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I'm just posting a clarification to my earlier post, since sometimes edits get overlooked. My son saw a cognitive behavioral therapist, not a behavioral therapist. I would absolutely recommend this as one of your first steps.
Thank you for making that point! My daughter had CBT and didn't take any medication for her anxiety and OCD.
Thanks so much to everyone who took time to respond. I am really excited about all the great suggestions and personal experiences that y’all shared.
We took him to Charleston, SC this weekend and went on a Blues and BBQ Harbor cruise. He absolutely loved it and the Captain even let him drive. He was able to squash that fear and he was feeling a little silly that he was scared.
I explained to him that things that are mysterious to us can seem scary because we have no personal background knowledge of it. I’m eager to help build him up and expose him to more positive experiences.
It’s been difficult navigating the proper way to help him. I don’t want to shelter him too much because that could cause full blown panic and zero coping skills. Bad things happen and it is important to use the fear to stimulate proper action. Crying and being frozen in fear solves nothing. But at the same time, I don’t want him bombarded with negativity.
I haven’t watched the news in years, it makes my stomach hurt. I no longer allow him to watch YouTube because it is awful. I had no idea some of the things he was watching. (Scary movie stuff, stupid stunts)
We have a golden tetriever at home and we have been heavily thinking of donating our time to walking the dogs at the local shelter.
The horse idea and non competive sports (cardio), team sports, animal training are all super ideas.
I’m not thrilled at the thought of him taking meds, I did have him speak to the guidance counselor at school. He did mention that he needed a therapist. I was kinda floored that it came out of his mouth. He can be a little on the dramatic side. I don’t think he has OCD because he’s not very detailed or anal. . Doesn’t really care about organizing. but he does have some obsessions, right now it’s Pokemon.
Before the therapist, we will definitely be spending more time teaching him how to connect with the world through experiences. I just don’t want his anxiety to become a habit or crutch to be unproductive.
Again, thanks so much
What is your objection to a therapist? You recognize that anxiety is the problem. The next step is finding the right professional to help. If he had a heart condition, you'd find a cardiologist. If he had a vision problem, you'd find an ophthalmologist. This is no different. BTW, a psychologist can't prescribe meds, if that's what you're afraid of.
Life experiences are great, but you could inadvertently trigger a negative reaction that could make it worse. A therapist would give you tools to help him with this.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 02-19-2018 at 08:32 AM..
Reason: typo
What is your objection to a therapist? You recognize that anxiety is the problem. The next step is finding the right professional to help. If he had a heart condition, you'd find a cardiologist. If he had a vision problem, you'd find an ophthalmologist. This is no different. BTW, a psychologist can't prescribe meds, if that's what you're afraid of.
Potatoes and oranges! That's worse than apples and oranges.
Cardiologists, ophthalmologists, gastroenterologists, etc., actively try to make the problem (well, symptoms) go away, and they give you concrete, workable advice. They basically provide a hammer for a nail. Therapists are the opposite: they specifically will not give you advice, and they blatantly dodge your question when you ask. (As opposed to being honest enough to tell you that it's beyond their scope of duties.) Either way, going back to my metaphor with the Space Shuttle and booster rockets, I'd say see a psychiatrist (an M.D. who can prescribe) first, then attempt talk therapy. Because once the meds take effect, the OP's son will be more equipped to talk about his feelings and what-have-you.
I think it can be possible to be too smart for therapy. It's like hypnosis; unless you allow yourself to blindly submit to what sounds like inane psychobabble, it won't do jack. I do know that cognitive-behavioral therapy can be good for "rational thinking types", but that's about it.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 02-19-2018 at 09:26 AM..
Potatoes and oranges! That's worse than apples and oranges.
Cardiologists, ophthalmologists, gastroenterologists, etc., actively try to make the problem (well, symptoms) go away, and they give you concrete, workable advice. They basically provide a hammer for a nail. Therapists are the opposite: they specifically will not give you advice, and they blatantly dodge your question when you ask. (As opposed to being honest enough to tell you that it's beyond their scope of duties.) Either way, going back to my metaphor with the Space Shuttle and booster rockets, I'd say see a psychiatrist (an M.D. who can prescribe) first, then attempt talk therapy. Because once the meds take effect, the OP's son will be more equipped to talk about his feelings and what-have-you.
