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We couldn't "afford" it either...as in, we didn't have (and still don't) the homes and cars and clothes and toys, etc., that most of our peers (and even younger people) had, but it was more important to us for our children to be raised by us and no one else. It was not a "privilege", it was a decision about priorities.
It was worth it.
Yes, we too made compromises in order for one of us to say home full time. I just think the op has a thing against sahm's
Ok, but keep in mind what you're quoting was in response to this from the op:
The op is acting like all SAHP's have chosen it because that's what they wanted and because they are well off enough to afford it and the op also insinuated in that post that everyone who works is working because they have to and no one does it because they choose to. The op is insinuating that every parent who works does so because they have to. I think most reasonable people would be able to recognize how ridiculous and untrue this is.
Ok, but keep in mind what you're quoting was in response to this from the op:
The op is acting like all SAHP's have chosen it because that's what they wanted and because they are well off enough to afford it and the op also insinuated in that post that everyone who works is working because they have to and no one does it because they choose to. The op is insinuating that every parent who works does so because they have to. I think most reasonable people would be able to recognize how ridiculous and untrue this is.
Ditto. Some choose to SAH because it's simply more financially feasible, and perhaps because it simply works for their family dynamics. It's not necessarily a luxury option for many. Being a SAHP made the most sense back when I became a parent because it was what my ex-H and I wanted, and because it meant a certain kind of stability when one parent is away for 6-12 months at a time, and frequent smaller separations. And I often lived hundreds of miles away from family and didn't have a support system. And it was more than doable on my then-husband's enlisted military salary. Of course there are many variables like lifestyle priorities, COL and the like.
My now-husband works flexible hours (23ish hours) and is practically a part time SAHD, and I SAH with our three year old and come next weekend, an infant, while still in grad school. The older three are in school. SAH is not only more affordable for our area, but it falls in line with our lifestyle and family dynamic. Even when I finish grad school and the youngest is preschool age, I still plan to be available to our school-aged kids. And since we're looking to homeschool two of them next school year, it's best route for all involved.
Oh, and I've never had a housekeeper (but we're considering it in the near future) and don't do play dates, grab drinks and go shopping "with the girls" or whatever else. Not my style. I'm naturally very introverted and simply do what works for us, which doesn't involve a whole lot of mom socializing and venting. I'm totally cool with being a SAHP. Perhaps personality and other factors (household dynamics and responsibilities, etc.) play a role.
I was a SAHM for 5 years and when I decided to go back to work it was part time. My kids were 5 & 3. I worked a few hours during the day from home and went to the office for a few hours when my DH got home. It was important to me that I was there as much as possible for my children during those younger years. My DH also travels a lot for work and it didn't make sense for me to pay a sitter so I could work FT as I would have made less by doing so. During the years I didn't work we cut back on expenses and made it work.
I still only work while my children are at school so I can be home when they are and help them with homework, make dinner, run them to activities, etc. I'm lucky enough to have a job that's flexible and I can work from home if needed instead of going to the office. Some don't have the choice but to put their children in daycare or have a sitter. Everyone's situation is different!
I've been avoiding this thread like the plague but here it goes...
I would complain tonight (if I thought it mattered) because in addition to meeting with two clients, hammering out projects and pursuing new ones, I cleaned my house, made meals and did laundry. Tonight, I had the audacity to meet a friend for coffee for 90 minutes (after serving a homecooked meal to my husband and children).
Do you think anyone had the gumption to clean up the kitchen? Rinse off their dishes before putting them in the sink?
Of course not. Mom will do it in the morning.
That's the kind of crap that makes me complain.
I'm a "SAHM" (I work from home, run my own business and have a part time job) not a slave.
I've been avoiding this thread like the plague but here it goes...
I would complain tonight (if I thought it mattered) because in addition to meeting with two clients, hammering out projects and pursuing new ones, I cleaned my house, made meals and did laundry. Tonight, I had the audacity to meet a friend for coffee for 90 minutes (after serving a homecooked meal to my husband and children).
Do you think anyone had the gumption to clean up the kitchen? Rinse off their dishes before putting them in the sink?
Of course not. Mom will do it in the morning.
That's the kind of crap that makes me complain.
I'm a "SAHM" (I work from home, run my own business and have a part time job) not a slave.
Do you think anyone is actually thinking that 'Mom will do it in the morning?'
