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The outcome has to be considered. If I had had a baby at 17 it would have been disastrous.
Sometimes an abortion is the best solution.
so you are saying abortion is a better solution than adoption? I have trouble understanding how anyone can feel this way. I do realize abortion is legal, I think it should and will always be, but I still would rather a woman put her baby up for adoption than abort it.
why would you say that? A baby is a living human just like you or me. Do you believe murder is ok? Again, I am not saying, in every case abortion is wrong, but in these types of cases it is!!!! What you are saying is: we made a mistake, we let our hormones take control so lets just flush it down the toilet? What about the next time, and the next or what about the guilt the girl may have to carry with her during her entire life?
We can agree to disagree. I think many women are pressured into giving their babies away.
well first of all, today I do not think this is an issue like it was 30 or 40 plus years ago. Today because of the options a mother does have a choice and because there isn't the stigma attached to single mothers there used to be most woman are not pressured into giving their babies away, but I do agree with you, no mother should ever be pressured into surrendering their baby unless the mother is very,very young. By that I mean 15 or younger. No matter what you thing, farming out a child is not what giving it up for adoption is all about rren reeath
well first of all, today I do not think this is an issue like it was 30 or 40 plus years ago. Today because of the options a mother does have a choice and because there isn't the stigma attached to single mothers there used to be most woman are not pressured into giving their babies away, but I do agree with you, no mother should ever be pressured into surrendering their baby unless the mother is very,very young. By that I mean 15 or younger. No matter what you thing, farming out a child is not what giving it up for adoption is all about rren reeath
I think it is always (ALWAYS) up to the mother whether she is 33 or 13. Its HER child. Its emotionally damaging and traumatic to force ANY mother to give up her child
I don't know what rren reeath means, but I do know that too many women are tricked into believing they can't be good mothers because they don't have stellar careers or a nice enough house or access to great schools. Too many women are told that love and hard work isn't enough to raise a baby. That's simply untrue.
I have 2 girls, hearing stories like that scare the crap out of me and my wife. It's usually worse for the girl than the guy, a lot of guys just give up after a while trying to take care of the family due to his young age, so sad for you and your daughter. I don't see a very happy ending here, statistically speaking.
Perhaps when someone can finally get around to showing the first shred of evidence there even is a god - this might be relevant. Until such time however perhaps we can deal with the actual realities of their situation and offer advice accordingly.
Evidence of God is all around you. You have chosen not to see it. No problem, you're choice.
I know a young couple (both still in high school) who have a baby and are raising their baby together with their parents and their grandparents. The girl and her mother have the baby most of the time but family on both sides are taken responsibility in helping to raise this precious child. No one knows what the parents will decide later on to do about marriage or even if they will stay together. Right now providing for the child is the main priority. This child is beautiful, happy and very loved.
I'm not going to read through 18 pages so..make sure you get a DNA test. Don't threaten the mother with it, just do it once the baby is born.
Now is the time to start looking into what resources are available to them in your area. All of you-the kids, her parents etc. need to sit down and start making plans.
I have not been in your situation, although a close friend has. She sat down with the parents of the father, and they came to an agreement on his responsibilities. Both teens had to grow up, fast, but after a few rough spots, they have done so, and are now doing well. They did not marry, and don't plan to.
If your son had potential last month, he still has it. The best thing he can do for his child is to maximize that potential.
In my view, there in lies one of the biggest problems in our "modern way of thinking". If people are going to have a child together, they must make a commitment to each other in a more tangible way that helps to bind them.
That should especially be important and insisted upon by the woman, as she could otherwise be saddled with all the responsibility if Johnny thinks the grass is greener elsewhere.
Kids growing in in single family homes (despite the best efforts of the best of single parents) are shortchanged without a mother or father. Granted death of a parent cannot be helped, but a conscious choice to be a single parent leads to many of societies problems.
I say this having changed my mind over many years of seeing both the destruction of the traditional family by liberal kooks of the 60's, and the present thinking of those they have brainwashed.
Much of the degradation of our culture is this anything goes mentality of "alternate lifestyle choices". In many instances it is a selfish way of trying to have your cake and eat it to.
How this all ties into the OP's dilemma is both positive and negative. Why she chose to be a single mom rather than have a man in her life (guiding her adopted son) could very well have led to whatever shortcomings he might have as a man. So while some guilt might be justified, I'd also say there is only so much anyone can do when it comes to teenagers and their hormones. Thus I think the introspection can be good, but she should not beat herself up over it. What is done is done, and he is going to now need guidance on how to try and get her boy to be a man. [BTW-I do agree with you on the potential aspect]
So the OP must tell her son to decide if he is going to do the right thing, and if he is inclined, try to nurture that proper inclination despite his naivety and inexperience. She seems to lament about his lost freedom, but unless she is channeling her own views and projecting them upon her son, "freedom" is not being lost. Sure he cannot go around for years having fleeting relationships based on sexual lust more than a search for a life long relationship.
However who is to say this current girlfriend is not a good match for him.
I could go on, but the bottom line at this point is to give him practical/pragmatic advice as best she can. I'd also suggest she have her father, brother, uncle (some responsible male in the family) speak to him as well.
Men & women think differently for better and worse, but any young boy needs a mans perspective to help him understand what it will take to grow into being a responsible man.
Her son will obviously need that more now than ever, as it is time to grow up faster and learn what it will take to be a responsible father and husband.
absolutely the worst choice in any situation unless a baby is severely deformed or something like that. It is us to the girl and the boy to make that decision. yes, abortion is legal, and yes, it is an option, but unless the mother understands what she is doing and can live with this years later abortion isn't the answer. I also wonder if you have paid much attention to this thread: the girl is a devout Catholic. You would be asking her to go against her religion.
I understood---and it is not the worst thing in the world. Sometimes it is the best choice.
That devout Catholic girl already went against her religion. Under Catholicism, only married couples can have sex. She already muffed that one up!
Last edited by GiGi603; 01-22-2018 at 12:43 PM..
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