I think it can be possible to be too smart for therapy. It's like hypnosis; unless you allow yourself to blindly submit to what sounds like inane psychobabble, it won't do jack. I do know that cognitive-behavioral therapy can be good for "rational thinking types", but that's about it.
Posters should note that you have a long history on here of denigrating the mental health profession because of your specific antisocial and constantly-negative view of the world. That's not meant as an insult to you. You know this is how you are and so do all of us who have had these discussions with you in the past.
You cannot, however, extend your resistance to therapy to mean that it is the same way for everyone else. Plenty of people, myself included--and I'm pretty darn smart, my dear--have benefited from therapy because we recognize that it's not about "advice" but about self-discovery and self-correction with the therapist as a reflection and guide, and have made significant, structural change in our lives. You chose not to do so.
Posters should note that you have a long history on here of denigrating the mental health profession because of your specific antisocial and constantly-negative view of the world. That's not meant as an insult to you. You know this is how you are and so do all of us who have had these discussions with you in the past.
You cannot, however, extend your resistance to therapy to mean that it is the same way for everyone else. Plenty of people, myself included--and I'm pretty darn smart, my dear--have benefited from therapy because we recognize that it's not about "advice" but about self-discovery and self-correction with the therapist as a reflection and guide, and have made significant, structural change in our lives. You chose not to do so.
Nothing wrong with playing devil's advocate; it keeps things from becoming too rah-rah in favor of one side. Adults know better than to ask a therapist for advice or opinion. (They won't get it.) But a 10-year-old child struggling with anxiety won't have the same foresight. So when he asks questions but gets the runaround, or worse, when he gets words put in his mouth and can't convince the therapist otherwise, how will he feel? Confused? Weak? Even more anxious? All are possibilities. And none are good for getting anxiety handled.
To go with your view, I suppose therapy might work for the child if he's briefed on it. That is, told what the therapist will and won't do. (Teach self-relaxation methods, yes; give advice, no.) At 10, a child is mature enough to learn this information and act accordingly. But something tells me people will say this kind of briefing is a bad idea.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 02-19-2018 at 01:03 PM..
Nothing wrong with playing devil's advocate; it keeps things from becoming too rah-rah in favor of one side. Adults know better than to ask a therapist for advice or opinion. (They won't get it.) But a 10-year-old child struggling with anxiety won't have the same foresight. So when he asks questions but gets the runaround, or worse, when he gets words put in his mouth and can't convince the therapist otherwise, how will he feel? Confused? Weak? Even more anxious? All are possibilities. And none are good for getting anxiety handled.
To go with your view, I suppose therapy might work for the child if he's briefed on it. That is, told what the therapist will and won't do. (Teach self-relaxation methods, yes; give advice, no.) At 10, a child is mature enough to learn this information and act accordingly. But something tells me people will say this kind of briefing is a bad idea.
The "bad idea" is your coming here repeatedly to spread your anti-therapy propaganda, which is mostly based on your VERY limited experience as a patient and ZERO experience as a parent.
You've made your point. No need to keep derailing the thread.
An anxiety gets smaller if you have a plan to deal with it. Yes, the boat MIGHT sink, but explaining the actual odds to him (Google it) should help put that in perspective. Explain to him that TV shows and urban legends emphasize disaster because they are more interesting than 99% of cruises, where nothing much happens except for the buying of souvenirs. Point out to him that he is as worried as he is because he is telling himself similar stories. Point out to him that even when a disaster does happen, there are ways of handling it and discuss the plans you have in your own home for preventing anything bad happening. Point out that if the unimaginable occurs, you also have plans for when a disaster actually happens. Ask him how many times in his life he has been in an actual disaster (probably zero) and could not get help (another zero) and ended up hurt (zero) or dead (zero).
Then ask him what the worst fear is that he's struggling with.
Make a plan for that, too. Get him in on the planning.
This sounds like a kid who needs a bottle of monster spray in his room (any spray bottle filled with water and a mere touch of something that smells antiseptic, like Lysol), an escape ladder, a lifejacket on the wall, or a bed that converts at the touch of a button to a personal flotation device.
If all that doesn't work, get him to the doctor for a referral to an anxiety clinic. Anxiety disorders are best handled WITHOUT meds unless the kid is totally nonfunctional.
