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MIL, thank you for helping us so much the last few weeks. Since I'll be going back to work soon I was hoping to limit all of my visitors the next few weeks. I was thinking if you could just come by on Mondays (pick a day) so I can go run my errands that would be great! You'll have him all to yourself in a few weeks anyway. Thanks so much I really appreciate your help!!
Prior to having a baby, I saw my MIL only on special occasions or holidays. Since having my first child in November, she has been over 2-3 times a week and frankly I’m getting sick of it. My maternity leave is over in a few weeks and I don’t want to give up any more time with baby then I have to.
Plus when she’s over, she baby hogs. She will hold him for hours on end. I have to argue with her just so I can get him to nurse. Baby can’t nap because she won’t let him. She does everything she can to keep him up so she can play with him.
I don’t know if im overreacting but I feel like I’m seeing her too much. Once a week is where I would like to keep it at. DH doesnt think it’s a big deal. He doesn’t have a problem with handing baby over to his mom.
What do you guys think? Should I cut down the visits?? And if I should, how do I go about doing it? I’ve never been good at saying no
Repeating for emphasis. I'm surprised at how many people are saying "just be thankful." Having a new baby is hard under the best conditions. Mom wants to spend time alone with her own child before returning to work, and grandma is not helping, she's making things harder.
Also tell her that you need to try to keep the baby on a schedule or something similar. She will understand that.
She will? Are you sure?
I've seen MILs who blatantly do the opposite of what their kids ask, who speak to the baby instead of to the parents ("Do you wanna take a nap? Nooo you wanna stay with Grandma, don't you? Come on and let's go rock in the chair!" ... all in a baby talk voice ...)
I also do not agree with those who are scolding the OP for not being grateful to her MIL for being there AND providing free babysitting, which apparently is the Holy Grail of parenthood.
One advantage of having day care or a babysitter is that it is a business transaction. You come in, pick up the baby, pay and LEAVE. Go on with your life. If you have an issue with the way things go with the child care provider, you address it.
When it's your MIL and you don't have set emotional boundaries, as the OP apparently doesn't have, the "good-bye" time can drag out a half-hour or more as she sits around and asks how your day was, or what happened at the appointment you went to while she was there and then tosses in a few comments about your housecleaning habits.
You then have to deal with whatever has happened that you don't agree with and how you're going to address it ("I saw where you left those homemade baby foods for her but she didn't seem to like it do I gave her some peanut butter and she did just fine!").
When MIL is your babysitter, it can be nice if all parties involved are able to speak directly about conflicts. If not, then you just have your MIL all up in your business. So-called free babysitting can definitely have a cost.
However is too little or too much is how YOU feel and you really need to be firm in a kind way about what your needs are as a new mother. If you could ask your mil to pick one day to come is a good idea and say you need quiet bonding time meanwhile. Your husband and mil need to respect YOUR needs even if you have to assert that, and you are offering a compromise. As a new mum you need time to adjust and bond with your baby. The mil has plenty of time to bond as a grandmother, but baby needs to bond with you FIRST.
Ha Ha Ha! Oh my god, you should be kissing this woman's feet. Don't you realize that this is the woman who is going to allow you to someday go out to dinner with your husband, go to a play with your husband, go away for a night with your husband, go on vacation with your husband? Not to mention that having a doting grandmother's love and attention can only help your child.
Just pray that she is alive and well for a very long time, and express your gratitude toward her. Be overtly welcoming and loving towards her. Don't worry, the baby knows who his mother is, and you will have plenty of time with him, one on one.
Ha Ha Ha! Oh my god, you should be kissing this woman's feet. Don't you realize that this is the woman who is going to allow you to someday go out to dinner with your husband, go to a play with your husband, go away for a night with your husband, go on vacation with your husband?
Oh please. Her MIL is not the ONLY person on Earth who can "allow" this.
Now is the time to get her acclimated to her role as caregiver. This included, food and naps. For ME, it would be important for the child to not get used to being held All The Time.
I know you said "for ME", but really. The baby is a newborn. When GM is doing the day care, the novelty will wear off, trust me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elan
"How often is too often for grandparents to see newborn? "
In our house, it was never too often, we took all the help we could get.
I would have loved having a grandma closer than 550 miles away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
Oh please. Her MIL is not the ONLY person on Earth who can "allow" this.
No, but MIL is one of those who can make that happen. Again, would have loved it.
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