Fair question. And they, of course have every right to complain. As unfair as it may be, I don't think society looks at someone complaining about a job the same as someone complaining about being a SAHP though. I think there are two main reasons:
1). Being a SAHP is a choice for the most part. With few exceptions, most people MUST work. Complaining about something one CHOOSES to do is viewed differently than complaining about some one must do.
2). Being a SAHP is a privilege that many families simply cannot afford. I'm not sure someone in a family that has both spouses working just to get by, but who would desperately love to raise their own kids instead of a daycare doing it, is all that sympathetic regarding the complaints of a SAHP who is bored or who complains about how stressful it is to manage shopping and playdates.
Look; in your OP you described situations that I just can’t claim to relate to, which is why I hadn’t commented much.
And those instances do seem as what you stated above; a Choice. And a Privilege. I truly haven’t a clue as to why those moms are complaining. But don’t mistake these past 40 years of an epic failure of a social experiment as being representative of what a SAHP is about.
Working outside the home, as a parent; is a Privilege. In a two-parent household, both parents working outside the home ... is a Choice.
Outside of the “glitter & unicorns” scenarios you presented of play-dates & housekeepers, Being a SAHP is an Obligation. And a Sacrifice.
A single parent of 1 infant & 1 pre-schooler needs to make $27.46/hr to support their family, without public or private assistance. That means $4,832 per month.
A two-parent household, also with 1 infant & 1 pre-schooler, will require each parent to earn $15.47/hr. Meaning a combined hourly income of $30.94. Or $5,446 per month.
Now, your glitter & unicorn families where one parent is clearing $30/hr with ease, might exercise their Choice & Privilege & opt for a SAHP.
Your more realistic families, where neither parent can pull even close to $30/hr might think “We have no choice. We will be lucky if we can each pull in $15/hr.”
Wrong.
Let’s keep the housing, food & misc expenses for two adults but subtract the employment related costs: That extra $245/month for parent #2’s commute. And the $1,736/month for childcare.
Apparently, the cost for both parents working is $1,981 per month. Opt for a SAHP, eliminate that cost & your household will now only require $3,465, per month. Which is $1,367 less per month ... than what the single parent needs!
And your 2 parent-household working parent will not need to earn $30.94/hr to maintain self-sufficiency; they can do it on $21.65/hr. Which is $5.80 less, per hour than what the single parent needs!
You realize that if the 2 parent household does NOT opt for a SAHP, after deducting the $1,981 “cost to work”, which translates into $12.38/hr; that one parents income has been reduced to $3.09 per hour?
Can you think of any reason a parent would rather work for $3.09 per hour while juggling commutes & coworkers, daycare & sick kids, housework, bosses & doctors appointments ... than to stay at home with the kids?
I can. And in those reasons; you will find the answer to your question.
Outside of your glitter & unicorn families, that SAHP is making a huge personal sacrifice. And thanks to the inexperienced opinions out there & misguided notions of what makes for a persons worth; they are doing it with absolutely ZERO ... validation.
Nobody cares. We know that. But we care, so we do it anyway. You’re welcome.
(Self-sufficiency = no welfare needed. So yes; you’re welcome)
Do you think anyone is actually thinking that 'Mom will do it in the morning?'
They simply are not thinking about it at all.
I don't know.
I know I'm the one charged with knowing everyone else's schedules, likes, dislikes, etc. so it stands to reason that they, on some level, believe everything domestic is my job.
I've been avoiding this thread like the plague but here it goes...
I would complain tonight (if I thought it mattered) because in addition to meeting with two clients, hammering out projects and pursuing new ones, I cleaned my house, made meals and did laundry. Tonight, I had the audacity to meet a friend for coffee for 90 minutes (after serving a homecooked meal to my husband and children).
Do you think anyone had the gumption to clean up the kitchen? Rinse off their dishes before putting them in the sink?
Of course not. Mom will do it in the morning.
That's the kind of crap that makes me complain.
I'm a "SAHM" (I work from home, run my own business and have a part time job) not a slave.
You need to better train your other half, or at least have a discussion.
My wife and I both have worked throughout our marriage, and our kids are in middle school now. We always divided responsibilities. I cook most of the time, she takes care of most of the laundry. When one travels the other picks up the slack.
We talked about these things before we were married, and didn’t assume.
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