Potatoes and oranges! That's worse than apples and oranges.
Cardiologists, ophthalmologists, gastroenterologists, etc., actively try to make the problem (well, symptoms) go away, and they give you concrete, workable advice. They basically provide a hammer for a nail. Therapists are the opposite: they specifically will not give you advice, and they blatantly dodge your question when you ask. (As opposed to being honest enough to tell you that it's beyond their scope of duties.) Either way, going back to my metaphor with the Space Shuttle and booster rockets, I'd say see a psychiatrist (an M.D. who can prescribe) first, then attempt talk therapy. Because once the meds take effect, the OP's son will be more equipped to talk about his feelings and what-have-you.
I think it can be possible to be too smart for therapy. It's like hypnosis; unless you allow yourself to blindly submit to what sounds like inane psychobabble, it won't do jack. I do know that cognitive-behavioral therapy can be good for "rational thinking types", but that's about it.
I'm suggesting talk therapy to help the child realize the difference between rational and irrational fears, and help the parents with some tools to talk through things at home or out in the world. I disagree completely with medicating first. That makes no sense and may not even be necessary (I'd say probably not necessary).
FWIW, I've been too individual therapy, marriage counseling, and have taken 1 kid to therapy. None of us are medicated, and all of us are improved.
I'm still interested to hear why the OP had a negative knee-jerk reaction at the suggestion of therapy by the school counselor.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
Posters should note that you have a long history on here of denigrating the mental health profession because of your specific antisocial and constantly-negative view of the world. That's not meant as an insult to you. You know this is how you are and so do all of us who have had these discussions with you in the past.
You cannot, however, extend your resistance to therapy to mean that it is the same way for everyone else. Plenty of people, myself included--and I'm pretty darn smart, my dear--have benefited from therapy because we recognize that it's not about "advice" but about self-discovery and self-correction with the therapist as a reflection and guide, and have made significant, structural change in our lives. You chose not to do so.
Thanks so much to everyone who took time to respond. I am really excited about all the great suggestions and personal experiences that y’all shared.
It’s been difficult navigating the proper way to help him. I don’t want to shelter him too much because that could cause full blown panic and zero coping skills. Bad things happen and it is important to use the fear to stimulate proper action. Crying and being frozen in fear solves nothing. But at the same time, I don’t want him bombarded with negativity.
I no longer allow him to watch YouTube because it is awful. I had no idea some of the things he was watching. (Scary movie stuff, stupid stunts)
I’m not thrilled at the thought of him taking meds, I don’t think he has OCD because he’s not very detailed or anal. . Doesn’t really care about organizing, Before the therapist, we will definitely be spending more time teaching him how to connect with the world through experiences. I just don’t want his anxiety to become a habit or crutch to be unproductive.
Again, thanks so much
Here's another idea nobody suggested: CBD oil. It costs $1-$5 a day, depending on dosage. It's legal, no unpleasant side effects known. Chances of helping anxiety are excellent. Most of the sellers are on eBay, or they have "infomercials" on You Tube. One needs to be sure the product contains what they say, and you might prefer dealing with those few who offer full refunds if it doesn't help.
You Tube even has specialist doctors on it. Does your son listen to any type of music on You Tube? Certainly it can be therapeutic. Maybe instead of banning your son from You Tube, you should encourage him to talk to you about anything that he is listening/watching. YT has many posts about unusual hobbies.
Also, if your son has factual desire, Wikipedia is pretty good. I don't doubt your son will do the world some good. Best wishes.
You Tube even has specialist doctors on it. Does your son listen to any type of music on You Tube? Certainly it can be therapeutic. Maybe instead of banning your son from You Tube, you should encourage him to talk to you about anything that he is listening/watching. YT has many posts about unusual hobbies.
I remember hearing something called "binaural music". For best results, you're supposed to listen to it though headphones or earbuds. Music of specific frequencies plays into each ear, at specific patterns, to achieve positive effects, like focus, peace, tranquility, etc. Believe it or not, I gave binaural music a shot. While the promises turned to be exaggerated, the melody was pretty nice, and I found the rhythmic repetitiveness of it strangely calming.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 02-19-2018 at 03:24 PM..
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