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No, you do not need to say anything or be involved at all. Just be there for your son when he needs to talk. Life is tough. Friendships come and go, and sometimes we get labeled whether we deserve it or not.
My son has been best friends with a boy since first grade. It's a small school and they have been inseparable. I have always been there for the mom through her divorce, remarriage, birth of her new child, took her two boys when she remarried so she could go on a honeymoon. Then 2 years ago a new kid came to his school, the mother decided it was important to help this new family become acclimated to the school. I'm not a social friend of my son's best friend's mom...just another school Mom, etc....but I've been there for her at pivotal times over the past 8 years.
Keeping children so that a mom can go on a honeymoon is something Grandmas & Aunties do. Not just any other “school mom”. I mean; that’s a lot.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsNotEasy
This new woman became fast friends with this woman and tried to replace my son's friendship with her own son with this woman's son, my son's best friend. They started taking vacations, sleepovers. Not a problem. In school my son and his bestie are as thick as thieves and it's obvious they are best buddies.
Okay ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsNotEasy
But my son made a few snide remarks to this other kid because he was interloping.
... So actually; there was a problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsNotEasy
The mother took exception, made a big fuss about it with my son's best friend's mother but nothing changed between the best buds or our ongoing relationship. So, the new woman took it to the next level by believing her son (who was trying to break up the friendship, too) when he told her very bad lies about my son, the son knowing full well that his mother would share it with my son's best friend's mother. They were the kind of lies not meant to be found out by anyone but they were.
No; you just said that he told his mom “knowing full well” that that the lies would be shared. Secrets are the kind of thing that are “not meant to be found out by anyone”. Lies & rumors are intended to go everywhere.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsNotEasy
And the whole school knows he likes to tell tall tales. Even though they were disproven and my son's best friend confirmed that they weren't true, his mother chose to believe them in spite of everything and now doesn't want her son to have sleepovers with my son, something they've been doing several times a year since they were in first grade. Again, we never had an intimate, vacationing and dinner type of relationship, but the fact that this woman is trying to destroy my son's friendship with his best friend so she can insert her son in there is really hurting my son because of the reactions of my son's best friend's mother.
So she is favoring the other boy’s assessment over that of her own son?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsNotEasy
How do I approach this as they have a big school trip overseas coming up, something the boys have been looking forward to for years, and I don't want it spoiled. And how do I address this with my son who is very hurt to think that his best friend's mother thinks he's a 'bad' kid? He knows this because his best friend was upset and told him.
The odds of this trip being spoiled are probably directly dependent on the odds of whether or not the 3 of you moms are planning to “chaperone”.
Keeping children so that a mom can go on a honeymoon is something Grandmas & Aunties do. Not just any other “school mom”. I mean; that’s a lot.
Okay ...
... So actually; there was a problem.
No; you just said that he told his mom “knowing full well” that that the lies would be shared. Secrets are the kind of thing that are “not meant to be found out by anyone”. Lies & rumors are intended to go everywhere.
So she is favoring the other boy’s assessment over that of her own son?
The odds of this trip being spoiled are probably directly dependent on the odds of whether or not the 3 of you moms are planning to “chaperone”.
Oh WOW, I hope none of the moms involved are planning on chaperoning!!
Is the mom putting distance between her son and yours because she believed the other child's mother, or because she and her son see your son as a bully and bad friend?
I had one of these "friendship triangle" situations in middle school. Not only did our parents not get involved, they weren't even aware of it. You need to let him work it out.
My son has been best friends with a boy since first grade. It's a small school and they have been inseparable. I have always been there for the mom through her divorce, remarriage, birth of her new child, took her two boys when she remarried so she could go on a honeymoon. Then 2 years ago a new kid came to his school, the mother decided it was important to help this new family become acclimated to the school. I'm not a social friend of my son's best friend's mom...just another school Mom, etc....but I've been there for her at pivotal times over the past 8 years. This new woman became fast friends with this woman and tried to replace my son's friendship with her own son with this woman's son, my son's best friend. They started taking vacations, sleepovers. Not a problem. In school my son and his bestie are as thick as thieves and it's obvious they are best buddies. But my son made a few snide remarks to this other kid because he was interloping. The mother took exception, made a big fuss about it with my son's best friend's mother but nothing changed between the best buds or our ongoing relationship. So, the new woman took it to the next level by believing her son (who was trying to break up the friendship, too) when he told her very bad lies about my son, the son knowing full well that his mother would share it with my son's best friend's mother. They were the kind of lies not meant to be found out by anyone but they were. And the whole school knows he likes to tell tall tales. Even though they were disproven and my son's best friend confirmed that they weren't true, his mother chose to believe them in spite of everything and now doesn't want her son to have sleepovers with my son, something they've been doing several times a year since they were in first grade. Again, we never had an intimate, vacationing and dinner type of relationship, but the fact that this woman is trying to destroy my son's friendship with his best friend so she can insert her son in there is really hurting my son because of the reactions of my son's best friend's mother. How do I approach this as they have a big school trip overseas coming up, something the boys have been looking forward to for years, and I don't want it spoiled. And how do I address this with my son who is very hurt to think that his best friend's mother thinks he's a 'bad' kid? He knows this because his best friend was upset and told him.
Paragraphs, please.
You can't control everything in life, and this is one of them. If the kids are best buddies, they will stay that way.
Your son needs to make more friends. Him and his original friend will remain friends or not. It is not necessarily a bad thing when friends go separate ways. It's a growing experience. Sometimes you just have to move on to better things and friendships.
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