, read 6,176,073 times
Reputation: 5154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
It sounds like your father deserved jail time for assaulting you. If he had done that to another adult he would have been jailed. It's never made any sense to me that an adult could do that to a child have have it be called discipline.

I'm sorry you were beaten as a child. I hope you have peace and joy in your life now.


Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
If you go even further back it was legal and considered ok to seriously beat or even kill your child (it still is in some countries). Raping your child wasn't such a big deal either.

Things are changing to protect children...changing slowly but still changing.

I am really sorry your father beat you. No matter what, you didn't deserve that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab View Post
Absolutely!! There are much more effective ways to discipline a child! Making them destroy their toys and uploading it on Ytube is mental abuse. Obviously it's not the same as physical abuse, but still uncalled for! The more appropriate thing to do would have been to just take it away for a few days or something of that nature. A punishment, but not one that is going to leave mental scars from humiliation!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
That's abuse.

Healthy discipline doesn't need to be covered up by lies.
On the whole as a society many of us wouldn't want any animal treated like I was and others in the same situation.

The thing is is that my Mom a (legal) immigrant and a stay at home and had 3 younger children than I to care for so even if I had called the authorities and he went to jail it would've destroyed the household income as my father was the breadwinner and we all be in the care of government as my Mom had NO family in the USA or friends in the USA that could've taken us in.

I'm in my mid 50's now and if I ever had children, I learned what NOT to do to my child/ren as it does put a damper on ones confidence and whatnot as well as mental at that young an age. My father was disciplined in the same way by my grandfather back in Italy so he felt he was justified in disciplining me and my younger brothers at that time the same. My father has been "sleeping" since 8/13 and as a Christian I need to forgive him.

Thanks for your sympathies.

Last edited by atgss; 01-11-2018 at 04:17 PM.. Reason: typo
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