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I thought I was over protective until I started more carefully looking at how other parents interact with their children.
For instance, a number of other mothers and I were recently at a playdate at a friend's house. We all have similarly aged children (Preschoolers).
The 'playroom' was a finished basement which had stairs coming from the kitchen. Having been to the house before, I was confident that the finished area of the basement was kid friendly (and what wasn't, was not accessible). I was upstairs helping prepare coffee and snacks, with the logic that I'll be able to hear if there's a problem downstairs, or one of the children will come get us.
However, one mother (and no criticism to her, she's extremely sweet) was not comfortable letting her child play in the basement with the other children unattended, whereas I was ok with it after confirming that there were no hazards.
Later on the same playdate, all of the children wanted to play outside. It was about 50 degrees. My boys put their jackets on, my little girl refused (she had long sleeves and pants)- and I still allowed her out with the logic that if she gets cold, she'll go inside or tell me (always the case, so not worth the initial argument/tantrum).
Another mother opted to take her son home rather than let him play outside as even though he had a jacket, she felt it was too cold. That is not meant to be a criticism of her - it just reflects different parenting styles and preference.
As parents, most of us want to do what is best/safest for our children, but in each family it is possible to view that differently.
I do like to grant my children a certain level of autonomy, I think it is good for them to explore and play an resolve minor conflicts between eachother without constant influence from myself or DH. However, I do have limits for their safety, but I've noticed that they seem to be different than other parents.
12 and 14. Believe me I agree that it’s common sense, but even my husband says I go overboard with their winter clothes.
I would say it depends how cold it is and how long they'll be outside. My children are a lot younger and while I'll suggest I bundle them up before going outside, I don't make an argument of it.
If they go outside and it is too cold, they'll quickly figure out Mama was right and they should put the jacket/hat/gloves on that I inevitably have at the ready.
Once they're older, if they were going somewhere and refused to put their jackets on, I would probably compromise and ask that they at least carry it or put it in their backpack for when they do need it. I wouldn't force them to wear it though. They'll figure it out if they're cold enough!
So yeah, I am over protective. My kids call me on it sometimes. I just want my kids to be able to be kids...and its a hard balancing act when you don't have first hand knowledge of how to do that.
None of us really know. We are all just making it up as we go along, in my opinion. And that's ok! Sure there's books, and wisdom from BTDT parents, and that's all helpful... but each child is different, each parent is different and our relationships with each of our children, and parenting styles are different.
As long as we have our children's best interests at heart, in most circumstances, that means we are doing the best we can.
Each child doesn't come with a specific manual on how to raise that individual. It is just up to us to figure it all out.
I'm not overprotective. I buy the coats, it's up to the kids to wear them. They also need to make their own breakfast and lunch. I'll make dinner. My 12 year old has to take medication twice a day, and she's responsible for remembering it and taking it.
I'm not overprotective. I buy the coats, it's up to the kids to wear them. They also need to make their own breakfast and lunch. I'll make dinner. My 12 year old has to take medication twice a day, and she's responsible for remembering it and taking it.
Just a heads up from another mom's experience. It depends on your state and what the meds are for...but in some situations not closely monitoring a child's medication, even at age 12, is considered neglect and can open up a child services case on you.
Now I am not saying you are being neglectful (promise). I just wanted to add that because I don't want people to have to go through what my friend went through.
That's not overprotective. Do you have any other examples or is that it?
They certainly think it is lol and compared to their friends they’re dressed much warmer so I don’t have a problem admitting that. And other than that I can’t think of anything else that’s more overprotective than what other parents do.
No, we were just the opposite. Children can be taught (and will learn) at a very early age to take responsibility for their actions. Once they start to learn this, parents need to be less protective for the good of the children's development. But obviously, there still should be some outer boundaries and these should be enforced consistently. This is a part of the learning process. Respect is a two-way street.
Just a heads up from another mom's experience. It depends on your state and what the meds are for...but in some situations not closely monitoring a child's medication, even at age 12, is considered neglect and can open up a child services case on you.
Now I am not saying you are being neglectful (promise). I just wanted to add that because I don't want people to have to go through what my friend went through.
They're allergy meds. The allergist who prescribed them knows my daughter is responsible for remembering to take them, and has discussed strategies for remembering them with her. I'm sure he would have told me if our state considered that to be neglect.
They're allergy meds. The allergist who prescribed them knows my daughter is responsible for remembering to take them, and has discussed strategies for remembering them with her. I'm sure he would have told me if our state considered that to be neglect.
Yeah with my friend it was more serious meds that if you take too many of or forget there could be a lot of side effects. I just was trying to get my kid to take care of his meds and found out from a friend. I ran it past the doc and he confirmed in some cases, it could land you with a case. No one wants that.
I run the gamut somewhere between overprotective and feral as my parenting style. Depends on who you listen to. I know I am not into helicopter parenting, but probably baby my children more than my parents did me. They are all teenagers now. I am trying to make them more responsible so they can fly the coop.
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