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I agree with Orrmobl. 7 years! Take some time for yourself, maybe talk to a therapist to sort some things out and then find a nice guy who wants kids. Don't punish yourself with this guy anymore. That was a very noble thing you did giving up your child for adoption. I bet you are going to be a wonderful mom!
AWWW! Thank you for saying that : about me going to be a wonderful mom:. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I really want this for myself, and it just cements it more and more as more people post about this back to me.
I really miss "her". Alot to think about... Yes 7 years a long time........ BTW- did i mention his daughter 15 lives with us full time.... it is very sad for me.
Thanks all who have posted. I appreciate it. I know that is the route I am going to have to take eventually. He will not get me pregnant so i can be on my own. That is not what I want to do ,I want to have a child and a family too.
I dont have 20 years left to biologically have a child maybe about 3 more years. I am not sure where that came from.... I dont want to have kids past 36 for sure. It is a tough decision and I am nervous that if I do move on from this will I find someone my age who doesnt already have kids and wants to? We really know one another, i refuse to have kids with someone I dont know... Like he did with the kids mother..
I have a tough decision to make here....
Thanks for your feedback.
Oooo, I may be misreading this but please say that you aren't attempting to get pregnant "accidentially" (again, please don't be offended, I just read the "he will not get me pregnant")
My advice is to search this forum. There are many threads about people contemplating having kids or another child and maybe that will help. Also, you need to be 100% honest with him. If you want kids, you can't force him into it. He will then not be the best dad and will likely resent you. You also will totally regret it if you give in to him and don't have kids. I agree with the others. This is a deal breaker. It's very hard and going to counseling for support is a really good option. If you really want children, it sounds like you need to find someone else who does too.
This is really tough. I stayed with my first boyfriend even though many conversations ended in tears, as you have experienced. Kids were not the issue, but we just didn't want the same things in general. I married him and had two kids, he left me and I had two more with my current husband, who so rarely makes me cry. I too had the whole daddy issue thing so the first marriage seemed normal to me. But my children introduced me to my real, best self and being a mom has been so healing to me. The heart knows what it needs. Have the courage to move on and find a man who makes you feel safe, and lets you be the mom God has always intended you to be. I hope I don't sound preachy, but you sound ready to be a good mother.
AWWW! Thank you for saying that : about me going to be a wonderful mom:. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I really want this for myself, and it just cements it more and more as more people post about this back to me.
I really miss "her". Alot to think about... Yes 7 years a long time........ BTW- did i mention his daughter 15 lives with us full time.... it is very sad for me.
Thank you again,
It's time to move on. There's a happy child-filled life out there with your name on it!
Oh Boy.... Well Do You Want The Sugar Coting Version Or The Straight Version. I Will Give You The Striaght One. Well You Can Not Pressure Anyone To Do Something That They Dont Want To Do. This Has To Be Putting A Strain On The Relationship Already? So You Need To Clearly Think To Your Self About This. There Is Nothing You Can Get From Him Out Of This Delimma. He Clearly States That He Does Not Want Anymore Children. And Changes The Subject When It Is Brought Up (this Is A Sign That He May Not Ever Change His Mind About This Situation). So Now We Know That By You Asking Him And Bringing This Topic Up To Him Is Only Going To Cause Problems To Your Relationship. Two...... You Say You Love Him. 7 Years Is A Long Time Invested. You Need To Really Think About How Much Do You Love Him. Do You Love Him Enough To Live The Rest Of Your Life With Him (knowing That It Could Be With Out Any Future Children) This Is A Question You Need To Figure Out No One Else Can Do That For You. Third..... If You Do Love Him That Much And Want To Make It Work. Why Don't You Try To Make Contact With Your Other Child. Even Though She Has A Different Family She Has To Know That Her Real Mom Is Somewhere Else And There Will Be A Whole In Your Heart As Well As Hers For The Rest Of Your Lives. Why Don't You Try To Close That Chapter Of Your Life Instead Of Trying To Create A New One To Mask The Bad Feelings Of Your Choices Of The Past. You Made A Hard And Noble Choice (regardless Of What Anyone May Say What He Or She Would Have Done In Your Shoes) I Think Honestly As Humans We Try To Open New Doors Of Life To Quickly With Out Closing The Ones We Just Came Out Of. Like My Mom Always Told Me Close Those Doors You Don't Live In A Barn... Lol.. Good Luck In All Of What You Do. And Ask God For Some Assistance With Your Heart.
If he doesn't want kids and you do, then he is not the right man for you. It sounds like you are certain you want kids, and I know it is tough since you have been with him for so long, but maybe its time you and him go your separate ways? It's very important to find a mate who wants the same things out of life that you do. I dated a guy for 2 years prior to meeting my husband and we actually decided to go our separate ways for this very reason-he didn't want kids and I did. It was a dealbreaker. I then met my husband who really wanted kids and we now have an almost 2-year-old son and he is a wonderful father. I know its tough ending a relationship you have been in for so long, but it may be the best thing for you in the long run. Trying to change his mind will only make him resentful.
From my reading of the post I'm seeing the word "I" a whole lot. No offense, but everything seems to be about YOU! A child should not be born to make YOU happy. A child should not be born to allow YOU to nurture. When you are a good parent, everything is about the needs of the child--not the wants of YOU. A child should be the product of a loving, caring union in which both parties feel a child is a natural fit into their relationship.
If you stay with your boyfriend, and you manage to get pregnant, you will probably find yourself alone--and with a child who is suffering.
My advice, have a rational conversation with your boyfriend. No emotions. Lay your heart out, if he still says no, leave it alone... AND, find yourself something to do. Volunteer at an after-school program, an orphanage, or a withdrawl center for newborns. You can love, nurture, and care for children--even if you didn't birth them.
From my reading of the post I'm seeing the word "I" a whole lot. No offense, but everything seems to be about YOU! A child should not be born to make YOU happy. A child should not be born to allow YOU to nurture. When you are a good parent, everything is about the needs of the child--not the wants of YOU. A child should be the product of a loving, caring union in which both parties feel a child is a natural fit into their relationship.
If you stay with your boyfriend, and you manage to get pregnant, you will probably find yourself alone--and with a child who is suffering.
My advice, have a rational conversation with your boyfriend. No emotions. Lay your heart out, if he still says no, leave it alone... AND, find yourself something to do. Volunteer at an after-school program, an orphanage, or a withdrawl center for newborns. You can love, nurture, and care for children--even if you didn't birth them.
Why should she give up on having children because her boyfriend says NO? She can always give up on the boyfriend and get a husband who say Yes!
Last edited by laysayfair; 03-24-2008 at 06:25 PM..
Reason: clarity
My advice, have a rational conversation with your boyfriend. No emotions. Lay your heart out, if he still says no, leave it alone... AND, find yourself something to do. Volunteer at an after-school program, an orphanage, or a withdrawl center for newborns. You can love, nurture, and care for children--even if you didn't birth them.
With all due respect, I disagree. If OP is still pining for her child, it is pretty obvious that she wants a biological child. Note, her BF's daughter lives with them...if all she wanted was a child to take care of, that would have been sufficient. There is a void she cannot seem to fill without this child...her own. I agree thy need to have a talk, but BF needs to shed the baggage from the prior relationship and focus on the one he currently has, or it would not last very long. I commend the OP for the honesty she has displayed. I am sorry for the situation she's in.
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