Son is 30, living at home, but wondering if really happy (babysitting, divorce)
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I am curious, what do the parents of the friends of the 14 year old think of a 30 year old man playing with their sons? You know your son is innocent but frankly with all of the stuff I have known go on I'd be hesitant.
Exactly, if it were strangers, the police would be called. The fact that it's brothers reduces, but does not eliminate, the cause for alarm. At best, it's dysfunctional because it appears to be the guy's primary social life. At worst, it's abusive.
So his biggest problem, according to you, is his lack of general socialization (no friends, no girl-boy friend, 14 yo kid brother is his social life, living home at 30). Yet you are saying that all the symptoms of his biggest problem are not problems.
Are you familiar with the meaning of the term contradiction? If not, reread your post. It is an excellent example.
We've gotten away from the parenting subject, so rather than continue drifting, I'll conclude by observing that the OP thinks something is amiss, and that's why she wrote in.
It's too late to take that back. Mom thinks there is something wrong. And I think Mom is absolutely correct.
Even if she takes it back, by the way. Which I've seen from posters in the past. They step in to the ocean of truth but realize the water is far deeper than they'd ever feared, and might even have some sharks. Then they change or excuse the back story, attempting a hasty retreat to terra firma but ending up in more of a swamp.
You can't solve this problem overnight, you have a dependent adult who is unmotivated and introverted. But I would begin to explore a path that gets him the heck out of the house and on his own. 30 year olds should be engaged, focused, and living a vibrant and independent life in their own space, both physical and psychological.
I recommend the OP gets that process underway. The status quo is not a life, it's just waiting. And we really don't get enough time in this life to wait for too long.
Exactly, if it were strangers, the police would be called. The fact that it's brothers reduces, but does not eliminate, the cause for alarm. At best, it's dysfunctional because it appears to be the guy's primary social life. At worst, it's abusive.
To be honest, it is a bit concerning he has no desire to spread his wings a bit and date. How many ladies are ok with a guy into his 30s living with his parents? Even if he's paying his way, he's already at a disadvantage from the get go. Women on the dating scene aren't very understanding in this department.
It'll be assumed something is 'wrong' with him. Who knows maybe there is. Like the rest of us.
30s for is the best time to find a partner if that's his thing. It doesn't get any easier after that.
I guess it'd be good to just ask him about it. Make sure he's content. He might be missing a window of opportunity. Once it's gone, it's gone.
Marc Paolella, are you also one of those people who thinks men shouldn't be daycare providers or kindergarten teachers?
No. I am fine with men performing any job, provided they do it competently. I personally would choose assisted suicide before doing either of those jobs, but that’s just me.
Op: follow your parental instincts. None here can be 'in the know' on his daily mindset.
I do not subscribe to out by x age. It's been an ongoing fallacy as some folks fair better in many ways (and still retain independence) in an adult household. Best any parent can witness is a healthy being,ecomomcally stable and overall contributing to a community. Sounds like your adult son is achieving that. Just touch base with him if you sense otherwise. All are blessed I sense.
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