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There are a couple of things you can do. The first is be there to support your Husband. His son's may not think he is a VIP but you do. It may be a idea to talk to the daughter in law that is still in touch with you. If your Husband approaches the subject he will look as if he is weak. His sons will just push him away thinking they have him where they want him. They may even be a little jelouse of your relationship with their dad. They feel they are "making a stand". They do not realise that one day their Dad could be gone. Kids tend to think thatwe live forever and there is plenty of time to resolve things later on. I'm afraid that in a way it is up to you. Your Husband cannot win if he tries to approach his sons.
Location: Sometimes Maryland, sometimes NoVA. Depends on the day of the week
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FarNorthDallas
I don't think children, adult or not, "disown" their parents lightly. I also don't think adult children can be controlled by statements from one parent about the other. If the adult children *wanted* to contact their bio dad, they would.
This is very true.
I have been estranged from my mother for over 6 years now. It did not come easily, I struggled for years and worked with a very good therapist to get to the point where I realized estrangement was the only answer for my sanity. I do not regret it. Interestingly, my estrangement from her is for doing the type of things OP is saying the ex-wife did to her step-sons (10+ years of divorce bitterness & trying to manipulate me into believing my father was evil, not to mention other physical and emotional abuse that is really hard for a 14-year-old to see through). I have a great relationship with my father, mostly b/c I eventually saw through the mudslinging my mother did.
To my mothers friends and lovers, she can do no wrong and I am the evil one. There are always two sides to every story. Support your husband, love him, and let by gones be by gones.
Thanks you all so much for your support on this subject in this forum. I am most happy to report that there has been a reconciliation and we have had the privilege and good fortune to meet my husbands three adorable grandchildren. It was love at first sight. All the problems of the past just melted away the minute we laid eyes on these precious little ones. My husband is happier than I have ever seen him.
Is it related to when he married you? Were they good for 10 years and then their dad got married? Have you ever met them? I still think you should ask the sons. Without their input it's all guesswork and conjecture. Good-luck!
I agree with LF. There is more to this story than you know or have been told. A child's love is tough to break, even if a parent bad mouth's another. If you really wanted the truth, you'd sit down with the boys on your own and ask them.
My husband and I have been married for 9 years. It is the second marriage for both of us. My DH is a wonderful guy. Has been a fantastic husband and I wish we could have had children together because I know he would have made a fantastic father.
He has 4 sons. Only one talks to him. The others have turned their backs on him and the only thing we can think of is that it has to do with badgering from their mother. The saddest thing about this is that my husband has 5 or 6 grandchildren that he has never met.
He does have contact with 2 grandchildren but it is through his son's x- wife that he is even able to see them. He has a close and loving relationship with the two that he sees. I can't believe that as adults the son's don't realize how much they are depriving their children of knowing this wonderful man. It is so sad. Has anyone else had a scenario such as this and is their any resolution? Any gifts we sent their way were either unacknowledged or returned. It is to the point now that the cousins are asking questions about the grandfather they never met and my hubby is afraid that if he gets to know these kids at this point that they will be taken away from him.
hello, im 5 years into not speaking with my children and i have many unbiased, informative thoughts if you are interested, thanks.
My husband and I have been married for 9 years. It is the second marriage for both of us. My DH is a wonderful guy. Has been a fantastic husband and I wish we could have had children together because I know he would have made a fantastic father.
He has 4 sons. Only one talks to him. The others have turned their backs on him and the only thing we can think of is that it has to do with badgering from their mother. The saddest thing about this is that my husband has 5 or 6 grandchildren that he has never met.
He does have contact with 2 grandchildren but it is through his son's x- wife that he is even able to see them. He has a close and loving relationship with the two that he sees. I can't believe that as adults the son's don't realize how much they are depriving their children of knowing this wonderful man. It is so sad. Has anyone else had a scenario such as this and is their any resolution? Any gifts we sent their way were either unacknowledged or returned. It is to the point now that the cousins are asking questions about the grandfather they never met and my hubby is afraid that if he gets to know these kids at this point that they will be taken away from him.
You know, I would say that maybe you need to take a closer look at your husband. If three of his four sons don't talk to him, there is a reason for that. He probably is not the fantastic man and father you imagine him to be. If I met a man who said his children do not speak to him, I would turn and run for the hills.
Your husband is not the hapless victim he portrays himself as. I suspect there are a few things he is not telling you.
Thanks you all so much for your support on this subject in this forum. I am most happy to report that there has been a reconciliation and we have had the privilege and good fortune to meet my husbands three adorable grandchildren. It was love at first sight. All the problems of the past just melted away the minute we laid eyes on these precious little ones. My husband is happier than I have ever seen him.
The problems are hardly melted away. Even if things went well in your eyes, I promise you the past is not gone and forgotten. Children don't just disown their parents for nothing, especially multiple children. My siblings and I don't talk to our father. I have completely disowned him. My siblings are still on the fence about it. My father does a great job of making people feel sorry for him and making us out to be evil ungreatful children. We don't like it but we know the truth and how he really is. I know it is safer to keep him out of my life and my children's lives. I don't regret it.
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Happy ending or should I say beginning!!!
Glad to see things have worked out
